Crap. I grab the remote and click off the TV. Everything inside me is suddenly running loose and frantic. I go from nearly emotionally-together to splintered with just one look at Alan.

I climb from the couch and wander into the kitchen. Dammit, Rene, why did you have to disappear on me tonight?

I check the clock. It’s only eight-thirty. What am I going to do for the rest of the night? I’m wide awake, and more than a little internally messy.

Maybe I should just go to the city with my new friend Teri.

I start to compile a list of things to do that would be smarter than going clubbing with Teri. I go to my bedroom and open my closet. I start rummaging through my clothes. I don’t know what to wear to a club in San Francisco. Two months and I haven’t been to the city. Even Rene hasn’t done the SF club scene.

I pull on a pair of jeans. I grab a black, silk shirt with a halter tie and my sneakers. I plop down on my bed to put on my Chucks. I go to the bathroom and do my hair and makeup in record time. I tuck my license, my fake ID, the keys, a credit card, and some cash into my pocket.  On my way to the front door, I debate whether or not to leave Rene a note.

Nope, forget her. She ditched me again.

~~~

I lean against the concrete wall outside the club, my hands shoved deep into my denim jacket. God, why is it always so cold in San Francisco at night regardless of the time of year?  I stare at the line of bodies in front of me. The line waiting to get into the club is really long. We’ll never get in.

“I’m glad you decided to come, Chrissie,” Teri says. She shakes her head. She does an angry exhale of breath. “I don’t know what happened to the rest of my friends. I so didn’t want to stay in the dorms tonight. I’m really glad you decided to do this.”

I smile at Teri. “Me too.”

It’s the truth, I’m sort of glad I decided to join her. When I got to her dorm room at Sterns Hall, Teri was the only one there. It made me feel a little sad for her and happy I decided to go out tonight. Even though going out was all about Alan and not wanting to be alone thinking of him, and not at all about her.

I stare at the line. This looks like it’s going to be a bust tonight. We haven’t moved in half an hour, and the upstairs bar is packed. Still, it’s better than sitting home alone.

I bounce against the wall. Finally. We get to move an inch.

“Where are you from?” Teri asks.

“Santa Barbara.”

Her eyes round, excited. “I’m from Ojai. We’re practically neighbors. Maybe when we drive home we can share rides.”

I smile. “Maybe.”

Jeez, I hope the entire night isn’t going to be boring small talk like this. No wonder her friends ditched her.

“Chrissie!”

I push off the wall and look down the street to see where my name is being called from. My eyes widen in surprise. Neil. I never expected to see him here and…crap…I never expected to see him looking so hot. He’s just wearing jeans, flip-flops and a black t-shirt, but I don’t know what it is; there’s something different in how he looks tonight.

I’m unsure what he wants me to do, so I wave.

Neil shakes his head, as if exasperated, and waves me to come to him.  When I don’t immediately move out of line, his look of exasperation intensifies.

I tap Teri on the arm. “Come on.”

“What?”

“There’s a friend of mine at the front of the line. I think he’s going to help us crash the club.”

“Really?” she says, ridiculously excited and hopeful. “God, usually I wait in this line until after midnight. It’s always so crowded here. Do you want me to wait here in case he can’t get us in? I’d hate to lose our place in line.”

“Come on,” I say. “If he can’t get us in, we’ll go someplace else.”

Teri gives me a slightly extreme look. “I don’t want to go someplace else. There is a band performing here tonight I really want to see. And everyone is here.”

I refrain from visibly rolling my eyes. “Then we’ll get back in line if he can’t help us.” I tap the girl in line in front of me and ask if she’ll hold our place.

I step out of line with Teri reluctantly following me. We’re almost to Neil when Teri grabs my arm, stopping me. I turn to look at her.

“You know the super-hot janitor?” she asks, amazed and definitely too loudly. “He never talks to anyone. How do you know him?”

I stare. This is definitely intense and definitely weird. “His name is Neil Stanton. He’s from my hometown.”

Neil stomps out his cigarette. I can tell by his expression he heard Teri’s booming super-hot janitor comment. He looks as if he wishes he hadn’t called me out of line.

He stares down at me. “What are you doing waiting in line? Did you leave your pretty-girl magic at home?”

I give him a face, tilting my head. “Ha. Ha. Ha. Hello to you too, Neil.”  I nod toward Teri. “This is my girlfriend, Teri. Teri, this is Neil.”

Teri blushes. She gives him a dewy-eyed look. Oh my… the girl looks overwhelmed and it’s just Neil Stanton.

“Hello, Neil,” she gushes.

Neil does a slight nod her direction with his chin. I frown at him. Jeez, that was rude.

“What are you doing down here?” I ask.

Neil shrugs. “Just hanging out. I’m going to play a few songs next set with the band. Keeps my edge up.”

My eyes round. So he’s still working on his music. I don’t know why, but that surprises me. I kind of thought it was bullshit, the way he talked about why he’s living in Berkeley now. I guess I was wrong.

“Well, maybe I’ll get to hear you if I can get inside tonight,” I tease.

He doesn’t take the hint.  He looks like he’s debating with himself about something. I stare at him.

Neil lets loose a sigh. “Come on. I’ve got to get back inside anyway.” He crosses the sidewalk towards the entrance. He nods toward the bouncer. “Hey Vince, this is Chrissie. She’s with me.”

It doesn’t escape my notice that he doesn’t mention Teri to the bouncer. What’s up with that? We get our hands stamped and are waved through without paying cover, or even having our fake IDs checked.

I follow behind Neil on the stairs to the upstairs bar.

“Got a little pull here, huh?” I ask.

He stops, turns, and looks at me. “I play here sometimes. That’s all.”

Upstairs is a packed, smoky cave of brick and glass, high ceiling with open beams, and wall to wall college students. The crowd is so thick, I can’t even see the band, but I can hear them. They’re a thundering loud rock band.

“So what now?” Teri shouts over the noise.

I shrug. “I guess we find someplace to sit.”

“The band has a table up by the stage,” Neil says. “You can hang out there if you want, Chrissie.”

I look at Teri. Her expression says she’s more than eager to accept Neil’s offer. We follow behind him as he cuts his way through the bar. She tugs on my jacket.

“Are you dating him?” she whispers.

My eyes widen. “Neil? No. I just know him from home.”

“He’s really cute. Do you… I mean, would it be OK…what I want to know is, if he tries to hit on me are you cool with that? Can I give him my number? You won’t be pissed, right?”

She can hardly string a sentence together and is more rambling than usual. Over Neil!

“Sure. No problem,” I repeat, but for some reason this entire exchange is irritating as hell. “We’re just friends.”

Teri’s eyes are sparkly, really excited. “Good. He’s freaking hot.”

I turn back around and Neil is nowhere to be seen. Crap, I’ve lost him in the crowd. I start to cut my way through the bodies toward the stage.  At the edge of the dance floor, I search the room. I find him standing beside a table.

I skirt along the edge of the dance floor until I reach him. I lean close in to say into his ear, “Thanks a lot for just leaving me back there.”

I make a face at him.