Stupid me. I look directly at his pants.

Fuckity fuck, fuck! He looks rock hard.

We catch our breath, and suddenly feeling shy, I struggle to look into his eyes, avoiding them till it’s impossible. Everything I see there is filled with forbidden feelings. Lust, sex, desire…and maybe traces of something deeper. The silence deepens and neither of us says a word for what feels like minutes.

“See, it was just a kiss,” he insists, adjusting his pants.

“Yep, just a kiss. A kiss that will never happen again.”

“Never ever happen again. And that was the point I was trying to prove.”

I turn to face him, and with curiosity, I ask, “You had a point to prove?”

“Yes,” he quietly chokes. “The awkward part is over. No more curiosity. So now we can be normal…be friends.”

What planet is he on? Not the same horny planet I’m on, that’s for sure.

“Okay, so we can be friends,” I say, unsure.

“Great.” He claps his hands, surprising me. “So what are you up to this weekend?”

Really? We both just had the most intense kiss ever, and now this is what we are discussing? It’s such a bizarre reaction.

“Just shopping for last-minute stuff for the baby and that’s about it. You?”

“Before I forget, my mom wants to meet you. Well, she’s been begging to meet you since I told her, but I think now’s the time.”

“Okay…”

“David wants me in L.A. next month to manage the office while the senior editor is having an operation, so I’ll be gone for three weeks.”

“David? Oh! Mr. Sadler, right.”

“Then, I’ll be spending a week in Vegas for my bachelor party,” he adds.

Whoa, rewind. Again, he gives me the most intense kiss only to tell me he’s going to party all week and probably get laid by a stripper? My blood rises and that unusual bout of jealousy is consuming me. I stare at my feet, trying to control these fucked-up feelings. Don’t say anything…just keep it to yourself.

“Strippers? Weren’t you the one who told me about fucking them or something?”

He smiles softly and raises his hand to stroke my cheek. “I would never do that to you.”

My eyes dart to his, and he is seemingly unaware of the words he just spoke.

“Don’t you mean Eloise?”

His grin disappears and suddenly he looks agitated. “Yes, I meant Eloise.”

Silence falls between us, and when no more words are left to be said, I realize my feelings need a massive reality check.

A fucking astronomical reality check.

“So, I better be going. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

Standing up, he heads towards the door and I follow. He turns to look at me one more time, but this time his eyes are heavily fixated on my lips. With my chest pounding hard, I pray my face isn’t flushed, showing how aroused I am and how much I want him to stay.

Bad, bad kitty!

“So I guess it’s goodbye…” he speaks barely above a breath, unable to pull his focus away from my lips.

Biting the corner of my mouth, I struggle to keep my hands by my side, itching to reach out and caress his face one more time. Finally, I return his smile, and just like that, he turns away and walks to the elevator. Urgently, I call the name my heart can no longer hold in.

“Haden?”

He turns back around, standing still in his perfect pose as my body aches for his beauty. His posture stands tall, showing off his masculine presence. His eyes are bewitching, and behind his frames, his beautiful, light brown eyes are capturing me, not wanting me to let go. But I have to…because he doesn’t belong to me.

“You’re going to make a great dad.”

His beautiful face beams instantly. “Thank you. It’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

Walking away, I shut the door and run for my room. Lying on my bed, I raise my fingertips and run them along my sensitive lips as I close my eyes. Every sensation, every feeling of what happened only minutes ago is engrained in my memory. It’s all too much and my heart can’t take it, terrified of the one thing I promised myself I would never do.

I am falling in love with the Jerk.

The night Haden left my apartment, things changed in my head. I couldn’t get over the kiss we shared, and while his intention was to get it over and done with and pass that awkward tension between us, it had the exact opposite effect on me.

I could not stop thinking about him.

I could not stop thinking about that kiss.

As much as I tried to talk myself into thinking it was the pregnancy, deep down it was gnawing at me. You know, that moment when you look at someone in a different light and all of a sudden you think to yourself, ‘Holy shit, but that person’s been in front of me all along.’ It reminded me of my teenage years, watching Dawson’s Creek. Nobody had a crush on Pacey, then all of a sudden Dawson became an afterthought and Pacey was the guy that everyone crushed on.

Geez, you know you have loose marbles in your head when you’re comparing your adult life to Dawson’s Creek.

As the weeks went on, we seemed to get along better, never mentioning what happened between us. He was busy wrapping up parts of Fallen Baby before heading over to L.A., and I was busy trying to get  as much done as I possibly could and hand over any ongoing projects to Dee.

I had to admit, we got along much better since she started dating this sugar daddy. Not to mention, she was totally covered in bling.

True to form, I made a list of all the things I needed for the baby. After researching baby sites and emailing Lex’s wife Charlie back and forth, I had a pretty good idea of everything I needed. She was extremely helpful, nice, and went out of her way to send me some stuff she hadn’t used. Just extra bits and pieces still new in their packaging. We talked long and hard about the need to attend Lamaze classes. Given that I was trying to limit my contact outside of work with Haden, I settled for a small intimate class for mothers without partners. It was refreshing to be surrounded by women in the same situation, even though the majority of them had chosen to be inseminated by an anonymous sperm donor.

The day Haden is scheduled to fly out to L.A., I have officially hit thirty-one weeks. Now I am really a beached whale, uncomfortable everywhere, and the worst part is…I still have nine weeks to go.

“Don’t go having that baby while I’m gone.” He chuckles.

“I’ll stay away from the spicy food,” I joke.

“And sex,” he adds with sarcasm.

“Ha, ha…fat chance of that happening,” I mock. “So Gemma tells me you guys are going to some surfing gig on the weekend?”

“Yes. I can’t wait. The best in the world will be there.”

“Well, give them a hug for me.”

“The surfers?” he teases.

I punch his arm, enjoying the relaxed conversation between us.

“No! Gemma and Melissa!”

He continues to smile, shutting down his computer and packing his things. He will be gone for three weeks, and I hate to admit that I’ll miss him. Yes, we get along much better. Yes, I have tried very hard to curb any feelings I have towards him. I am certain that once the baby comes, I will feel differently about him. Certain that everything that is consuming me now is because of the hormones. Take hormones out of the equation, and all he will be in my eyes is my child’s father.

“Have a safe trip,” I say with a genuine smile.

“I’ll text you once I’m there. Just take care of my baby, okay?”

“Our baby,” I correct him.

His face breaks out into a wide smile before he walks to the elevator and disappears.