I remembered the shows I went to last year when Generation Rejects played to sold out venues with almost a thousand people in the audience.

I could see Jordan up on the small stage unrolling cords and connecting them to the amps. I tried not to search for him. I attempted to keep my eyes focused on Jordan but it didn’t work. It never worked.

Almost as if by compulsion my eyes zeroed in on Mitch Abrams. He stood off to the side, pulling a string from his well-worn bass. He’d had the instrument since he was a kid and first realized he loved to play. He had told me that his dad, who had once been a musician himself, had picked it out specifically for his son.

My stomach knotted up and I felt a little sick. My palms began to sweat and there was a distinct buzzing in my ears.

“I love you, Gracie. God, I love you so much. Don’t you get that?”

I had been so stupid. How could I have missed the signs he had so obviously been giving me?

How did I ever think it would only ever be just sex?

“I—”

My words cut off as though severed with a knife. I had nothing to say. No way to respond. I couldn’t give him the words back. No matter how much he wanted them. I loved Mitch. He was one of my best friends. But the type of love he was laying at my feet wasn’t the kind that came from friendship.

He wanted so much more than I would ever be able to give him…

He was so incredibly handsome in his boy next-door kind of way. I loved his dark hair and dark eyes and the slight stubble on his chin because he had obviously been too lazy to shave that morning.

His shoulders were broad, his hands large with fingers covered in callouses. I remembered how it felt when he touched me. How I had shivered as he palmed my—

Yeah, not going there.

“There’s my girl,” Jordan called out once he saw us. Mitch looked up, a lock of hair falling across his forehead. I tried not to stare as he reached up and brushed it away. Christ, I needed to get a grip. I wasn’t some lovesick schoolgirl. And my life didn’t hinge on whether Mitch Abrams acknowledged me or not.

I took a deep breath and pulled myself upright. No shrinking violet here, damn it.

Maysie and I walked towards Jordan. Towards Mitch. I kept my chin up and my back straight. A spine of steel.

Mitch watched me the entire time. It was obvious. And I totally pretended that I wasn’t watching him back. But it was hard when I could feel his gaze like I had once felt his hands. It pressed against my skin. Hard. Rough. But so, so gentle at the same time. He slowly ripped open a package of Twizzlers, his favorite, and put one in his mouth. Was he doing that on purpose? Drawing attention to his mouth. His lips. His tongue.

Ugh!

I was so busy trying to not stare at him that I almost stumbled. His eyes met mine and the heat of memories we could never take back branded the both of us. God I wanted him.

Even worse…I missed him.

Then I saw her. And he looked away.

Sophie.

She seemed to materialize out of nowhere and was at his side in an instant. They looked cute together. He was all dark and gorgeous and she was all sweet and perky. It made me want to gag.

See, he’s happy. He’s so much better off. No need to beat myself up anymore.

“I was getting ready to call out the cavalry,” Jordan teased, leaning down to kiss Maysie. She leaned up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. He lifted her up so that her feet were off the ground.

She giggled when he finally put her back down on her feet. He ran his fingers down the side of her cheek and gazed at her lovingly. Like she was everything. Which for Jordan Levitt, she was.

“You look beautiful, Mays. Like you finally caught up on sleep. Have the girls been treating you right?” he asked, smiling at me.

I pulled my eyes away from Mitch and his girlfriend and forced a laugh. “We’ve been making sure she eats all of her veggies and takes her vitamins. No worries, Jordan.”

Jordan chuckled and then leaned down to ruffle my hair in brotherly sort of way. “It’s good to see you, G. You’ve been away too long. We’ve missed having you around.”

My eyes flickered to Mitch again and found him still watching me. “Oh yeah?” I asked a little breathlessly. “It seems you guys have been fine without me.” Wow, I was all but spitting snark in his direction.

What was I doing?

Jordan glanced from me to Mitch, his brow furrowing. “Oh, yeah, well we’ve been getting along. But you know it’s always great to have the gang all together again.”

Sophie said something to Mitch and I watched as he leaned down to hear her. It was annoying the way she twirled her hair around her finger. Who the hell twirls their hair after the age of twelve?

And I hated her shirt. It looked like something my mother would pick out. It was all eyelet lace and pearled buttons. What in the world does Mitch see in her?

I realized I was staring. Mitch knew I was staring.

So of course he purposefully gave his girlfriend his attention, his body angled towards me but his head bent low so that his face was close to Sophie’s. He pushed the hair back off her forehead. His eyes were on her face and he gave her soft smile that I recognized only too well.

A smile that I had thought, at one time, was only for me.

Get over it, Gracie! It’s been a year! What did you think would happen? That he’d pine over you forever? Get a grip!

I started to turn away when Mitch looked back towards me, his eyes locking on mine.

I forgot how to breathe.

My heart thudded almost painfully in my chest.

My mouth went dry and my hands began to tremble. A need that I had almost forgotten about thrummed through my body. My belly tightened and my nipples hardened. The air hummed and sizzled. I was altered completely. Just by a look.

How had I never felt this electricity between us before? The answer was obvious.

I had been totally blind. I hadn’t wanted to see it. Because if I had acknowledged it, everything would have changed. And at that time I couldn’t handle that. The truth was I had been absolutely terrified.

Maysie squeezed my arm but I barely felt it. Jordan was still talking but I didn’t hear him.

All I could see was Mitch.

All Mitch could see was me.

We were locked in a stand off, neither of us moving.

All too soon he broke our intense staring contest. He bent down and kissed his girlfriend almost angrily. It was a harsh press of lips that seemed to take Sophie by surprise. She wrapped her arms around Mitch and held him tenderly even as he ground his mouth against hers.

I looked away. I could barely breathe around the lump sitting painfully in the middle of my chest. A pain that I knew to be jealousy.

And regret.

And the horrible realization that I had brought all of this on myself. Because I had been living in a complete delusion where I had convinced myself that I didn’t love Mitch Abrams.

A delusion that shattered the moment he had finally walked away from me. The moment that he started to love someone else.

“I’ve got to—I have to—” I couldn’t even finish my sentence. I just needed to get off that stage and far away from Mitch and his super adorable girlfriend.

I all but ran out the side door, letting it slam shut behind me.

“It’s fine. I want him to be happy. This is good. I hurt him so of course he’s moved on,” I whispered to myself.

Lies. All lies.

“What’s wrong, Gracie?”

I looked up to find Riley, Garrett, Vivian, and Cole approaching.

I furiously wiped at my face and realized I had been crying. I hadn’t even felt the tears. I probably looked a mess. My fingers were black from my mascara. I probably looked like some sort of zombie freak.