Finally, I was ready, at least on the exterior. I took a deep breath and spun to face Bobby. Despite how I tried to cut off my emotions, once our eyes met, I was filled with a sadness so deep, that it would haunt me, like a ghost, for the next seven years.

Bobby's eyes, the color of autumn leaves, turned down.

“It's too late for us,” I implored breathlessly.

Bobby nodded in defeat. I didn't remind him that I loved him, neither did he with me. I couldn't stir up the emotions that were already threatening to spill over. I had to fortify myself for walking down the aisle. Bobby and I would see each other again, and we would have to learn to live with our unspoken truth.

I stepped outside the door which Julia was guarding like a knight.

“Let's go,” she said. “Where's Bobby?”

“Listen, I just want you to understand . . . what you just saw—”

“I didn't see anything,” she snapped.

Although Julia was my sister, she actually felt like something closer to a detached mother. I didn't understand exactly what her purpose was in turning a blind eye other than to give me a chance to move forward. That underneath this coldness, there was a sense of sisterly duty to protect me.

“Where's Bobby?” she asked.

“He's—in the room. We thought that we shouldn't come together,” I whispered though no one was in the cabin.

“Didn't Rory send him here?”

“Yes.”

Julia opened the door. Bobby was leaning against the window frame, staring out in contemplation. He startled when she spoke. “Come on, Bobby. We should all be there early.”

“Oh . . . okay,” he answered, as if he were in some sort of fog.

“Oh geez,” Julia reprimanded as he approached the door. “Wait a minute.”

Julia returned from the restroom with a wet towel. “You have makeup all over your shirt,” she scolded.

It was surreal, the entire hour before my wedding. Declarations of love. Plans to escape. Sex. Being caught by my sister. Her bizarre reaction. It felt like that narrow space between an odd dream and a nightmare.

The three of us walked in silence down towards the lake. My heart stirred. In the solitude of the silent march, I regretted not telling Bobby how I felt one last time. That I wasn't choosing Rory out of love, but out of fear and obligation. That I understood why he didn't fight more after my sister burst into the room. Because he had the same reasons. It was too late for us. Nineteen and barely twenty-one, and it was already too late.

Summer 1957

The stagnant heat. The ticking of the clock. No more overalls. Instead, a pale blue dress. My hair was twisted up instead of down in careless waves. My lips covered in a pale rose instead of their natural hue.

We were back.

Bobby and I had spent the morning gathering goods for the cookout the next day. Rory said he would be returning at one, but it was already past two and he hadn't arrived.

Bobby and I sat across the kitchen table from one another, untouched glasses of my 50/50 lemonade and iced tea mix, sitting in front of us. This was harder than I ever imagined it could be. Two weeks was not enough time, yet too long. Now I had to pretend I didn't know how sweet life could taste. I had to adjust my palate back to accepting the stale bite of the everyday.

“Lil, now that we're back here, I was thinking maybe I should stay somewhere else. Get a room at a motel or something. It just doesn't feel right.”

“No, I don't want you to leave.”

Having Bobby around would at least make things tolerable. Without his everyday presence, my routine would go back to the time before he rang that doorbell weeks ago.

“I can't live in my brother's house. Be his guest knowing what we did.”

Did. The word was finite. Was it really done? We hadn't laid ground rules, but we kept alluding to the fact that somehow those two magical weeks needed to stay at the lake house. That we just wanted to allow ourselves the freedom that we had deprived ourselves of just so we could tolerate the rest of our existence. But of course, we lied to ourselves because there was no going back after what we did. There wasn't seven years ago, and there wasn't at that moment.

“Bobby—”

Just then the front door creaked open and we both stiffened in our seats as Rory finally arrived. He had a smile on his face as he huffed and puffed, his face sticky with sweat.

“I'm home!” he shouted playfully. It was strange how much happier he was to come home now that Bobby was back.

I stood up and smiled, doing my best to mask the frustration I felt towards Bobby's desire to move.

“Welcome back,” I called to Rory through a forced smile.

Rory walked over to me and planted a salty kiss on my lips.

Bobby and Rory hugged.

“What have you been doing, Rory? You're sopping with sweat,” I asked.

His smiled grew as wide as his face could hold. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh?” I looked over at Bobby who shrugged.

“Come on!” Rory ordered us both to come outside.

The driver’s side door was open with the seat tilted forward. A large cardboard box was resting on the backseat just behind it. I scanned the writing to figure out what this was until I found my answer:

AIR CONDITIONING UNIT

My eyes widened. “An air conditioner?” I asked in disbelief. It was like asking a Quaker to murder, a monk to break his vow of silence. Rory had stood hard on this issue, and yet here he was, breaking his vow for me.

“Wow, thank you! What changed your mind?”

He wrapped his hand around my waist—it felt unnatural. “I just wanted to get you something. Can a man get his wife a gift?”

It was bizarre though. It wasn't just a gift. It was something we had bickered over and drew hard lines on. Suddenly, he was pretending as though it was never an issue.

“Now, the electric use on this thing is insane. So we should keep it on only if it gets above 85 and only when we get to bed.”

“I'll finally get some sleep.” Another lie to protect Rory. I now had new reasons for sleepless nights.

I looked over at Bobby, who had remained quiet, standing behind us as a spectator. “Awww, but you still have to sleep in the heat,” I added sympathetically.

Rory's face dropped when he realized he had forgotten his brother.

Bobby waved off the concern. “I don't mind the heat. And you guys don't worry about me. Really.”

The boys carried the AC into the house. I laughed to myself when I heard Rory cursing as he tinkered with installation.

“Yoohoo!” Barbie's voice called as she tapped the glass on the back door before letting herself in.

“Hi Barb.” She had been a great help with getting the cookout set up, spreading the word and contributing however she could. I'd called her almost daily and she was eager to help.

“Hey Lilly.” She stopped in her tracks. “Wow, you look good. Like really good.”

I shrugged. “I guess it was the fresh air.”

“Well, listen. I have some of those fold-out tables you need. They don't fit in the car. I was seeing if I could recruit Bobby for some assistance to get them over here.”

“Uh sure. I don't know where he is.” Bobby had gone absent since Rory returned. “He might be back with Rory putting in the new AC.”

“New AC?” she shouted.

I bunched up my shoulders. “Yeah, can you believe it?”

“No. I was convinced I'd find you two melted to death before that happened.”

I went to the bedroom. Rory didn't even notice me as he told the appliance to go to hell. Bobby wasn't with him. He wasn't anywhere in the house. Had he already left in search of a motel?