Bella turned her attention back to the television but soon she was staring blankly at the flickering screen, thinking back on what she’d seen. And where the hell was Jake? She reached for her wineglass and drained it, feeling the sour red wine slide over her tongue, puckering her mouth. She could hear the murmur of voices from the kitchen. Christ, she hoped there was some food left; Carl had looked so forbidding. For a moment, she felt like crying. She felt suddenly lost, the warm cosy mood of the evening punctured by his return. She turned off the TV and made her way up the stairs, wondering whether she was going mad, or if it was just the rest of the world.

Chapter Thirteen

Jake paused, gasping for breath. Bella tried to smile up at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

He began to thrust again, slamming himself into her. Bella held onto his back, fingers slipping. Her gasps were jolted from her but as his tempo increased, it began to hurt. She could feel herself start to tense up and then it hurt more.

“Jake – “

He said nothing, pumping his hips faster. His face was grimly set, teeth clenched. For a moment, Bella experienced a brief flash of fear – it was like looking up into the face of a stranger.

“Jake – ow – “

His thrusting reached a peak and he groaned, almost shouted.

Bella sucked in her breath, a quick gasp of pain. Jake fell forward onto her, his sweaty face buried in the pillow beside her neck. She could feel him panting against the throb of her jugular.

He slid out of her and she winced. He didn’t say anything.

Normally, they cuddled after sex but this time he rolled onto his back. She had the feeling he would have turned away from her completely if he could, if he thought she wouldn’t comment.

They lay there beside each other in the dark, listening to their breathing slowly wind down. Bella touched herself tentatively and pulled her breath in again at the rawness between her legs.

“What’s wrong?” asked Jake, finally.

Bella hesitated. “I’m a bit sore.”

“Oh. Well, I would have stopped if you’d asked me.”

She winced again at his tone.

“I did, I said – “

“No you didn’t. I didn’t hear you say anything.”

Bella’s throat began to close up. She tried to keep her voice calm.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s the matter with me. It’s just my bloody girlfriend that seems to have the problem.”

Bella paused for a moment. Something was all wrong - surely this wasn’t all her fault?

“What do you mean?” she said and heard, with a kind of panic, the wobble in her voice.

Jake was silent for a moment. Then he said, with a hard, bitter edge to his voice, “Christ, I’m amazed I can do it at all, given all this grief.”

That was when Bella began to lose her temper. She sat up in bed, pulling the duvet up to cover her chest.

“What? What the hell does that mean? What did I say?”

Jake turned away from her. She looked at the rigidity of his back, held stiffly away from her.

“God, now it’s all my fault that you aren’t satisfied. I’m not a fucking machine, Bella, I can’t do it to order.”

“What are you talking about?” Bella wasn’t sure whether her anger or her bewilderment had the upper hand. “I didn’t – what did I say apart from ‘I’m sore’? I am sore! What, am I supposed to lie about it?”

Jake was on his feet so quickly she flinched back from him. He knelt naked on the mattress and shouted at her, a foot from her startled face. In an instant, he was transformed, his face an ugly, snarling mask.

“You’re not supposed to do fucking anything! Who the fuck asked you anyway? Go on, fuck off!”

Bella looked at him, open-mouthed, terrified, bewildered. He stood up, snatched up her dressing gown that lay at the foot of the bed, and flung it at her.

"Go on, get out!"

The door slammed behind her. Bella stood in the hallway, weeping and shivering.

There were murmurings from Carl's room further down the corridor, and then the door opened and Veronica's sleepy blonde head poked out.

"What's going on?"

Bella was beyond pretending everything was okay. She wasn't able to say anything - she just stood there, shaking her head and sobbing. She heard the bass rumble of Carl's voice as he asked a question. Veronica shook her head at him and stepped outside into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

"Shhh, Bella, it's okay."

Her arms went around Bella, who lowered her wet face onto the other girl's shoulder. Veronica rocked her back and forth.

"It's okay, don't cry. Don't cry. I won't ask you what this is all about but - hey - did you want to sleep in my bed tonight? I'm not using it. Don't cry. It'll all seem different in the morning."

Bella nodded gratefully, swiping her hand under her running nose. At that moment, she hated Jake - hated him for putting her through this misery, for being so unreasonable. She felt more tears well up and put her hand up to her eyes to quell them.

Veronica led her into her bedroom and pulled back the covers. Bella wriggled into the fragrant sheets and Veronica pulled the covers tenderly over her. She stroked Bella's hair back from her forehead.

"Ignore him," she said quietly. "It's the only way to win, believe me."

Bella stared up at her in the half-dark. The bedclothes were beginning to warm around her, while Veronica's soft hand moved smoothly over her forehead, stroking her hair away from her face. Bella felt lulled, a child soothed after a nightmare. Veronica's hand moved slowly down to the ends of her hair that curled about her breast, up again to Bella's forehead, down again to the ends of her hair, slowly, slowly. Bella felt a gradual heat begin to rise within her and her nipples stiffened under the thin cotton of her dressing gown. Veronica's fingers moved softly down her cheek, barely skimming her neck, over her collarbone, sinking downwards to stroke gently over the raised bumps of her rigid areole. Bella felt her breathing begin to quicken. Veronica's hand went up again to her face, down again to her breast, brushing softly. Bella felt the pulse that had begun to beat between her legs thump harder. She swallowed.

"Will you be alright?" said Veronica. She breathed it out. Bella nodded mutely.

"Good. Sleep well then."

Veronica bent lower and kissed her on the mouth. For a second, she felt the merest pressure of the other girl's tongue and felt the heat within her leap up a notch. Then Veronica was gone, walking away from her towards the door, shutting it behind her. Bella lay beneath the bedclothes, on fire.

*

She woke slowly, her head clogged with the remnants of her dreams. Each eyelid felt as if a lead weight was attached to it and the room revealed itself to her in flutters. There was a reason though, for waking – something was tugging at the corner of her consciousness. She came fully awake at the same time as she realised someone was in the room. Someone was sitting on the edge of the bed.

She bolted upright, gasping in sudden panic. The figure didn’t move. Bella clutched the duvet to her chest, feeling her heart thump against her ribcage.

The dark shape chuckled and Bella fell back against the pillows, breathless with adrenaline and relief. It was only Carl. But what was he doing sitting on her bed, in the dark?

“Carl, you scared the shit out of me. I thought you were a nightmare come to life.”

He smiled and she could see the dim gleam of his teeth in the darkness. “Thanks a lot.”

“You know what I mean.” Bella exhaled loudly, bringing a shaking hand up to her forehead. She felt weak from the backwash of adrenaline. “I thought – I thought – well, it doesn’t matter what I thought. God, you scared me.”