“Champagne room, high roller, bought two dances in,” glancing at his watch, Charlie continued. “Seven minutes, Eden.” He was gone as fast as he appeared.

“Duty calls.” I watch as she stands, leans closer to the mirror, and freshens the red paint on her lips before her eyes meet mine in the mirror. “I was only screwing with you, you know? I don’t think it’s twisted…at all actually. But now that you know? Don’t deny yourself because you have some thought that it’s wrong.” Straightening up, I watch as she adjust her breasts, pulling them higher, giving herself more cleavage than seconds ago. Before walking out the door, she stops with her hands planted on either side of the door frame and speaks without looking at me. “From what I can tell, Skye? You’ve got two men that understand that—maybe more than you do. Choose one and let the other go because you’re an easy woman to love and that’s just not fair to either of them.”

Then, she leaves—just leaves and I’m left alone replaying her words in my head. “You’re an easy woman to love…” I swallow the lump in my throat. I’ve never seen myself as that. Her words hit me hard. Truth is I’ve built this wall around me, a wall of protection. Protection from what? Oh I don’t know…from love? I’ve never let a man in, never to get close enough, close enough to destroy me when he finally leaves. They all leave. Fathers die, mothers start over, and sisters move on without you.

A sob breaks free, and catching my reflection again in the mirror, I look at myself like I’ve never seen my own face before. I hadn’t—at least not like this, I haven’t. When my father was dead and buried so was a piece of me, a piece of my heart. And, when I needed my mother to remind me that life goes on and that’d we be okay? She left Rain and me for a new life, a new beginning, and now she has a new family. I thought I’d be okay as long as I had Rain by my side, but then, she left too. I wasn’t a child according to the days on the calendar, but I’d never felt more like a little girl than those dark days after being left by my lonesome.

It took me a long time to understand that life wasn’t over and I could make it on my own. I’d done it everyday since. I hadn’t realized that I’d closed myself off from even the smallest possibility of something more with someone, something real. And quite honestly? I know now that’s what had me using Jaden like I’d been doing. Yeah, yeah, I know it was me bent over the desk and it was me getting fucked against a car. Yeah, he ran the show, but in a fucked up way, it was always me.

One can’t lead without a follower and I followed. Trust me I know…I was there. Yup, I was there kicking and screaming until I got what I needed from him. A distraction. Proof I wasn’t falling for a man that I’d only known for weeks, one that would leave one day with another piece of my heart.

How had I gone through all these years and not even seen what I was doing. I’ve had relationships, a couple serious ones, but now I see that I was the one who sabotaged them. Everyday, from the very first one, I had been subconsciously destroying every relationship that I’d acted like I wanted. Of course, when they failed? Never did I blame myself; no, I always planted the blame solely on his back. Matt, Gavin, Ryder, I played the victim every time, blamed them for leaving me in the end. Not that I’d given them any other option. I’d pushed and pushed, until they’d finally had enough.

Hello there guilt, my old friend. Just another punishment I’d been dishing out to myself these days, huh?

How can I not have guilt? I hurt a man like no other. Once again, I played the victim role that I portray oh so well. Rhett. I doubt Jaden gives a shit that he was used and abused as well. I’d bet the sick fuck loved every unhealthy second of it.

“Look at you. All aboard the hot-mess express.” Reduced to talking to my own reflection. You’ve had all these chances at a happily ever after and what did you do? “What did you do?” My breath caught, and I caved into the tears again. Chance after chance, with men who’d shown me they loved me, but I could never give them the same—not that I had believed it was love at the time. They had the strength that I only pretended to have. Learning very well, over the years, how to play the strong woman who didn’t need anyone—dammit, I needed someone. God, I needed someone so much. The lies I’d told myself over the years had left me with the life of loneliness that I’d come accustomed to.

Black mascara tracks ran down my face, my eyes were red rimmed and puffy, and I’d never felt more alone than I do at this minute.

“Skye?” I heard my name, but it sounded distant. “Skye!” Hearing it again, my eyes left the mirror and focused on Eden’s face, only inches from my own, concern clearly written all over her beautiful appearance.

“I’m easy to love?” Even I’m surprised those are the words I say.

Her long hot pink nails make my mouth twitch when she frames my face with her hands, wiping my tears with her thumbs. Resting her forehead against mine, she starts uncovering the heart that I’ve kept hidden for so long.

“Yes, you Skye Blake are one of the easiest people to fall in love with…” Searching my eyes with hers, I know there’s more. “You’re just not that easy to keep loving.”

Those words are my undoing. The sound that escapes frightens even me. This time, when she hugs me close, her arms wrapped around me tightly, I don’t try to break free like I always have in the past. This time? I let myself soak in the love she’s offering without thinking that she will leave me someday too. I feel Eden’s tears soak through my hair, her pulse against my flesh letting me know I’m not alone in a journey I fear has only just begun.

I’m scared. I’m done pretending to be the strong woman who never needs anyone. I need so much. I need to think. I need forgiveness as much as I need to forgive myself. I need to figure out my life before I can have someone share it with me. Most of all? I need to love myself before I can expect somebody else to.

**Jaden**

I hadn’t heard from Skye in over six days before she’d finally waltzed into the gym like she hadn’t been killing me by not responding.

I knew I should stay away, I knew it, but I couldn’t. Let’s be honest here, shall we? When have I ever done what I should’ve done? Exactly.

Ya know, there was a time when I had. Done what I should’ve done that is. For real. I dated the homecoming queen, waited nine months to bed her on prom night. Still makes me smile. We’d went to colleges eight hours away from each other, but even the long distance relationship stood the test of time—well and miles. The night after Rachel graduated, I went down on bended knee and asked for her hand in marriage. Five months to the day, we stood in front of the priest, sweaty palms and all. I’d suddenly had the life I’d dreamed of since high school. Life was good, we were good, or so I thought.

Rachel and I had been married exactly 127 days when I’d come home from the job I held at the local community center. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I’d walked into our apartment and saw my new bride crumbled on the floor with a white plastic stick clenched in her hand. Immediately I knew it was a pregnancy test. My heart began to pound so loud I’d still swear to this day that I’d heard it. Taking the stick from her shaking hand, I saw the blue plus sign and I knew I was going to be a father.

Taking her in my arms, I squeezed her as hard as I deemed safe for her and the baby. Her body shook with every soft sob and I was confused whether she was upset or just overcome like me. Then, my world stopped on its axis and I was left hovering, when Rachel confessed the only thing that could destroy us. “It’s not yours, Jade.” Her grip tightened around me. “I’m so sorry, so-so sorry.”