“Damn it, Rory. What happened? You stopped for a while, like at least the last few weeks. Am I wrong?” Seamus paced back and forth.

“I did.”

“Then why did you start again? The whole family was about to force you into rehab, but then we noticed you getting better. That girl was having a good influence on you—you were getting better.”

“It’s not that simple,” Rory mumbled, dropping his head again.

“It is that simple, son. You’re walking around here with a giant chip on your shoulder, like the world owes you something. That’s not how your mother and I raised you.” Seamus’s voice drifted from commanding to sorrowful as he talked.

“Dad, I’m fine.”

“Do you have anything on you right now?”

Rory realized too late that he had unconsciously put a protective hand over his pocket when his father asked him that. Seamus put his hand out, motioning for Rory to empty his pockets. Rory reluctantly reached a hand in and pulled out the sandwich bag, then dropped it in his father’s hand.

“Shit,” a female voice behind them mumbled.

Another woman’s voice joined in. “What’s that?”

Both Rory and his father turned to find Casey and Clare staring at the interaction. Rory’s jaw dropped in shock. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He had honestly thought he would never see her again. She had left everything behind, including him.

“Rory, please tell me you’re not high right now.” Casey sounded so forlorn and heartbroken, causing another sweep of guilt to pass through him at the thought of disappointing one of the most important women in his life.

“Clare, you’re here,” he stuttered, baffled at what to say. This was less than the ideal way to see her again, handing a bag of pills to his father.

“Casey, I’m handling this,” Seamus told her.

“Rory, what’s going on? What do they mean?” Clare looked stricken; her face had lost what little color it first had. Her hand absently dropped to pet Ace, who had gone rushing over to her the moment her presence was known. Rory glared at him for a second. Traitor.

“I thought you left,” he said, as if it was a clear explanation.

“I’m staying at Casey’s. We tried calling you. I had to tell you something.” Clare’s eyes swept over him, filled with something he couldn’t identify.

Rory suddenly realized that he didn’t have his phone on him, having left it on his kitchen table last night. He hadn’t even bothered to check it again—since Clare didn’t have her phone with her, there was nothing he needed it for. At least that was what he had thought, but he was clearly wrong.

“So you started doing drugs?” Clare turned to his family for confirmation, clearly trying to figure out what was going on.

No one said anything, and Rory cringed as he saw the realization finally strike her. Shame swelled up in him, threatening to burst forth in a thousand excuses. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, having spent the last twelve hours thinking she was gone for good. He wanted to memorize everything about her, wanted to run over and wrap his arms around her, kiss her until he could taste nothing but her.

“It was never only alcohol, was it?” Clare asked.

He didn’t move; no one did.

“I can’t—I can’t do this.” She stumbled over her words, gawking between him and Casey. “You know I can’t. Not again—I can’t do it.”

Rory’s cousin just bit her lip nervously, glancing over at Rory with wide eyes. Clare backed up, then turned and briskly walked away from them. Ace whimpered. Rory moved to follow her, but Casey put her hands up and stepped in front of him.

“You have to let her go right now.”

“What? No, I just got her back!”

“Rory, stop. Let her go,” Seamus said, echoing similar advice before shoving the bag of pills into his pocket and heading back to the gym door. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow, son. Just go home for the day.” He walked inside, leaving Rory with Casey.

“I tried to call you a dozen times last night and this morning, Rory. Shit, this is such a mess. I mean, can you stop fucking everything up for once? You’re so much better than this. My cousin, my best friend—he is so much better than this, Rory.” Her eyes were teary as she spoke, which made him turn away. He couldn’t see her cry.

“I’m going to go check on her. Just go home, Rory.”

“What the fuck just happened? What is going on?” he said to no one in particular, as he found himself alone on the sidewalk.

He felt nauseous and confused. He wondered for a moment if this was what it felt like to lose your mind. Twelve hours had made his life unrecognizable; everyone he loved was angry with him.

Clare wasn’t gone, and yet she was.

He had lost her just as soon as he had found her.

Chapter 16

“He’s calling again.” Casey looked over at Clare expectantly, holding her phone up a few hours later.

“I can’t, please, I just can’t,” Clare told her, grabbing a pillow off the couch at Casey’s apartment and burying her face in it.

“All right, but we’re going to have to talk to him eventually. Well, you’re going to have to.”

“I know, and I will.” Clare dropped the pillow back down to her lap. “Be honest with me, Case. How long has he been using?”

“A while, but it’s really only been bad since the physical therapy from his injury ended.”

Clare studied her friend’s face as she talked, noting the sadness in her expression.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you knew; most people do.”

“I knew he drank! How was I supposed to know it was more than that?” Clare was exasperated, and she wondered if she was foolish to think Casey was really her friend. She hated anything that had to do with drugs; she wouldn’t even take aspirin. Yet her boyfriend was an addict. Is he even my boyfriend?

This feels familiar. She closed her eyes in dread.

“Clare, I adore you, I really do, but it’s Rory. He’s like my brother—he’s been everything to me my whole life.” Casey’s normally sparkling blue eyes were dull and tortured.

Clare stood up from the couch and nodded, ambling over to the kitchen and lifting her coffee mug from under the coffeemaker, which just finished brewing. As she tossed in a little sugar and some creamer, she realized that of course Casey’s loyalties were to Rory, as they should be.

She wondered whether, if she still had a family, it would have been that way. There just seemed to be so much she didn’t understand about familial relationships; every day she spent with the Kavanagh family, she learned something new.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. I didn’t mean to put you between us like that,” Clare apologized as she brought her coffee back over to the couch where Casey was sitting with her knees tucked up against her chest.

“I know, but I do love you, girl. We’ve only known each other a couple months, but you know I’d help you if I could.”

“I know.” Clare smiled at her. “You do too much for me. You definitely got the short end of our friendship.”

Casey shook her head in disagreement, changing topics.

“We do still need to talk to Rory about Travis,” Casey reminded her after a quiet moment had passed between the women.

“No, we don’t,” Clare instructed her adamantly.

“Well, what do you plan to do, then?”

“Pretend none of this is happening and that I’m on a tropical beach?”

“I definitely like that better,”

“Who wouldn’t?” Clare smirked.

“In all seriousness, though, you’re going to stay here with me, right? Don’t just up and leave like you tried last night, Clare. Your ex will obviously find you anywhere you go, so why not stay someplace safe with people who care about you.”