With trepidation he asks, “Can I come in?”

I open the door and notice the apartment is quiet. With only the hall lamp turned on, I assume Vicky is with Masen in my room. I motion for Jason to follow me and he does until we reach the bedroom door. When I open the door, I almost fall back into Jason’s body at the sight of Haden sitting on my bed, shirtless and holding Masen.

“I…uh…where is Vicky?”

“Nice to see you, Presley. Vicky had an emergency, and since Masen is my son, I thought I would stay over and spend some time with him.” His voice is dripping with sarcasm, and behind his frames, his eyes are fueled with fire and rage.

“Okay…Jason, this is Haden, Masen’s dad,” I say, preparing myself for the biggest shit-storm to rock this universe.

“Nice to meet you.” Jason nods.

Haden is trying to hide his anger, but his outburst is imminent. “So is there a reason why you went out and abandoned our son?”

Bingo. Typical Jerk saying his jerk-like things instead of communicating in a mature and adult way. Another reminder of why Jason is a better fit for me than Haden could ever be.

“What? I’m going to walk Jason out.”

I turn around and grab Jason’s hand on purpose. Outside in the hall, he shakes his head.

“A young jerk.”

“Jason…”

“You want a real man, Pres? You know where to find me. And I’m serious about what I’m offering.”

“I know, Jason. It’s just…I love him.”

I said it. The words that have taunted me for the longest time. It’s both a relief and a burden to finally say it out loud. My lip begins to tremble as Jason glances at me with a sympathetic smile. He wraps me in his arms for a final goodbye, and my body comfortably rests against his as I struggle to hold back the tears. This new, emotional Presley is getting on my nerves. I have never cried so much in my life as I have in the past year.

Cupping my face in his hands, he wipes the tears away with the tip of his thumb. “I’m always here, Pres. Even as a friend. No, I don’t want just that, but we’ve got too much history to let go of everything we had, including our friendship. You know where I am…I’m always here.”

And that’s the thing about Jason. Once he steps into your life, there is no turning back. He may not be the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, or the man my heart so desperately beats for, but he will forever be a friend I could count on. And good friends like him are hard to come by.

With Jason gone, I have no choice but to face the music, and with every step back towards my room, my anger intensifies. I walk in and Masen is sound asleep in his cot. Haden is still sitting on my bed, half dressed. He is fidgeting with his cell and the second he senses I’m in the room, his eyes lock into mine and glower back at me. With his lips pursed and his nostrils flaring, he throws his cell to the side, crossing his arms as he waits for me to talk.

“Get some clothes on,” I grit.

“Tell me why you went out with him!”

“None of your business! Now will you just go?!”

Why didn’t Vicky warn me that he was here? My cell is inside my purse. I pull it out and see that the screen is covered in a dozen messages, all from Vicky. I don’t have time to read them now and I storm off into my closet to take my shoes off. He is in there so fast, blocking the entrance by resting his body against the archway.

“Did he touch you?”

“I don’t have to answer that…”

“DID HE TOUCH YOU?” Haden yells, slamming his fist against the architrave.

I swiftly turn around. “Yes. Yes he did. Get off your jealousy horse because I don’t belong to you! You’re full of shit, Haden. You don’t care about me or else you wouldn’t be marrying Eloise!”

“And everything I said meant nothing to you? I told you no one was to touch you but me.” He follows with a sinister laugh, shaking his head as he continues to block the exit. His body is exposed and it becomes an unnecessary distraction.

Kitty is not helping me out, gawking at his perfectly-toned physique with a jumbo-sized popcorn in hand.

From the corner of my eye I can see his knuckles are stark white from clenching his fist so tight. I have never seen him this enraged, and it scares me a little. But then I remember my conversation with Eloise yesterday and I quickly change back to infuriated and bitter Presley.

“See Malone, all along this is what I was afraid of. You’re running back to the love of your life…”

“I didn’t run, Haden. I was standing still. Waiting for you. You are the one that broke me!”

“You want to know why I proposed to Eloise?”

“Enlighten me, Haden.” I stand here, arms crossed, waiting for his pathetic excuse.

“Because I never felt good enough for you! I was never the man you wanted in your life. Eloise wanted me…but to you, I was nothing, and you went out of your way to constantly remind me of that. So, I’ll tell you what. You want to move to California with Jason? Then fucking do it! We were never going to work anyway.”

He moves away from the closet and back into the other room, grabbing his shirt. There are no slamming doors. No more sounds.

He is gone.

And I pushed him.

Or, maybe, he pushed himself.

It doesn’t matter because his words cut deep, and just like he said, we are never going to work anyway.

I grab my cell and make the call.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“What’s wrong? Isn’t it like midnight there?”

“Yes. I’ve decided to move to California. Is it still okay if I stay with you guys?”

“Of course,” Gemma says in a worried tone. “Pres, what happened? You sound…weird.”

She’s my sister. She knows me well. Nothing ever gets past Gemma. She’s seen me at my worst. I begin to sob into the phone, making no sense with my words.

“I can’t be around him anymore, Gem. It’s just too hard. I love him.”

“I know,” she soothes. “But he is Masen’s dad. He’s always going to be around. And you’re just figuring out now that you love him?”

“No, Gemma. I knew all long. I just kept denying the truth. He can still see Masen. I know a lot of parents that meet at a shopping center and someone else does the handover.”

“Is that what you really want?”

I know I’m not thinking straight. I’m hurt. And when you’re hurt, rational decisions are hard to make. Instead you follow the broken path, praying that it will lead to some magical rainbow with unicorns galloping around it and baskets of cupcakes and chocolate.

“Yes. I’ll book the flights.”

My mind is made up. This time next week, I will be in California.

It’s funny how in life, we gravitate towards people that embody the phrase, ‘You only live once.’ Like when you’re watching some documentary on a reporter that travels the world to show you exotic places, or a well-known chef exploring different cuisines and opening up your mind to things you had only dreamt about. Curled up on the couch, I would always watch with such enjoyment, wishing that I had the guts, to just let loose and live life as if there were no tomorrow.

I thought I had lived a colorful life, having traveled to a few places outside the country, yet in reality, I played it safe. I love to be adventurous but always with caution. Yeah, so I’m that annoying person who will ask the attendant on any rollercoaster the stats on the seatbelts and when the ride was last checked for malfunctions. In the end, I always enjoy myself, wondering why I just don’t let loose and do these kind of things more often.

Years ago I created a bucket list. It grew and grew because there was always something preventing me from doing anything on that list. Looking back on it now, I’m partially to blame. I gave excuse after excuse and before I knew it, time had passed by at lightning speed.