Jake was my rock. I didn’t want to imagine my world without him.

I let out another agitated shriek into my pillow.

I could always hope love wasn’t just some stupid myth created by losers and saps. Maybe it was something real. Or maybe I’d been right all along, and love was only a fleeting, temporary thing.

Did I really want to take that chance?

I tossed the pillow aside and sat up, my fingers itching to do something productive to center myself. My brain was going in circles; I needed some clear direction. I spotted my sketchbook — the one with my Chicago poster ideas — and retrieved it from its place on the floor. After a few minutes of studying my scribbles, I cleared off space at my desk and set to work.

There was no sense dwelling on what had happened between Jake and me. I could worry about it later.

****

The doorbell startled me a few hours later, and, if not for my quick reflexes, I would’ve drawn a charcoal line clear across my sketch of Ally’s face.

“I’ll get it!” I shouted as I raced down the steps. I didn’t know where my mom was, but there was no need to disturb her.

I was surprised I hadn’t heard Brady’s engine before the doorbell rang. Bianca said he’d messed up his muffler or something, and I should be able to hear him coming from more than a block away. I was about to ask if he’d finally gotten it fixed when I flung open the door, but I found Jake standing on the doorstep instead. He was dressed in tattered jeans and a black motorcycle jacket, and the collar of the brown plaid flannel I gave him for Christmas was peeking out from the top of it. My knees almost buckled at the sight of him, and I shivered, though not because of the gust of cold air that blew past me. I had to grip the door handle to steady myself.

“You’re not Bianca,” I said with a smile.

He patted himself down and examined himself. “Nope. Not Bianca.”

“Talia, honey, who is it?” My mom materialized from the study that was her home office. “Jake! So good to see you again.” She turned to me and frowned. “Where are your manners? Don’t leave him out there in the cold. Come on in, Jake.”

He rocked on his heels for a couple of seconds before he said, “Yeah, okay,” and stepped carefully over the threshold.

“Can I get you something?” Mom asked, always the gracious hostess. She glanced at me. “Talia, at least offer to take his coat.”

Jake took a step back and pulled his jacket tighter. “No, it’s okay. I can’t stay long.”

Mom looked back and forth between us before she nodded once and said, “Well, I’ll be in my office if you kids need anything.”

“Thanks,” I said as she disappeared around the corner.

Jake handed me a small parcel. “Molly from the art store came by and asked me to bring this to you.”

“Oh, thanks.” It felt like a journal. I held it to my chest like a shield but stepped closer to him.

“Are you okay?” he said. “I didn’t—”

I held up a hand to stop him. “No, it was totally me. I was hyper-emotional, and I shouldn’t have….” I left the thought dangling in the air. I couldn’t bring myself to complete it, partially because I wasn’t sure which was worse, kissing him or running away.

“Oh.” His expression was unreadable as he pushed some damp curls out of his face. “Okay.”

A little voice inside me started to panic. He’s pulling away, you idiot. Do something!

“No.” I took another step toward him. “I mean, I guess I kind of freaked out, and I—”

“It’s okay,” he said, grinning. He opened his arms. “We’re good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, and my shoulders relaxed as he wrapped his arms around me, but I jumped back as I felt his phone buzz in his pocket. “Shoot,” he said after a quick glance at it. “I have to go.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Huh? Yeah.” He ran a hand through his hair and shoved it back into his coat pocket. “It’s from Clover. I need to run home and get some stuff before I meet up with her.”

I blinked, surprised. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but I definitely didn’t think he’d be going out with Clover. I ignored my lungs collapsing in my chest and forced a bright smile. “Tell her I said ‘hi,’” I said, my voice coming out in an uncharacteristic squeak.

“Will do.” He hesitated before he leaned over to kiss my cheek. “I’ll text you later,” he said as he hurried out the door.

Either time sped up or I was moving really slowly; I couldn’t tell. But before I could lock the door, I heard something that sounded like a building collapsing in on itself, and it was getting closer. I opened the door and stood on the doorstep, careful to stay under the overhang to avoid the drizzle. About a minute later, Brady’s black classic Mustang pulled into the driveway. Bianca climbed out of the front passenger seat and dashed toward me.

“He’s got to get that fixed,” I said as we watched Brady back out of the driveway. “Does he even know what’s wrong with it?”

She shook her head. “You’re asking the wrong girl. He and Tim and my dad all get together and start talking cars, and my head’s ready to just—” She put her hands by her head and made little explosions with her fingers. “Anyway, he promised he’ll take it to Freddie’s tomorrow, so I guess we’ll be carpooling with Tim until that’s fixed.”

We stepped into the house, and she hung up her jacket on the coat rack before we headed up to my room.

Bianca kicked off her shoes and flopped onto my bed. “Did I see Jake’s car at the end of the block?”

“What? Oh, yeah.” I tossed her the parcel he’d handed me earlier. “One of the ladies from Blue Period asked him to give that to me.”

She tore off the paper to reveal a black leather-bound journal. “Ooh, this is pretty.”

“Hmm? Yeah, I guess.”

“All right.” She set the book down beside her and studied me with narrowed eyes. “What’s going on?”

I shook my head and tried to wave away her question, but she was persistent.

“Either you’re going to tell me what happened while he was here, or I’m going to call Jake and ask him myself.”

That got my attention. “You wouldn’t,” I said, but when she reached for her phone, I added, “And anyway, he’s going out with Clover tonight.”

“Aww, and you’re jealous,” she said, practically cooing as though it was the cutest thing in the world.

“Hardly,” I said, “so don’t get too excited.”

“Oh, come on.” She pulled her knees to her chest. “You’re used to having Jake around all the time, and now he’s with another girl. Of course you’re jealous.”

I started to respond, but everything that came to mind would’ve only served to prove her point. I needed to change the subject.

“So what did I miss at school? Are Ally and Hunter all lovey-dovey and gross?”

Bianca laughed. “They’re cute together. Ally’s wigging out because I guess he hasn’t kissed her again since last week, but it’s not like they’ve been alone together a whole lot, either, you know? Oh, and I’m sure you saw it on the portal, but Jorgensen announced a quiz for Wednesday.”

“I haven’t even looked at my homework,” I said, frowning. “I guess that’s what I’ll be doing all day tomorrow.”

“And after Jake took such careful notes for you, too.” Her mouth curved into a smug smirk. “You know, Finn reminded him that you could get all the notes and stuff on the portal, but he did it anyway.”

“Well, yeah. I wasn’t there to take notes for him. What’s your point?”

“No point,” she said. “Just an observation.”

I knew what she was trying to do. She was reminding me of what a great guy Jake was. And as a friend, I wholly agreed. But how great could a guy be if he’d made plans with another girl after the way he’d kissed me the night before?

My instincts to run had been solid, after all. I just wished it didn’t hurt to be right.

Chapter Twenty-Five