No one imagines they'll wear a white on the saddest day of their life.

Then there was a knock on the door.

“I said I'd be there!” I shouted.

“Lil. It's me,” Bobby's voice called from the other side.

I ran to the door so fast I almost tripped, whipping it open. My smile met a serious face, as if he were preparing for a funeral rather than a wedding.

I now saw Bobby through a new lens that I couldn’t remove. Even in this distressing moment, my mind took notes of how strikingly handsome he looked, dressed formally for the wedding.

He cleared his throat. “Wow. You look . . . beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

“Uh, Rory asked me to personally deliver this,” he said, handing me a small box.

“Oh.” I grabbed it out of his hands. “Come in.” I stepped aside as he stepped in just enough for me to close the door. He was trying so hard to be the good brother, I felt his restraint strangling him.

I opened the box. Inside was a small card. It read:

To my Lilly, the most beautiful flower in the meadow. I can't wait to meet you down the aisle.

It was sweet and heartfelt. Those were the things about Rory I loved. He adored me. And I thought that was enough. Inside the box was a necklace with a lily charm at its center. It was pretty, but I didn't want to put it on. It would be another step closer to never having Bobby again.

I looked up at Bobby as the necklace dangled from my fingers. He was leaning against the wall by the door, his arms and legs crossed as if he were trying to reign himself in. He was dressed in a grey morning suit, his normally tousled hair slicked back. He wouldn't look at me.

“Bobby, I can't do this,” I muttered, my eyes brimming with tears.

As if my words ripped off the shackles of his loyalty, he looked up at me and said soberly, “I don't want you to, Lil.”

I placed the necklace on the vanity and walked up to him. “What are we gonna do?”

Bobby scrunched his face. “This is all so messed up.” He riffled his fingers through his hair, ruining the style he had groomed for the wedding. “Listen. I couldn't stop thinking about it today. And you just left without saying anything. I thought you thought it was a mistake.”

“No . . . never. I just couldn't say goodbye.”

His eyes turned down as if he understood precisely what I meant. But then he looked back up with me, with the last bit of resolve he had left. “My grandparents each gave us rings. They're heirlooms. One on my mother's side, one my father's. They keep them here in a jewelry box. I grabbed the one that I was supposed to give to someone one day. I want you to have it.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused by the implications of this gesture.

“Let's go. Let's get out of here. We can take a car and drive as far as we can go until there's no gas and then we'll call. We'll tell them the truth,” he said frantically.

My heart soared and dipped over and over, realizing Bobby hadn't given up, but understanding that his words were that of desperation.

“They'd probably disown us. We don't have money on hand.”

“So what if they do? Lil, this is it. Once you go down that aisle, there is no coming back.”

He pulled the ring out of his pocket. Rimmed with a gorgeous silver filigree, a pale apricot circular stone sat nestled in the center, encircled by tiny white diamonds.

“I know, I know.” I shook my head. Everything was changing so fast and I just needed to breathe. I needed more time.

“If you don't want to . . . if you love Rory more than me, understand I want you to stay. I won't ever hold it against you.”

“No. I don't. Not even close.”

“I just want you to know that. If there is anyone other than me I would want you to be with, it's him. Okay? But if you don't. If you want to go. I'll leave it all behind. We can travel. I'll support us. I'll fix cars, construction, whatever.”

“I don't know,” I said. “This is crazy. I want to be with you, but I don't know if I can do this.”

Bobby slid the ring on my finger. “It's yours no matter what,” he promised.

“I love you, Bobby. I thought I could try to forget last night and go back to Rory. But, I can't.”

Bobby pulled me to him by my waist, pressing me against him, and kissed me so hard that if I wasn't being held, I'd topple over. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

“Don't go, Lil,” he pleaded, kissing my lips, my cheeks, my temple, as if this were the last time his lips might touch me.

I reached down to the waistband of his pants. He grabbed my wrists and looked over his shoulder. “What if —”

“I told them all to leave and not come back.” That was the truth, but secretly, I hoped someone would find us. That I wouldn't have to look Rory in the eyes and tell him. If there was a god, this would be the sign. Someone would find us and tell on us and we'd be shamed, but we'd be free.

He brushed my veil off my shoulders, cupped my face in his hands and dipped lower to kiss me, drawing on my lips with gentle bites. I stumbled back to the vanity, knocking over the jewels and makeup which rested on it as Bobby hoisted me onto its surface. We rushed. Me hiking up my slip, Bobby undoing his trousers. No matter what our fate, there wasn't much time left before we would run or stay.

Bobby locked his eyes on mine, something we were too shy to do the night before. Already things had grown between us. He pushed into me, as I grimaced in a mixture of pleasure and pain. I had only had sex twice before and I was still just as tight. I gripped the edges of the vanity as his shaft disappeared into me, and then I twined my arms around him as he did the same to me.

The vanity rocked violently, shaking the few items that remained on its surface, including the necklace Rory sent. I watched as it slowly hopped to the edge and slipped to the floor.

I bit down on my lip, trying not to cry out Bobby's name as he pistoned into me. Each time we had sex it got better, as I became a little more relaxed. The sensations this allowed me to feel forced me to break my stare with Bobby, so I could bury my face into his chest and bellow his name.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. We tried to pull ourselves apart, but it flung open as we frantically decoupled. It was Julia. Simultaneously my prayers had been answered and my nightmares became a reality.

Her eyes grew with shock, but in second her expression morphed into stone. If anything she seemed more exhausted than shocked.

“Jules . . . I'm sorry,” Bobby panted, pushing himself back into his pants.

She rolled her eyes, ignoring Bobby and making direct eye contact with me.

“Wait, let me just explain,” I said.

She shook her head disapprovingly. “Mom sent me to check on you and make sure you were okay. You need to get ready for the wedding. Both of you. I'll be waiting outside the door,” she said, closing it firmly.

Summer 1957

I wish I could say that those two weeks Bobby and I spent on the lake weren't everything I had hoped they might be. I wish I could tell you that we didn't take turns waking up before the other to make breakfast. That we didn't have a paint fight when I tried to touch up the living room walls. That we didn't clean his parent's bedroom and make it our own, pretending what it would be like to have a home together. That Bobby didn't fix up one of the old boats so we could anchor it in the middle of the lake to sunbathe and make love. That we didn't go for our midnight swims to cool off when it got too hot. That we didn't head back to Chicago to have dinner at Will and Sasha's place and stay up to the wee hours of the night talking about all kinds of things. Or that I didn't find a pair of Bobby's old overalls from when he was a teenager and wear them all week, barefoot, with my hair down and no makeup, feeling the most beautiful I had ever felt. That sweating alongside Bobby as we fixed up the lake house wasn't one of the most blissful experiences of my life. That on some nights we didn't just eat pie and beer for dinner and share stories about the years we had missed together.