I roll over in bed and stare at the ceiling. We had a good night last night in Santa Barbara. At least I thought so. The sex was different than it was with…I stop myself before I think his name… but the sex was good in its overheated sort of exuberant in-artfulness.

I like Neil. I always have fun with him. Even though he drives me nuts sometimes. Like he’s now, doing nothing but sleeping on my couch.

Shouldn’t he have wanted, pushed a little, to be in here in my bed? We’ve had sex. What’s up with the couch?

I sit up in bed, push the hair from my face, and stare at the door. Maybe Neil thinks I don’t want him with me in my room because I made a point of offering him the couch. What’s the worst that could happen? He could say no?

I pad across the bedroom, open the door, and peek out into the living room. It’s dark. I can’t tell if he’s asleep. Neil is stretched out on the couch. He’s over six feet. That can’t be comfortable for him.

I switch on the hall light and make my way to the sofa. I can feel his eyes on me. So, he’s awake too. I settle on the arm of the couch, the opposite end from where Neil’s head lays, and set my feet in the space between his legs.

“This feels really stupid. Do you know that?” I say into the darkness.

Neil turns, sits up and switches on the light on the end table.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

I take a deep breath. “We’re sort of dating. We’ve slept together. It feels really awkward having you sleep on the couch.”

Neil frowns. “Do you want me to go?”

“No. Sleep in the bedroom. It’s dumb having you out here.”

He lifts both hands in front of me, fingers spread wide as he shakes his head. “No, Chrissie. I’m not doing the living together thing. Especially since I’m a charity case.”

“Neil, you are not a charity case. We’re good friends. Friends help friends. And I’m not asking you to do the living together thing.”

He shakes his head again. “No. I want to take it slow with you. I’ve been lying out here all night wondering if even the couch is a mistake. When things go too fast, they get too intense and all fucked up. I don’t want that. Not with you.”

I stare at him. Alan and me; the prototype of too fast, too intense, and all fucked up. Neil is right. We shouldn’t do this. Still, I really want him in my room and not out here. I like how I feel when Neil is close to me.

“Why don’t we just move you to the bedroom and see how it goes? You do your junk. I do mine. None of that relationship bullshit. Just two friends living together until you can get your shit together and go back to Seattle. Clear, defined arrangement…” I do a meaningful lift of a brow. “…with a few benefits for both of us.”

He laughs and rakes a hand through his hair. “It won’t work. It’s going to get fucked up and I don’t want to fuck up everything with you, Chrissie.”

“Then don’t fuck it up.”

He gives me another tired, ragged laugh. “This couch is miserable.”

I sink  my teeth into lower lip to keep back my smile.

I stand up. “Come on, Neil. Grab your stuff, again.”

He lugs his possessions into my bedroom and sets them by the door.

“I’ll clear out a section of my closet and part of my drawers for you,” I say.

He shakes his head. “I don’t need closet space or drawers.”

“Well, I don’t want your crap sitting on the floor messing up my room.”

I climb into bed and wait for him.

He stares at me. “Why are you doing this?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

I watch him climb into bed beside me.

“I always get the left side,” I say, reaching over to switch off the light.

“I want to move slowly with you, Chrissie.”

“OK, we’ll move slowly.”

“I don’t want to mess up your life.”

“I’m just offering you a place to stay. Don’t worry it’s something it’s not. You’re not going to mess up my life.”

“Good night, Chrissie.”

He stays on his side of the bed, with a ridiculously large space between us. I can hear him breathing quietly, but he’s awake. Then he turns into my body. He kisses me beneath my hair on my neck. His arm slips around me. I scoot into him, my backside brushing him there. And that’s all it takes before Neil rolls me over and we start fucking again.

~~~

I lie on the bed, my cheek on the pillow, nose to nose with Neil.

“I don’t want to go,” Neil whispers.

“Then don’t go.”

“I have to. I have work today,” he says.

“Then go to work.”

“It’s kind of hard when you have a boner.”

I flush and bite my lower lip. “I’m a little sore.”

He makes a small pout, but his eyes are gleaming. He kisses me. “Sore, huh? Is it bad?”

My eyes round. “A little. I like it though.”

That makes him smile. Then, he rolls away from me, stretching back on his pillow and running a hand through his hair. He sits up.

“I’ve got to hop into the shower and get out of here.”

He starts rummaging through his things for his work clothes.

“What are you going to do all day while I work?” he asks.

“Probably sleep. My classes don’t start until Wednesday.”

He laughs. “Fine. Gloat. Rub it in.”

He tosses his clothes on the end of the bed.

“Do you have juice? Coffee? Anything?”

I sit up. “Everything.” I watch him walk to the door. He’s butt naked. Jeez, he’s got a beautiful body. I like that there’s no ink on it.  “Bring me some coffee.”

“You’re such a princess. You don’t even ask. You demand,” he says, but there’s a smile in his eyes.

I lay back in bed, curling around his pillow. The first night of being together—without being together—wasn’t bad. I start to doze, and then a door slamming jolts me awake.

I hear, from the living room, Rene exclaim loudly, “Oh fuck.” I sit up, reach for my shirt from the floor, and quickly pull it over my head.

Rene runs into the bedroom. She’s furious. She stops and stares at Neil’s pile of things by my door.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

I frown. “I thought you weren’t going to be back until tomorrow.”

She stares at me, hands on hips. “What is Neil’s stuff doing all over our living room and your bedroom? What’s going on here?”

“Neil is just staying here for a while,” I say matter-of-factly.

She drops heavily on the bed beside me. “Without asking me what I think, you’ve decided to move in Neil Stanton?”

I roll my eyes. “Jeez, Rene, you have guys overnight all the time. I don’t ever say anything to you about it.”

“I don’t have them move in.” Rene does a harsh shake of her head and then her eyes settle on me and widen. “I know you’re unhappy at Cal, Chrissie. But you don’t move into our condo some guy you don’t really know. This isn’t how you fix it.”

My cheeks burn red. Now I’m furious. “That’s not what I’m doing. I really like Neil.”

She gives me the look. “I can’t believe you did this.” She springs from the bed. At the door, she turns back to give me another heated, pointed stare. “This is fucked up.”

Rene slams the bedroom door behind her. From the hall I hear her scream, “Put on some clothes when you’re out of the bedroom.”

“OK Rene. Oh, and Josh says hi,” Neil bites off.

Silence. No-come back from Rene. She slams her bedroom door. In a minute Neil is in the room with me. He sets my coffee on the nightstand.

His face grows all serious and he sighs. “I don’t want to cause problems between you and Rene. Maybe I should move out right now.”

I stare up at him. I shake my head. “She’ll get over it.”

“It doesn’t sound like it’s going to happen anytime soon.”

“I don’t care, Neil. Stay.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

I sit in the passenger seat of the Volvo, staring at Rene as she fights her way through traffic toward campus.

“When are you going to get over this? It’s been four months, Rene. I’m really tired of you being pissed at me.”