“Oh god . . . oh god . . .” he buried his face in his hands.

“She has children and you left her there to drown. I thought I knew you . . .”

“I panicked. I couldn't wake her up, and she was stuck. I didn't want to lose everything we have.”

“What do we have?” I asked. “There's nothing left. Nothing.”

“I was never good enough for you. Everything I do is just never enough, is it? Even now, I save her, I'm a jerk when you find out about us. I leave her because I want to save our marriage and it's still wrong.”

“You wanted to save your own ass.” I stabbed my finger in his direction.

I knew I didn't have a right to be angry about Barbie and Rory, at least without making myself a hypocrite. But the truth was, I was mad at myself, for delaying my happiness for something so false. Bobby was right. Rory needed to be freed too, but he didn't want freedom. He wanted everything—his doting wife and his mistress. He wanted the image of perfection while sneaking around. He wanted the perfect house and he wanted secret romps in the back of his car.

I had to find my way back to Bobby, to the security of his embrace. Never in my life did something feel more certain. Never had I felt more resolute that being with Bobby was the right decision. I didn't want everything. I just wanted Bobby.

I marched into the kitchen, hoping Rory would just let me take the keys when I got closer, but he pulled them back and out of my reach.

“Fine. I'll call someone to come get me.”

“No one is coming here. No one can know I'm home. I walked miles in the dark, through the woods, in pain, just so no one would see me. You're going to sneak me to my car so I can go to Illinois and have an alibi.”

“You are out of your mind,” I said, turning to the phone and closing my eyes, praying that Rory hadn't lost every bit of himself.

“Lilly. Stop,” he reached for my arm, and I tugged it away from him, but all it did was encourage him to grip me tighter. “Let go of me,” I shouted. I gripped the phone as he tried to wrangle it out of my hand. With all my strength, I pulled away as hard as I could. My feet went out from under me as soon as I stepped back into a puddle on the linoleum. As I fell I heard a loud thud. I wondered if the phone had ripped from the wall, or if something fell off the table in the struggle.

“Lilly? Lilly?” Rory crouched over me, his words echoing as if he was on the other end of a tunnel, getting further away. And then his face began to swirl into shades of beige.

Then darkness.

It took me a few painful seconds to recall where I was or the circumstances that lead to the throbbing knot pulsating on the side of my forehead. I wasn't on the wet kitchen floor anymore. I was on something warm and soft. I blinked my eyes over and over again, trying to focus on the blur around me.

“Oh thank god,” Rory stood up from the chair in the corner of our bedroom. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, but things had gone so far off course for us, that I shuddered as he stepped towards me. It wasn't fear, but mistrust. I didn't trust Rory to keep me safe. He was reckless. He was desperate.

“I'm so sorry, Lilly. I didn't mean it.”

Finally the images before my eyes sharpened. Rory was still dirty and sweaty. The blood had dried on his temple. His breath reeked even more strongly of alcohol. He had been drinking while he waited for me to wake.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“It's uh . . .” he glanced at the clock. “Four.”

Eight hours until Bobby left.

“In the morning?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god,” I said. “You should have taken me to the hospital.”

“Like this? No . . . I watched you all night. You were breathing. You were just knocked out. You woke up and then said you were tired and wanted to sleep.”

I didn't remember any of it.

I sat up and Rory propped some pillows behind me. “I need water.” I winced, massaging my temples.

“Okay, I'll be right back,” he said.

I thought about running out right at that instant. But I'd still have to get past Rory, and I was too dizzy to come to my feet without the room spinning. Rory was back quickly with a glass.

“Here.”

I took a long sip, my throat was parched. He hadn't turned on the AC and the bed underneath me was drenched with my sweat.

“Lilly, I didn't mean what happened.”

“You could have just let me leave. You just keep making things worse, Rory.”

“I'm just trying to fix this.”

I knew this was heading into one of our arguments that goes in a circle. I needed to find another way to deal with this newer, more intoxicated, more panicked Rory.

“You need a shower,” I suggested, hoping this would give me some time alone.

“I know. I didn't want to leave your side.”

“I'm okay now. I'm up.” I faked a smile. “Go shower.”

He looked at me suspiciously. “You can't leave, Lilly. Not until I figure this out.”

“I'm not your enemy, Rory. Why don't we just call Bobby and see if he can help?”

“Lilly, he left for California this morning, didn't he?”

This was not the ideal time to reveal my plan to run away with his brother. “Oh . . .” I grabbed my head. “Yeah. Sorry I forgot. My head.”

Rory's eyes softened with guilt. “Besides, I don't want to involve him in this mess.”

“I won't run, I promise. I couldn’t if I wanted to.”

“This will only be a minute.”

I nodded. Rory undressed in front of me, dumping his filthy, tattered, clothes on the floor and walked out of the bedroom to the bathroom.

I tried to come to my feet, it was worth a shot, but severe vertigo kicked in, knocking me back down on the bed. So, it was on to plan B.

The one benefit of Rory being drunk was he forgot about the phone on my nightstand. I reached for it and called the operator. My heart raced as I had her connect me to Bobby's motel. The phone rang and rang and rang. It was too early.

I gently hung up the phone as Rory returned to the bedroom.

“You look a lot better,” I replied. He was still covered in scrapes and bruises, but losing the mud and dried blood helped quite a bit.

“Yeah,” he grumbled. His eyes were heavy. I knew the booze and lack of sleep would hit him, I just hoped it would sooner than later.

“The sun's coming up,” he said lazily. “We should wait until it's dark again. Same plan. We'll say you were home alone for the past couple of days, cooped up, not feeling well. I was in Illinois.”

“Are you sure you don't want to call the cops?”

“Lilly, do you understand what would happen if I did? No. Absolutely not.”

I sighed. This battle would not be won with aggression. I had to get Rory thinking I was on his side. “Fine. We'll do it your way. Why don't we get some sleep?”

“No. I won't be able to sleep until this is fixed,” he said. “I'm making some coffee.” He headed for the bedroom door and then stopped. “Lilly, I'll make this up to you. I'm sorry about Barbie. And I know it will take a long time to forgive me. But this, when we get through this, I am really done. I know I screwed up.”

“When did it start?” I asked. It didn't make what I did right, but if I knew he was with Barbie for a good while, then my marriage was lost before I ever thought of abandoning it.

“Does it matter?” he asked.

“It does.”

He leaned against the door frame. “Two months ago.”

My head throbbed harder as if the pain was responding to his admission. “How?”

“You went to see your sister and Stan was out of town at the same time. She invited me over for a meal. And . . . do we have to go through this?”

“No. That's enough,” I declared. The odd thing was, I wasn't shocked about Rory. It was the natural evolution of our demise. But Barbie, she insisted on being my friend, and it made no sense. Did she stay close to me to be closer to Bobby? Was it because she felt guilty? I couldn't ask her, she was too busy fighting for her life as the man who drove her into a river planned to skirt the blame.