Despite the misery of the past couple of weeks, she still felt a pulse of excitement at the thought of seeing him. I love him, she thought. I can’t help it. The photograph surfaced once more in her mind and she fought to push it back.

Jake was waiting for her in the pub, which pleased her, and he’d already bought her a glass of wine, which pleased her more. She walked up to him, conscious of the smile that began to stretch her face. It was echoed by his grin.

“Hello babe. Cold out, isn’t it? Sit down here with me.”

He kissed her deeply. For a brief moment, the face of the blonde girl in the photograph flashed across her consciousness. Bella clenched her teeth. Leave it, just leave it. Stop thinking about it.

They chatted for a while, sat close to one another, legs entwined under the table. Bella felt herself relax as the wine began to slowly warm her stomach. She shifted herself even closer to Jake, her thigh touching his thigh. They’d planned to have a meal here but she was starting to think that going straight home to bed was a better option. She was just about to suggest this when Jake said something that drove it from her mind.

“I thought we’d go and see my father tomorrow.”

Bella looked at him in silence, too surprised to speak.

Jake fiddled with his glass.

“I’d like you to meet him. I should have taken you earlier – I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Bella forced herself to speak.

“That’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I’m really sorry. Listen, Bella – “

Jake turned to face her fully and took her hand. “I know things haven’t been good lately. I’ve been – it’s my fault, I know. I wanted to let you know how sorry I am. I love you.”

Bella blinked, her eyes stinging. She leant forward and kissed him.

“I love you too,” she said, whispering against his open mouth. Jake put both hands up to her face, cupping her jaw in his fingers. He stared at her intently. Bella had the sudden, absurd idea that he was going to ask her to marry him, and felt her heart begin to beat faster.

“I’m really sorry,” he said softly. “You don’t deserve it. You saved me, Bella. You’re my saviour.”

She felt her face heat up and wondered if he could feel it beneath his own warm palms.

“We saved – we saved each other,” she said, stuttering slightly. “That’s – that’s what’s important.”

Jake released her. She sat back and took his hand.

“Things haven’t been good for me,” he muttered. He looked down at his lap and a lock of black hair fell forward, hiding his eyes. “You have no idea, how bad it was – it’s just something I have to deal with on my own. It just means, well, I’m not always the easiest person to deal with. I’m sorry, Bella. I’ve made so many mistakes in my fucked-up life, I don’t want to make another one.”

Bella nodded in encouragement, hiding her confusion. What was he saying? What did he mean? She opened her mouth to ask him but he began to speak again.

“The others – I thought they were going to be okay with it. Or maybe they thought I was going to be okay with it. I thought I could trust them.”

Jake seemed to be talking to himself now. Bella had to strain to hear him.

“Thought it was the right thing to do at the time –“ was the only thing she could make out.

“Jake?”

He looked up at her. His eyes were smudged beneath with bluish shadow; he looked exhausted.

“Are you okay?”

He smiled weakly and touched her face. The skim of his finger reminded Bella of something – after a second it came to her; Carl putting his hand to her cheek as she and Veronica sat on the sofa.

“It’s alright, Jake. I can help you, you know, if you need me to. I’m on your side.”

She felt very grown up and capable saying that. She had to fight against an impulse to take Jake into her arms and hold him against her breast, rocking him to calmness. She compromised, brushing the hair from his eyes. He smiled at her.

“Thanks, darling. I know I can rely on you.”

She nodded.

“So, we’ll go and see my old man tomorrow, yeah? I warn you, he can be a bit of an arsehole.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry though. He’ll probably turn on the charm for you though. And afterwards, we’ll go out, just the two of us. Anywhere you want to go. A nice meal somewhere. Clubbing. Whatever you want.”

Bella laughed and rubbed his thigh.

“Anything?” she said, raising her eyebrows.

He grinned, back to normal, back to the Jake she loved.

“You bet. In fact, let’s just sack the old man off and spend the day in bed.”

She grinned because he was joking. All of the sudden, she felt very happy, and very hungry. She took a gulp of her warm wine.

“I’m starving. Shall we eat?”

*

They took the bus to Jake’s father’s house. Jake’s car had a flat battery.

“I mean, I hardly use it,” he said. They were walking hand in hand, up the slowly sloping hill to the bus stop. “I don’t really need it. Carl’s got his fuck-truck, of course, but that’s just part of being a banker, you have to have your little four-wheeled status symbol. He hardly drives it either.”

Bella giggled at ‘fuck-truck’. She squeezed Jake’s hand.

They walked further on up the hill, footsteps slowing a little as the incline got steeper. They passed the entrance to the underground station and Bella could feel herself tense up.

“Of course,” said Jake slowly, as if the tension in her body had communicated itself to him, “Of course, if we don’t start using the tube again, I might have to start using it a bit more.”

“No,” said Bella. It came out as an involuntary statement, nothing to do with Jake’s car. It was the word ‘tube’ – it set up an immediate word-association in her brain, a blank no, every time.

“Bella, you’ve got to use it again at some point. I’ve got to use it again at some point.“

“Why?” she said stiffly. “Is there some law that says because you live in London you have to take the tube?”

“Alright, alright. I’m not quarrelling with you today.”

He pulled her close to him and put his arm about her waist. Bella sighed.

“Sorry. It’s just that- “

“I know. Don’t worry about it. Look, here’s the bus now.”

Mr Goldman lived in another part of Highgate but in a very different type of house to the one on Fever Street. Bella looked about her in amazement as they walked through the gated entrance at the start of the road and began to walk up the long drive to the house itself.

“It’s huge.”

“Ostentatious, I think you’ll find is the word,” said Jake with a grin.

“I’m nervous now,” said Bella, showing him her trembling hands.

“Don’t be silly.” He pulled her close and kissed her as they stood on the enormous doorstep. They were still joined at the lips when the door opened.

Bella disentangled herself, blushing. The woman regarding them with a mixture of boredom and incredulity was a short, brittle blonde. She was smooth-faced but something about her was redolent of middle-age. Perhaps it was the knotted tendons that showed in the back of her hands, ugly beside the diamond cluster on her ring finger and the polished red nails that tipped her fingers.

“Hi Angela,” said Jake. “Dad home?”

“He’s in the garden,” said Angela. She had a high, clipped voice. “And who’s this?”

Jake rolled his eyes. “This is Bella, my girlfriend.”

“Hello,” said Bella, nervously. She held her hand out for Angela to shake, who did so rather limply. Bella felt the merest pressure of the hard edges of the diamond ring against her hand.

“Well,” said Jake, “We’ll go on through then.”

They walked into the hallway past Angela who stood automaton-like in the doorway, turning stiffly around to watch them go. Bella looked wide-eyed about her. Their footsteps echoed off the acreage of shiny white tiles that covered the floor of the enormous hallway. The carpets were cream and immaculate, the walls hung with gold-framed prints and oil paintings.