‘But you passed her for security clearance?’

‘Yes, Sir.’

‘For both Dominion and the Castle itself?’

‘Y…yes, Sir.’ His eyes were downcast, but then he looked up, desperation in his eyes. ‘She said she’d tell Sandy,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t have that.’

I shrugged. ‘You let it continue…let us all get sucked in,’ I said. ‘And you’ve still been using whores, knowing you could catch something and pass it on. What use are medical exams, if you go fucking around straight afterwards? Don’t you think about anything except your cock? You’ve put us all at risk and, last night, you disobeyed a direct order.’

‘I…’ He was wilting in front of me. He could see where this was going by now, and the fight had gone out of him. ‘I did it to get you off the hook,’ he said, but it was a lame excuse, and I could tell he knew it.

‘You know I’m going to have to let you go, don’t you?’ I said, turning again to stare out the window. I didn’t want to look at him. I hated this kind of thing, but he’d brought it on himself.

‘Oh, no, Sir.’ He spoke quickly now, the words tumbling out on top of each other. ‘Please, Sir. Where am I going to find another job like this? With pay like this?’

‘It’s not my concern.’ I shrugged and turned to him, trying to suppress my anger. ‘My only concern at the moment is protecting the people you’ve put at risk. Look,’ I relented slightly. ‘I’ll give you some cash to tide you over. After that, it’s up to you.’

I went into the room next door. I always had a decent amount of cash in the safe, for emergencies. It took a few minutes to get the combination lined up correctly. It was an old safe – it had been my father’s – but it was solid and dependable enough for the amount I kept in it.

Finally, I got it open, and counted out enough cash to give him a few months’ breathing space. I shut the safe quickly, and went back into my office.

Rick was gone. As I looked out the window, I saw his car hurtling away up the driveway, past the avenue of lime trees and out on the darkening roads of Berkshire. I wondered why he hadn’t waited…why he was leaving empty-handed and in such a hurry.

It was only when I turned back to my desk to sort out the rest of my business, that I found the answer. Rick hadn’t left empty-handed at all. He’d taken the tape, and the letters, with him.

Nineteen

As the first strains of music crept out across the audience, people were still laughing and shouting, but as soon as Liv began to sing, the room fell silent. Her voice, though low, was rich and melodic, and it stopped the audience in its tracks.

I recognised the song straight away. It was one Leo and I had danced to when we’d first met, and the memory brought back the hurt all over again. We’d been happy then. He’d been a youth team player, and I was at college. He’d come to our student prom with a friend and we’d fallen in love almost at once. He was awkward and shy, and it had taken him the whole evening to get up the courage to ask me out. From the moment he had, we’d been inseparable.

The song brought it all flooding back but, after the initial shock of hearing it, the pain began to dwindle. I was too interested in the way Liv sang it. For such a dainty creature, she could sure kick out a tune. She’d put her own twist on it, taken a light love song to another plane entirely…dragged it kicking and screaming into a power ballad. She’d destroyed the original for me forever, and I was glad. There was a gothic edge to this version, too, which gave it a haunting quality. The audience loved it and, as she sobbed out the final notes, they yelled and cheered for more.

I put my empty glass down on the sawdust-strewn floor and clapped, feeling almost as proud as if it were me up there, drinking in the applause. Liv was loving it, beaming out at the audience and squinting against the bright lights. She spotted me and waved excitedly. Then her smile faded. She seemed to be looking behind me, and worry was etched into her face.

I turned to see what she’d been looking at. Chris and Stef were standing either side of me, drinks in their hands. I smiled at them both, relieved to have some company to take my mind off Leo.

‘Come with us,’ Stef said, handing me a beer. ‘Meet our mates.’

I followed them to the farthest corner of the room. There was a cluster of young guys there, sitting on benches. They all had surfer-dude hairstyles and tight tee-shirts that strained across their chests, and they laughed and cheered as we walked over to them. I felt awkward and shy.

‘Here she is.’ Stef pushed me forward. ‘This is Grace, and she’s on her own.’

‘Not anymore,’ one of the guys said. ‘Come and sit with us, babe.’

The benches were full, but Chris stepped forward and ducked down onto the end of one of them. He pushed the guys along and held out his hand to me. ‘Here, Grace. Sit on my lap.’

‘I…’ I hesitated and then, suddenly, it hit me. What the hell. I was single. I wasn’t looking for love. I might as well have some fun. ‘Okay,’ I said, and sank down onto his knee. All the guys laughed, and I smiled around at them, no longer caring what they thought of me. I guzzled down another half glass of beer, before putting both glasses on the table.

The rest of the guys introduced themselves. I didn’t catch their names…there were too many of them, and Liv had just started another song, so I couldn’t hear very well. It didn’t matter, anyway. It wasn’t like I was going to see them again.

The song was one Liv had written a few years before, and I’d heard it before. It was called ‘Want Your Money’ and it was more upbeat than the first one, with an Irish undertone. I was still perched on Chris’s knee, and he began tapping his foot to the music. It was that kind of song. The audience were all moving now, and the dance floor was getting more and more crowded. It was like a heaving, seething mass, with the occasional wrecker spilling out into the bar area.

Chris was swaying his knee as he tapped his foot, and I couldn’t help myself. I began to wriggle in time to the music. The feeling of his knee pressing and moving between my legs stirred something inside of me and, when he put his hand to my cheek and turned my face to his, I let him kiss me.

It was the first time I’d kissed anyone but Leo since I was in my teens, and it felt strange. I drew back, wondering what the hell I was doing, but he pulled me in close again, and pushed my mouth against his. His lips were dry and firm, and his breath smelt sweet from the beer. This time, when he put his hand to my jaw, I let him pull down my chin and push his tongue into my mouth. I let out an audible sigh, and the guys laughed and whooped.

I pulled away again, looking around at them. I wanted to stop, but Chris’s knee was still working its magic between my legs. The beer wasn’t helping, neither was the darkened room. It gave me a strange sense of being in a dream and, just as in any dream, my inhibitions seemed to have drained away.

Stef put his hands either side of my head and, pulling me away from Chris’s mouth, turned my face up to his. ‘Don’t I get one?’ he said, his eyes flashing suggestively.

I didn’t think twice. I opened my mouth to meet his, and let his wet tongue push between my teeth until it was moving and twisting against my own. Chris had moved his hands to my hips, and was pulling me down harder onto his knee. I squirmed against it, loving the feeling of it rubbing and forcing itself up into me. When he loosened his grip, and let his hands trail up my sides, I did nothing to stop him. He moved them round to my front, until he was cradling my breasts in his hands, inching up my sweater as he did so.

Several of the other guys had stood up now, and were standing around us watching, but I hardly noticed them. Stef was still kissing me, bending down over me and rubbing his fingers across my clit. I bucked and writhed on Chris’s knee, loving the dual stimulation. It was as if the rest of the room had vanished, and I was back in my fantasy. When Stef pulled back and lifted up his hand to my mouth, I sucked on his fingers, looking up at his leering face, completely unashamed.