No wonder she avoided baseball players.
In the next inning, he looked up in time to see Zach slide into home and score. His Cleveland teammates high-fived and embraced him, and he walked off the field the hero. Frowning, Gavin wondered if Jessica was watching. They had several televisions in the physical therapy room, so she didn’t have to be present to be aware that her ex was the man of the hour. Was she proud of that, proud of him? As the dark-haired, muscular outfielder returned to the dugout, Gavin tried to picture him as Jessica’s boyfriend.
Her lover.
The knot in his belly tightened and he refused to give in to the disturbing visual. He didn’t want to think of her that way, especially in the arms of this guy. Yet he realized he had no claim on her, no relationship other than a budding friendship.
Abruptly he got up and went in search of refreshment. Derek looked at him quizzically. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just hoping there’s no goldfish in the water today.”
“Good luck with that.” Derek popped a peanut in his mouth and grinned.
—
Zachary was waiting for Jessica when she finished cleaning the physical therapy room. Everyone had gone, even Phil, and she was turning down the thermostat when she felt his presence behind her.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
She straightened, putting the last of the towels on the dryer, and decided to ignore the endearment. “Hello, Zach. I heard you scored the winning run.”
He shrugged, his smile that dazzling white glitter. “All in a day’s work.”
The self-deprecation didn’t fool her. He was beaming like a little boy, showing off, proud of his accomplishment. And she guessed he had a right to be, but not on her time.
“It’s a little chilly,” he said, his eyes twinkling in amusement. She knew he meant more than the temperature. “How about a cup of coffee?”
“There’s the pot.” She indicated the last of the beverage. When he gave her a questioning look, she shrugged. “Look, Zach, let’s get this over with. Say what you have to say and then go. I’m tired.”
“Fair enough.” He helped himself to the coffee, taking his time to add sugar.
She sat on the edge of her desk and waited. When he realized she wasn’t going to fall into his trap of making this a cozy little conversation, he sighed.
“Okay, I realize now I was kind of an ass to you after we broke up.”
“Kind of?” Jessica’s brow arched.
“You’re right,” he admitted, sipping the steaming brew. “I am not proud of the way I acted. I was just angry that you left me, I guess.”
Her gaze leveled him. “So is that it? You feel bad. I appreciate that. If that’s all…”
“No.” For the first time he seemed to struggle with what he wanted to say. When he lifted his face, his eyes were not those of the Zach she’d come to hate, but the one she’d originally loved.
“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to put it on the table. I miss you. I haven’t been right since we broke up. It took me a while to get here, to know what I had lost. But I do now.”
She took a deep breath. She wasn’t expecting this. There was a time when she would have been thrilled to hear those words, but she was way past that, and for her there was no turning back.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that way about you anymore. You can’t hurt me the way you did, and then think you can come back here and it’s all okay. It’s not.”
“I know I have to prove myself to you, that I have changed.” He tried to move closer to her, putting the mug aside and attempting to take her into his arms. But she stepped backward firmly and picked up her bag.
“Don’t. Don’t say anything else, don’t do anything else. I’m flattered that you want to make things right between us, but that’s it. I’m over it, and you should be too. You have a new girlfriend, a new start. My advice is to make the most of it.”
She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t argue; knowing Zach, he had no intention of giving up his actress. His silence only confirmed what she knew to be true, and she picked up the keys, starting for the door. But he grabbed her as she tried to pass him and pulled her into his arms.
“Come on, Jess. What’s the big deal? So I fooled around.” His apologetic manner was gone, replaced by the attitude of the jerk she remembered. He gave her that little-boy smile, certain it would make her melt the way it once did. “We all do. It’s part of being involved with a pro ballplayer. You knew that going in.”
He tried to kiss her, certain that she wanted this, wanted him. Her left hand holding the keys snapped forward, but he’d anticipated her movement and caught her wrist.
“Still ready to take on the world.” He grinned, an appreciative eye running over her face, hair, and slender figure. “I miss tackling you, feeling you squirming beneath me. I don’t believe you’re over me, not by a long shot, and I’ll prove it.”
“Get your hands off me!” She yanked away from him, and he stepped back, startled by the sudden severity of her movement.
“Let me make this perfectly clear,” she said, seething with anger. She hadn’t thought he’d try to get physical with her; he’d never done that in the past, so she had no reason to anticipate it. She didn’t know if it was all ego on his part, massive stupidity, or what. But in any case, she wasn’t putting up with it. “My answer is ‘no.’ Touch me again and I’m calling the cops.”
“Police?” He stared at her, astonished, as if unable to rationalize what he was hearing. “Jess, this is me.”
“I know exactly who you are. Zach, we are over. So over there should be another word for it. Goodbye.”
He hesitated for a moment as if in the middle of an inner debate, but then he swore, picked up his jersey, and stormed out.
Alone at last, Jessica locked the door and then slumped against her desk. Tears stung her eyes but she firmly blinked them back. She wouldn’t waste any more of them on him, and she discovered the anger made her stronger. But she couldn’t help the painful knot in her throat, or the crushing pressure around her heart. When she had gotten involved with the ballplayer, she never dreamed it could end up like this: nasty and ugly.
And now she was having trouble even remembering any of the good stuff. She felt like ten times a fool for ever getting involved with him in the first place, especially now that she understood what an asshole he was. It wasn’t even her he wanted: he just needed to prove to himself that he could have her again.
It was beyond disgusting.
A knock sounded, bringing her abruptly out of her thoughts, and anger flashed through her. If he’d had the nerve to come back, this time she would make good her threat. Picking up one of the weights, she opened the door.
Her breath whooshed out as she saw Gavin.
“You all right?”
He looked so handsome, so calm and rational, a port in a storm. He was dressed in his Sonics uniform and jacket, his jaw tight, his eyes searching hers. The devastating smile was gone. He’d obviously been waiting, worried and concerned.
For her.
To her utter disbelief, she fell apart.
Chapter 14
“Jess?” Gavin was inside in a second, his arms around her. The weight slipped from her fingers and crashed to the floor, but neither one noticed. Kicking the door shut behind him, he led her to her desk, and she sank down onto the wood top, sobs emanating from deep inside of her.
“Did he hurt you?”
There was fury in his eyes. Dimly she realized what he was asking.
“No. Not the way you think.” She tried to wipe at her eyes with her hands, but it didn’t help. It was as if all of the pain had been neatly bottled up for a very long time, and now there was no stuffing it back inside.