Haven shouldn’t be feeling bad. She had made a really good point. “But you were right. It might not happen straight away, but if Luke and I can’t get along then we’ll drift apart. I can’t lose either of you.” I wished we were having this conversation face to face. I needed a hug.

“So you’re giving up on something happening between you and Luke because you’re afraid it won’t work and you’ll fall out and lose both of us?” That was exactly what I was afraid of, but I wasn’t giving up on Luke.

“The way I see it is that he can’t possibly have the feelings for me that I have for him. I mean, you know how I’ve felt about him my whole life. Now suddenly he’s single for the first time in forever and he wants me? I just think if he can turn it on that quickly, he can turn it off just as fast.” My stomach flipped at the thought that I may have lost him already. “It would kill me, properly break my heart, if I let myself think we could be something and then later down the line he decided he wanted someone else. And on top of a broken heart, I’d lose my family. I mean, what would I have left?” My stomach churned at the thought of losing Haven and Luke. I guessed I could start again in Hong Kong if that happened. I’d need to get away. “And if we stayed together, I couldn’t go through my whole life knowing that I feel more for him than he does for me. That would turn me inside out eventually.”

“I get it. I do. But, you know, sometimes it’s worth the risk. Is it worth losing him to some girl at the office because you didn’t want to take a chance?”

“I think if he can get serious about someone else then he and I were never going to work in the first place. I’d rather know that now.” It would be painful, but less so. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“You’re one of the smartest girls I know. I just worry that you and Luke could be good together. I don’t want you to miss out on happiness. I want that for you. Is it just time you need?”

I didn’t want to miss out either. And I wondered every second about whether I was doing the right thing. “I need time, but Luke does too. I need him to have space to think about his other options.”

“Speaking of other options, is it weird that I’ve been researching this Fiona person?” she asked. “I mean, I understand you’re not ready to be with him yet, but at some point I’m hoping you will be.” Haven began to speak more quickly. “I’m rooting for you, and I don’t want any triathlon queen fucking it up.”

I couldn’t have loved Haven more than I did in that moment.

“Now, I’m not technically getting involved, you understand. I’m just acting like the BFF, which of course, I am.”

“Of course,” I confirmed.

“I’ve not asked Luke about her.”

I had to swallow the disappointment that surfaced in my throat, although I understood she was trying to stay impartial. “But I have asked Jake. Because, you know, I’m married to him.” I could hear the grin in her voice. “Apparently Luke’s never mentioned her before.”

“Right,” I said, trying to keep my delight from seeping into my voice.

“But that’s good. If he was into her, he’d have said something to Jake.”

I wasn’t convinced. There were a million reasons Luke wouldn’t confess his urge to get naked with a coworker to Jake. One, Jake was married to his sister. Luke wasn’t known for his fast decision-making in his personal life, which was a huge part of the reason I’d struggled with the way his feelings for me had switched so suddenly. He might not have decided if he liked Fiona yet.

“She’s pretty.”

“I knew you’d be stalking her. You think she’s Fiona Pritchard? She’s not that pretty.” Haven knew exactly what to say.

“She is pretty. But I need to stop obsessing. Like I said, if he wants her then it was never going to work out between us. I asked him to live his life. This is what I wanted, and this is what he needs.” My head and my heart were in a constant battle and my head was barely winning—staving off the short-term pain for what I hoped would be a long-lasting future together.

“Do you have a time period in mind for him to live his life? A week, a month, a year?” Haven seemed impatient.

I didn’t have an answer for her. I needed to be able to trust Luke’s feelings for me, and part of me wondered if that would ever be possible. I’d loved him my entire life. Perhaps I was asking something from him that he could never provide.

Maybe we were already over.

Ashleigh

It was starting to rain, but I still couldn’t bring myself to hit the buzzer to get inside. Luke had dropped me a text during the week with his address, telling me to arrive at his new place for Sunday dinner at six. I was nervous to see him again, particularly as the last time we’d been alone, I’d told him I missed him and he’d rightly called me a head fuck.

The housewarming gift I’d decided on seemed to grow heavier with every second I carried it. Thinking of the right gift for Luke had kept me busy for the entire week. I wasn’t sure if I should go practical or meaningful. I’d decided on the latter and purchased a magnolia tree for his balcony. I’d mentioned to Richard when I’d seen him on Friday that I was buying a tree and he, very graciously, had given me a ride and then hauled it up my three-story walk-up. I hadn’t realized until now how heavy it was.

For me the present was symbolic, but I wasn’t going to admit that to Luke. I wondered if he’d notice what it was, understand the symbolism. The tree itself was small, just a couple of feet high. The problem with my thoughtful gift was that it wasn’t in bloom and wouldn’t be until the spring. So I was basically turning up with a bunch of sticks poking out of some soil, and attached to them a label of how it would hopefully look. A promise of an almost impossible transformation, and a symbol of my favorite childhood memories. Memories of summers spent under a magnolia tree where I’d fallen in love with Luke.

As I was procrastinating, a young couple let themselves into the building and held the door for me.

I’m going in.

I declined their offer of help and they peeled off around the corner as I headed to the lifts. I quickly found the right flat number and dumped the pot where the welcome mat should be. I examined my hands—dirty and red from the indentation of the rim. I slid one palm over another, smoothing off the loose clumps of soil. The door opened. Luke stood over me, one eyebrow raised in a question.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I . . .” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the phone. It was ten after six. I wasn’t early. I mentally ran through the days of the week. It was definitely Sunday. I tucked my hair behind my ears, trying to displace the heat in my cheeks. Had I misunderstood? “You invited me.”

“I mean, why are you standing outside my door? Why didn’t you knock or buzz downstairs?”

I exhaled in relief. “Oh, I came in with some other people, and I was about to ring you.” I gestured to the tree. “Your gift.”

He grinned and stepped back to examine it. “Thanks.”

“I thought it might brighten up your balcony.”

“Great. Thanks.” He bent and scooped up the pot as if it were groceries. I followed him as he turned and headed into the flat. His muscles tightened then loosened under his T-shirt. I stared at his back and tried to focus on something else, but kept ending up focused on his ass. Shit, I was five seconds into my visit and I’d lost control already.

Luke

I’d heard rustling at the front door and when I’d gone to investigate, I’d found Ashleigh bent over a plant pot. She seemed jumpy. I knew I was. Last week she’d told me she missed me. It had messed with my head and fucked me off. It felt like a game where she played Estella to my Pip. Training cleared my head. I’d run every day this week. The burning in my muscles helped dissipate my near-permanent hard-on I had when I thought of her. It dissolved the conspiracy theories I’d created about how Ashleigh had morphed from my best friend and lover into some sociopathic vixen. Her being so close soothed me—she was still my best friend and the woman I wanted to be here as my date.