I should feel excited that Aiden Shepherd is waiting outside the bathroom for me. I should be obsessively fixing my hair and cleaning up the smudges of eyeliner on my face from crying.

But I don’t. I’m hollow inside, my heart a pile of ash in an empty cavity in my chest.

I press a paper towel to my palms, holding it there for a few seconds before tossing it in the trash and leaving the bathroom. Aiden is still waiting for me. He’s on his phone, smiling at whatever he’s typing. The door swings shut behind me and he looks up.

“Better?”

“I think so.” I hold my hands for him to see. “Not so bad, right?”

He puts his phone in his back pocket and I distantly wonder how it fits. Those jeans are tight. His fingers sweep over the back of my hand.

“Yep. Better.”

“So,” I start. “How did you hurt your ankle?”

He laughs and looks a little embarrassed. “I, uh, fell off the horse I was riding.”

“Oh. I’ve fallen plenty of times.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, but you’ve ridden more than me, so it’s not as bad.”

“Hey, everyone falls.” Then I’m hit with another wave of sadness. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m a walking disaster. “You just get back on.” My voice is small, and my eyes fall to the floor.

“Yeah, thanks. Hey,” he says quickly, and I look back into his eyes. “We should go riding together. You can give me pointers. I kind of suck, and I’m not used to being bad at anything.” He runs his hand through his hair again, laughing. The scar on the inside of his wrist is covered with makeup. “Maybe those pain meds are stronger than I thought. I shouldn’t have admitted that.”

“I…I can’t.” The air leaves my lungs and I’m spinning. Riding. Giving lessons. That was something I did before the accident and haven’t done since.

He raises an eyebrow. “You turn me down for drinks and now riding. You can just tell me you’re not a fan or something so I can stop trying.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. “No…it’…it’s not you. It’s, uh…”

“You’re really giving me the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ line right now?”

My fingers shake and the scars prickle. I try to take in a breath but fail. I falter on my heels. Total walking disaster. If Aiden were smart, he’d get the hell away from me.

“You don’t understand,” I say.

He takes my hand again, looking at the tiny scratches on my skin. “Then help me understand. You’re different, Haley, and I can’t decide if that’s a good or bad thing. You’re a curious thing, that I know for sure.”

I swallow, my throat suddenly thick and dry. “It’s complicated, and you really don’t want to be around me.”

He laces his fingers through mine. “That makes me want to even more.”

I pull my hand back, refusing to fall for his charm. It was easy to do. From his brooding eyes and charming smile, to his body so hot you could fry an egg on it, he could fool you into plummeting off the steepest cliff for him.

But he wouldn’t catch me. Not ever. He’s Aiden Shepherd. That’s what he does, who he is. And I have to be smarter than that. I promised to make a difference in this world, to right the wrongs and restore my own faith. Aiden is the last thing I need.

“You shouldn’t.” And now my eyes are filling with tears, and I’m angry with myself for being so weak, for crumbling so easily. It’s easy to fall apart when nothing is holding you together. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. A tear rolls down my cheek.

He steps closer and wipes it away. “What happened to you?” His eyes meet mine, and I can see the pleading, the desperation, and the fear.

“It’s not what happened, it’s what didn’t happen.”

“Tell me?” he asks, so quietly I almost don’t hear him. He puts one hand on my waist. His touch is warm and gentle. I want to move in, to bury myself in his embrace and just feel.

I take a step back. “Why do you care?”

The same confusion he showed when I turned him down for drinks is back. He shakes his head. “I don’t know. You’re different, Haley,” he says again. “It’s weird to be treated—”

“Like normal?” I interrupt.

“Yeah,” he says, not seeing how offensive that is.

“Because you’re not normal? You’re better than everyone just because you’re famous?”

“Well,” he starts, and the look on his face is all I need. He thinks it’s true, that he should be treated better, given a gold star by everyone, just because he’s an actor. “Wait,” he says when he sees the abhorrence in my eyes. “That came out wrong…even though I didn’t say anything. Listen, Haley.”

Someone walks toward us, and I turn to see Lori stop dead in her tracks. Her jaw drops and she looks from me to Aiden several times. Then she sees my tears and rushes over.

“Are you okay?” she asks, putting an arm around me. “What did you do to my friend?” She turns on Aiden. Lori can channel something dark and evil that makes her five-foot, four-inch frame terrifying. “Did you hurt her?”

God, I love my best friend.

“I…I didn’t,” Aiden says as he puts his hands up.

“It’s okay,” I say, tipping my head up. It’s not okay, not at all. I’m a bumbling mess and I haven’t told anyone about the flashbacks. “I got bored waiting for you so I came in. Aiden was here.”

“You got bored?” she says, knowing it’s bullshit.

“Yes. I’m fine,” I press. My eyes go back to Aiden of their own accord. “Aiden, this is my best friend, Lori. Lori, this is Aiden.”

He puts on his meet-and-greet smile. The charm melts away Lori’s anger. She shakes his hand and fumbles over her words, gushing about the season finale of Shadowland. I step back and let them talk. I need to get it together. Each day should be easier, not harder. I should be feeling better as time passes, healing little by little every day, but I’m not. I feel like each day passing rips into me more and more, killing what’s left of me. The visions are coming on stronger, and I know I am becoming more and more unhinged each time I get pulled into the past.

“Well,” Lori says. “I’m going to get the car. Take your time, Haley.” Her eyes widen with excitement, and she stands there for a few seconds before turning and leaving.

“This is kind of awkward,” Aiden blurts. He looks surprised at his own honesty. He could blame it on the pain meds. “Like I said, I’m not used to getting turned down.” He takes my hand again. Dammit. Stop touching me. No, not really. Keep doing it. “Go out with me, Haley, just once. Then you can decide if you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” I say, involuntarily moving closer. “But I don’t know you, and you don’t know me.”

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t want me to get to know you?”

I pull my hand back and rest it over the patch of scar tissue hidden under the cardigan. “Because I’m not the kind of girl you usually hang out with. You won’t want to get to know me.”

A coy smile pulls up his lips. “Now who’s being presumptuous? I’m taking you out, Haley Parker. And by the end of the night, you won’t want to leave.”

I can’t help but smile too. “You know, you’re kind of cocky.”

“Let’s leave my cock out of this until I buy you a drink.”

My smile widens and I shake my head in disbelief. “Fine.”

“What’s fine? The part about me taking you out, or the part about my cock after I—”

“Taking me out,” I say, blushing

He gives me his trademark smile. “What the hell is there to do for fun around here?”

Fun? What is fun? My mind actually comes up blank when I try to think about things I used to enjoy. I haven’t felt happiness in so long.

“It’s that bad, huh?”

I inhale. “I’m not a fun person,” I say, each word coming out forced. “Not anymore.”

He looks at me, pained, and takes my hand again as if he needs to feel my skin against his. “I don’t believe that. You look like you’re about to raise hell tonight.”

Oh right. The slutty dress. There will be no hell-raising for me. I don’t have it in me. What I want is my bed and a glass of wine. He licks his lips and closes the distance between us. His hips are just inches from mine. With the heels on, we’re nearly the same height—a curse of being a tall girl.