And I wouldn’t fight for something that was never mine to begin with. I cared about Mitch too much to ruin his current, healthy relationship just so I could find my happiness.

His happiness was more important. Damn, I had become selfless in my old age. Maturity felt a bit on the shitty side.

And love kind of sucked.

Vivian threw a pillow at me. “You’re such a goddamned martyr. I guarantee if I told Mitchiepoo how you really felt—”

“Don’t you dare!” I yelled, getting to my feet. She knew exactly how to push my buttons. And push them she did. Whenever possible. At really inopportune moments.

“Don’t you ever tell Mitch anything! I’ve put him through enough with all of my bullshit! If you ever say anything to him, Vivian, our friendship will be over! I swear it!”

Vivian’s eyes widened and she held her hands up. “Whoa, G, chill out.”

I took a deep breath and sat back down, a little embarrassed by my outburst. Vivian grabbed my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze, her eyes soft.

“You know I wouldn’t say anything. I just want you to be happy. I want him happy too. I love you both.”

“Mitch is happy, Viv,” I argued.

Vivian gave me a strange look. “Is he? Are you sure about that?”

I didn’t want to think about what she was insinuating. Hope had to take a backseat to realism. My heart couldn’t handle anything else.

Vivian was looking at me with her eagle eyes and I stared back at her blankly. Give her nothing!

After a few minutes Viv sighed, clearly annoyed that I wasn’t peppering her with a million questions. “Yeah, well anyway, the whole crew was there, except you of course, because you had that thing to go to,” she said sarcastically.

We both knew my thing had involved me, our couch, and a whole lot of girlie movies.

And we both knew I was simply avoiding an awkward situation. Even though they were all my friends and I knew they’d want me there, I felt oddly out of place. Now that I didn’t have Mitch at my side, I wasn’t so sure how I fit in.

I was the poor single gal hanging with all of her coupled up friends. I’d be the loser sitting on the couch playing Candy Crush on her phone while her buddies were gettin’ it on.

No thank you.

“Yeah, well you know how things go,” I replied, shrugging.

“You know, one day you’re going to have to talk to him. I hate that there’s this big giant ball of weird whenever the two of you are in the same room. It’s uncomfortable. And uncomfortable makes my skin itch. I don’t want itchy skin. So maybe you should do something about that,” Vivian suggested.

“God forbid you have itchy skin,” I deadpanned.

“Just talk to him. Get back to that annoying Mitch and Gracie place where we can all talk behind your back about how you need to bang as you look at each other wistfully while pretending you aren’t madly in love.”

Sometimes Vivian really overstepped the line. And sometimes she was so on the money it was scary.

But I’d never, in a million years, tell her that. Her ego was out of control as it was.

I shook my head. “He hates me. End of discussion.”

“He hates you like I hate my Rockin’ Rabbit vibrator,” Vivian chastised.

And everyone knew how much Vivian loved her Rockin’ Rabbit vibrator. They had a special thing going on.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I muttered.

Vivian put her phone down again and ignored it when it dinged. She must be about to say something profound if she was ignoring Cole’s dick pic.

“Gracie, I love you. I’ve seen you at your best and I’ve seen you at your worst. And I’d prefer to see either of those than this person you’ve been for the past year.”

I grimaced. “Thanks a lot. I thought I was kicking some ass,” I huffed, trying to make light of her very serious statement. But her words hurt. A lot.

“Do you define kicking ass as days consumed with working and bad TV while pining for a man that you love? Because I think you need to work on re-defining ass kicking.”

Like I said, Vivian could be so on the money. I wanted to hate her for it.

“I’m sober. I’m not bat-shit crazy. I think I’m doing pretty well.” I hated how small I sounded.

Vivian grabbed my hand. “Sweetheart, you’re my sista from another mista, I get you. More than you’d probably like me to. And I know you miss him. That doesn’t negate all the super awesome things you’ve done to get yourself on track. But Mitch is a huge part of your life. Even when he’s not in it.”

“He has a—”

“This isn’t about Sophie. This is about you and that hottie bassist that you used to spend every waking hour with. This about how you would watch that stupid show together and quote the dialogue.”

“Don’t hate on the Fresh Prince,” I warned.

Vivian rolled her eyes. “This about how he’d send you huge packages from the road full of stuff that made him think of you. And how you’d drag me to the grocery store with you before he was due to come home so you could make sure the cupboards were full of all his favorite food like those gross red candy things and that ice cream with monkey in the name. You two were closer than most couples and now you don’t even look at each other. It’s just sad, mi amiga.”

My chest felt tight and I tried to swallow around the large, annoying lump in my throat.

“He’s better off, Viv. Trust me.”

Vivian scowled at me. “If this is about your demons or whatever—”

“Drop it, Vivian. Please,” I interrupted her.

We stared at each other for a long few minutes, but finally she nodded and picked up her phone again.

“You’re making a big mistake by not trying to work things out with Mitch. You love him. You belong together. I know that if you don’t go for it you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Just sayin’. And that’s all I’m going to say about it. This time.”

Her threat was given with a smile, but I knew she wouldn’t let it drop.

My stomach clenched as her words bounced around in my head.

You’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.

I was already swimming in a sea of regret. And I was pretty sure I was going to drown.

“You’re back!” Vivian shrieked, throwing open the front door, letting it bounce off the wall. I watched her from the couch as she propelled herself at the person standing in the hallway.

“Viv, please, let me in before you maul me,” Maysie laughed, pushing her way into the apartment, pulling a suitcase in behind her.

I got to my feet and went to give one of my best friends a hug. “Hey you,” I grinned, wrapping my arms around her thin frame.

Maysie gave me a squeeze. “Hey back.”

Vivian frowned. “Why are you here? What’s wrong?” she demanded, her joy at seeing our friend erased by suspicion.

“Wow, thanks for the warm greeting,” Maysie muttered, sitting down on the couch. She looked tired. Her skin was pale and there were dark circles under eyes.

“You look like shit, Mays. What’s going on?” Vivian asked, sitting down beside her. I joined them and the three of us sat squished together like we had done a hundred times before. If Riley were here it would have felt like old times.

“Vivian, don’t be a dick,” I scolded.

“You are what you love,” Vivian giggled and I groaned.

Maysie laughed, but it sounded halfhearted. “Nothing’s going on. I just needed a break. Living on a bus with a bunch of guys takes a lot out of a girl. Sometimes I need a breather. Nothing to worry about, Viv, so stop freaking out.”

“Things with Jordan okay?” I asked her quietly.

Maysie smiled and it was genuine if a little on the exhausted side. “Yes. We’re fine. Don’t worry. I honestly just missed you guys and wanted to spend some time in a place that doesn’t smell like gym socks and aftershave.” We all laughed. “And things have been tense since the phone call with Pirate. I thought it would be best for the guys to have some time without the wife around.”