I swallowed thickly. “Yeah. It was.”

Sometimes it felt like another life.

My normally oblivious band mate was watching me way too closely. I didn’t like it.

“All right then. So don’t give me shit about something that shouldn’t matter,” Cole countered and I couldn’t say anything.

It shouldn’t matter.

Sophie was my girlfriend.

Gracie doesn’t matter.

“I gotta go call Viv. She gets pissy if I don’t help her out in the evenings, if you know what I mean,” Cole leered, getting out of the booth. “Order me something with a lot of bacon.” He headed back to the bathroom.

“Let’s hope no one walks in on him rubbing one out this time,” Jordan said, shaking his head.

“Yeah,” I agreed off handedly, not caring about Cole having phone sex with Vivian in a public restroom.

I pushed my way out of the booth. “I’ve gotta go,” I told them, dropping some cash on the table and getting the hell out of there, not caring that Jordan and Garrett were staring at me like I had lost my damn mind. Which right now wasn’t a far off possibility.

I should have gone back to the bus to talk to Sophie. To make her feel better. Cole’s sordid trip down memory lane had to make her feel like shit.

But I didn’t go after her.

It shouldn’t matter.

Gracie shouldn’t matter.

But she did.

And that was a really big problem.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and stared at the screen hardly able to believe it.

I hadn’t heard from her in over a year.

It felt like some kind of sign.

I could really use some Chunky Monkey right about now.

Chunky Monkey.

I was going to be sick.

I walked around the side of the diner and leaned against the wall. My back collided with brick and I slid down to the ground.

Chunky Monkey.

Our code word that she needed me.

I griped the phone in my hand until hand ached.

My instinct was to call her. To run, head first, into whatever she was offering.

I’ve moved on.

She’s not a part of my life anymore.

My head rolled back and I stared up at the clear, night sky.

“Are you sure it’s okay that I stay here,” she asked, walking into my bedroom with an overnight bag in her hand.

My stomach clenched as I watched her unpack her things. Putting her toothbrush in my bathroom. Her pajamas in my dresser drawer. Her things looked as though they belonged all mixed up with mine. Like she belonged.

And she did.

I just wished she could see that.

But I was a patient guy. I would bide my time. And I knew that the day would come when she’d realize how much I loved her.

“Of course. You can stay as long as you want. Who knows how long Cole and Viv will be at it,” I laughed, hoping she’d never leave.

Gracie sank down on the couch beside me and picked up the extra X-Box controller. We were sitting so close together that I could smell her shampoo. Something fruity. It smelled good. Her leg was pressed up against mine and I waited for her to pull away like she always did.

But she didn’t.

“You’re going down, Abrams,” she teased, giving me her sexy half smile.

God, I loved this woman.

“Not if I take you down first,” I told her and she laughed.

It was my favorite sound in the world.

She had been my best friend.

Gracie knew things about me that I had never told anyone. That I would never tell anyone.

And losing that hurt just as much now as it had when she had pushed me away.

I missed her.

So goddamned much.

I missed my friend. The girl I had played video games with and teamed up with for karaoke. I missed how she always made sure there was a full pint of Chunky Monkey in my freezer when I got home from being on the road.

I missed just being able to pick up the phone to talk to her about stuff that didn’t really matter. Or watching Fresh Prince and singing along to that stupid rap during the opening credits.

And for just a second I could over look all the bad shit that came at the end.

Because when it came to Gracie Cook, I had always been a weak bastard.

So I texted her back.

Do I need to ride to your rescue?

My palms started to sweat again as I hit send and once the message went through I wished I could take it back.

What the hell was I doing?

Why had I responded?

Why the fuck was I opening that door again?

I had Sophie. I had a life that had nothing to do with Gracie.

But in that moment all I could think about was her and how much I wanted that connection that we used to have.

So I waited outside in the freezing cold, my ass growing numb as I sat on the hard ground, just to see if she’d text me back.

I waited an hour.

My phone remained silent.

She had left me hanging.

Again.

“Mmm,” I moaned, my eyes closed.

Mitch was between my thighs and I felt him press into me. I felt so full. I could feel him everywhere.

“I love you so much, Gracie,” he murmured, running his hand down the side of my leg. He pumped his hips and I rose up to meet his thrusts.

He hooked my leg around his waist, angling my body so he could bury himself deeper inside me.

“Harder,” I told him. I wanted him to be rough. I wanted him to take me in a way that left no doubts. I had to know he’d never let me go again.

“Look at me, baby. Please,” he begged. The waves of pleasure pulsed through me. I had never felt anything like it.

“Mitch,” I breathed, my fingers working overtime as my fantasy kicked into high gear.

I didn’t want to open my eyes. I knew that if I did¸ this would all be over so I ignored him. I wouldn’t listen.

I just wanted to keep loving him like this.

Mitch gripped my hips in his large hands as he slid in and out of me. I wanted this feeling that only he could give me.

How could I have possibly walked away from this?

I felt his lips on the side of my neck. I could smell him. I could taste him in my mouth.

And more importantly I could feel him inside of me. I wished he would stay there forever.

“I love you, Gracie. God, I love you so much.” He sounded as though he were crying. I wanted to look at him, but I didn’t dare.

It was on the tip of my tongue. I should say the words back. It’s what he wanted to hear.

Instead I focused on the pleasure. On the sex. On the way he caressed every inch of me.

“You hurt me, Gracie. I can’t forgive you for that.” The fantasy was getting all messed up. Real memories mixed with delusions.

“Oh god, Mitch!” I screamed just as I had an orgasm to end all orgasms.

“You broke my heart!” Mitch yelled just as I came apart.

“Wow! And you give me shit for touching myself in the living room? I have to bathe in here too, you know!”

My eyes popped open and quickly moved my hand from between my legs, which were dangled over the edge of the claw footed tub.

I sat up in the now cold water feeling overheated and very turned on.

Vivian was standing in the doorway, her hands on her hips, looking entirely too amused. “I—uh—must have dozed off.” I pulled the plug from the bath and stood up, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself.

“Yeah, that must have been some dream you were having,” she snickered.

I glared at my friend and shoed her away with my hand. “Can you give me a little privacy here, please?” I demanded, embarrassed as hell that she found me…well…pleasuring myself.