I bite my lower lip. I debate. I feel so lame wanting relationship advice from my dad.

“Neil likes me. Like into me, likes me. But he doesn’t want to like me and I don’t know why. What’s wrong with me that a guy wouldn’t want to like me, when he already does?”

Jack’s blue eyes soften. “There is not a thing wrong with you. If he likes you, it’ll happen. You don’t need to make it happen. It just will. Maybe he’s got some shit to work through. People have shit, Chrissie. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

I hug my legs tighter against me. Last spring Linda Rowan said the very same thing to me. It’s strange to hear the exact same words out of Jack today.

I turn to stare out at the ocean. Being with Neil feels so much different than it felt being with Alan. No easier for me. No less confusing. Different. No less weird.

CHAPTER SIX

By four in the afternoon, I’m pissed. Neil said he would call and then didn’t. What a jerk. And I’m really annoyed with myself that I’ve spent an entire day wondering what the heck happened last night.

The more I replay it in my head, the less it makes sense. It was weird. There is no other word for it. But then there’s a lot about Neil that is just plain weird. What kind of guy admits to your face he’s had a boner over you for three weeks and never tries to make a move on you?

I shake my head, frustrated with my thoughts. It’s an unexpectedly emotionally taxing process to try to figure out a guy who doesn’t want to have sex with you.

The phone rings. I don’t move from my seat on the couch. Maria can answer it. It’s probably not even Neil. The phone rings nonstop all day for Jack.

I’m disappointed to realize I’m straining to hear Maria’s voice in the kitchen. And I’m also disappointed to realize I’m more than a little anxious wondering if it is Neil. Crap, we’re not even dating and I’m a fucked-up mess over him.

Finally. Maria exits the kitchen carrying the phone. So Neil did decide to call, after leaving me hanging all day.

I take the phone from her hand. “Hello.”

“Hi, Chrissie.”

I purposely don’t say hi back to Neil. A long pause. I can hear him breathing into the phone. I run my tongue along my dry lips and then pucker them tightly.

I wait.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he says quietly, an edge of contrite misery in his voice.

“It’s all right. No big deal. Just forget about it.”

I shake my head in frustration. What’s up with all the apologies? I don’t know why he keeps apologizing or why the apologies make my emotional messy messier.

“It’s not all right. I was an asshole. No guy should treat you that way.”

I struggle not to respond. God, this is awful. From completely comfortable with Neil to completely not comfortable with Neil, and all I did was give him a hand job in the car. My emotions turn; my stomach feels sick.

“I have to go, Neil.”

I start to hang up. I hear, “No! No, wait.”

I hold the receiver back against my ear.

“Are you still there, Chrissie?”

“I’m here.”

Another pause.

“Are we cool, Chrissie? Is everything OK between us?”

“Yep.” It’s the only word I can work out of my mouth.

More silence. Then, “I’ll pick you up in about an hour.”

That wasn’t even a request.

I don’t answer him.

“I’ll pick you up in an hour,” he repeats.

I take in a ragged breath. “OK.” I quickly click off the phone.

I toss the phone and then run my fingers through my hair. I rest my forehead in my palms. Why am I letting him pick me up? Talking on the phone with Neil was bad enough. Seeing him is going to be just unbearable.

The doorbell rings exactly one hour later. I sit on the bed and let Maria answer it. I’ve been dressed for over half an hour, but I’m not going to hurry out there. Neil wanted to pick me up. He can cool his heels with Maria for a while.

I go back into my bathroom, and give my hair and makeup once last check. I stare at myself in the mirror. At least I look together on the surface. I’m anything but together internally.

When I went to my bedroom to dress, I started to wonder why Neil wanted to see me. Belatedly, it occurred to me he might want to tell me to my face he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore. It surprised me how much the thought of that hurt me, and has made me more than a little nervous over the possibility that is why he wants to see me today.

Getting dumped when you are not even a guy’s girlfriend would be a humiliating thing.

I let fifteen minutes pass. I head for the living room. I stop in the entry hall and stare. Neil is across the room with Jack. They’re standing in front of the glass guitar cases, talking quietly. Neil’s stance tells me he’s engaged in the conversation with my dad. They’re probably all consumed in music talk. Musicians are always comfortable talking music together.

My brows hitch upward when I take note of how Neil is dressed. Nice jeans. A V-neck, long sleeve, gray wool sweater. A white t-shirt peeking from beneath the collar. Not even flip-flops today. Sneakers. I’ve never seen Neil in anything but his work clothes and casual-messy attire. It’s almost like he dressed for a date.

“Why didn’t you tell me your janitor was a musician?”

Jack’s amused voice pulls me from my thoughts.

I flush. “He’s not my janitor.”

I regret that comment the second it’s out because something flashes in Neil’s eyes, too quickly for me to read it, but it makes me feel bad anyway.

I drag my gaze away from Neil by focusing on walking into the sunken living room. I feel Neil’s eyes following me as I sit on the arm of the sofa. I let out a nervous breath.

“Are you ready to go?” Neil asks.

I nod.

“Where are you off to tonight?” Jack asks.

God, even this is weird. Until I saw Neil standing with my dad it didn’t register in my brain that I haven’t had a guy home to meet Jack since I was thirteen.

“Probably just dinner,” I hear Neil say from across the room. “I’ll have Chrissie home early.”

Early? What the does that mean?

“Are you ready to go?”

I look up. Neil has crossed the room to me without me noticing.

“You already asked. I already answered,” I say, rolling to my feet.

After Neil says his goodbyes to Jack, we walk in silence out of the house and across the driveway towards his car. I don’t know why I’m being so combative and petty. It’s just dinner. I’m not exactly sure why I’m going with him. I’m definitely not sure of Neil’s motivation in this.

Neil unlocks and opens my car door. He studies me cautiously. “I can’t read your mood. Are you pissed off? Are you upset with me? Or do you want to tell me fuck off and go away?”

I drop into the passenger seat. I peek up at him through my lashes. He looks nervous as hell. That surprises me, and for some reason it makes my mood soften.

“I don’t know yet,” I say. “This feels odd.”

Neil lets out a heavy sigh. “I don’t think odd covers it, Chrissie.”

He shuts my door. I try to look at him as he moves around the front of the car and then settles in the driver’s seat.

“Whose car is this?” I ask.

It’s nice. It’s a brand-new BMW. It seems like such a non-Neil thing to be driving an expensive car.

He turns on the ignition. “Mia’s. She doesn’t usually toss me the keys. I told her I fucked up last night. She practically hit me in the face with them when I asked to borrow it tonight.”

I exhale a long, ragged breath. “You seem really close to Mia.”

Neil nods and flicks on a turn signal. “I am. Mia and I’ve always gotten along. I don’t really fit in with the rest of cousins.”

I nod. I could feel that last night at Knapp’s Castle.

He turns onto the freeway heading south. I debate whether to ask him where we’re going.