I’m not sure how long we’re in this embrace, but soon he has to leave and I watch him open the driver door as he gets in. He closes the door and I step back, watching him reverse out of the driveway. He stops and looks at me one last time. Neither of us says anything, so he puts his head down and continues to reverse his car out of the driveway. I watch him leave and wave before his car disappears. My phone vibrates and I reach into my shorts to get it.

Ty: No matter what, I’m going to love you forever. There’s no one else and I hope you know that. You are my home and the one place I want to forever be. I’ll do what you want, but you will not push me away. I promise I’ll be back.

Me: <3

Ty: That kiss meant the world to me and I’ll cherish it forever.

Me: Have a safe flight. I’ll see you soon

That’s all I’m able to text back before rushing back into my house, back to my room and crying tears I’ve been holding in. It hurts watching him drive away and it hurts knowing he won’t move on. I don’t know what I need to do, but something is going to happen and I will make Tyler move on. I know I won’t ever be okay. I go back to my room, locking myself inside, and cry myself to sleep.

I open the door and see Tyler coming out of his car. He has a smile on his face and I’m so excited to see him. Before I make it off my porch, I see a beautiful girl with long brown hair and a perfect body. She touches Tyler’s cheek and I see him laughing. Who the hell is this girl and why is she touching Tyler?

I’m frozen.

Soon, Tyler makes his way over to me. I look and see the girl smiling and waving. I lift my hand and wave, but I don’t smile.

“Hey Bay!” he says, and gives me a quick hug. “Come meet Angie. She’s my girlfriend.”

Sweat surrounds my body. I’m submerged in my own tears and I have to catch my breath. I look around and realize it was a bad dream and it’s still Sunday. Time didn’t speed and Tyler just left. I’m okay. I grab my phone and scroll through my pictures until I find one of me and Tyler taken a few days ago. He’s holding me from behind and I’m taking the picture of us. We’re both smiling and I’m staring into his deep blue eyes. I can get lost in them. Looking into his eyes is like looking at the ocean. There’s freedom and spirit. Each crash shows his vulnerable side and the currents remind me of his strength. His eyes always seem to know how to make me feel better and it’s because of his love that I push myself to be okay.

My phone vibrates and it’s a text from Mandy.

Mandy: Hey! So I’m going to be back soon! I’m telling you we need a girl’s trip to CABO SAN LUCAS BABY! I’m meeting the HOTTEST guys with the HOTTEST bodies. Seriously, I think I became pregnant like ten times. Legit girl, you’re coming next time! I seriously cannot wait to see you. .I miss you girl! How are you?

Me: Hardly breathing . . . Ty left today and I had to say goodbye . . . He kissed me though

Mandy: Say what? Are you two back together?

Me: No =( We said I love you though and we’ve been spending time together. So there’s that . . . I hate that I’m stringing him along . . .

Mandy: Oh friend . . . You know he would go anywhere for you . . . No worries . . . I know it’s hard to see, but you two are going to get back together <3

Me: One can hope . . .

Mandy: So listen, when I come home you and me are gonna spend a lot of time together! Be ready okay?

Me: Sure =)

Mandy: I miss you Bayleigh and I know everything will be okay

Me: Yeah . . .

Right now, I need her more than ever.

I get to California without any issues and check into the hotel I’ll be staying in during my time here. Taking the elevator to the sixth floor, I look at my phone and see a message from Bayleigh.

Bay: Hope you had a good flight and you’ve landed. Text me when you can

Me: I’m here and I’m okay . . . About to check in and let my team know I’m here. How are you doing?

Bay: Okay I guess . . . My mom is taking me to the spa today to relax so I’m waiting for her to get ready

Me: That sounds like fun. Have a good time with your mom and we’ll talk tonight

Bay: K =)

Me: =)

My heart physically hurts from her messages. She’s trying to have a good time, I know this, well I hope she is, and with being so far away, I don’t know if she’ll be okay. Who’ll be there for her when the nightmares come back?

The ding to the elevator alerts me to the fact that I have reached my floor and I exit, walking down the quiet hall to my room. Sliding in the card, I hear the door unlock. Walking in, I look around and decide to shower. Stripping out of my clothes, I get in and let the water relax my muscles. The plane ride was a little bumpy, but the drinks from the attendant helped. After four Titos and club soda, I relaxed and closed my eyes, thinking about her and that smile I love.

Seeing her face in my head causes my dick to go from half-mast to instantly hard. I stroke him, pretending she’s with me, pretending I hear her soft moans. I’m fighting like hell to hold on and enjoy this moment. I slow down and imagine her taking off her clothes, one piece at a time, her eyes burning with desire, waiting for me to slide my dick into her waiting pussy. Fuck. I grip my shaft harder and stroke faster. I can feel the tingling in my balls and know I’m almost there. I groan loudly as I lose control and watch my cum explode out across the tile wall and then wash away from the spray of the water. I lean my head against the shower wall.

She is holding all the cards when it comes to our future. I won’t allow her to push me away. Nothing she does will stop me from taking back what’s mine. With her, everything makes sense. With her, I come apart and all my doubts and insecurities cease to matter because she makes me a better man. And I meant what I said about sex not being a big thing. Of course I miss being deep inside her, hearing her scream my name and feeling her desire, but I can let that go if it means having her back. I want her, all of her, and that’ll never change. She knows I can play dirty and I will if I have to.

Needing sleep, I get under the covers of my bed and feel the coolness of the sheets on my naked body. Grabbing a pillow, I hug it to my body, pretending it’s Bayleigh. Shit, I’m a fucking pussy. But I don’t care. This who I am and how I feel.

Tossing and turning for the next hour I finally get up, put on clothes and walk to the built-in bar in my room. I love being in Newport Beach. When I’m here, it feels like home. Walking outside on the balcony, facing the ocean, I lean against the railing and listen to the waves crashing against the shore, soothing my nerves and helping me stay calm. Being near the water helps me put things in perspective and gives me a chance to really think.

I’m alone in my room and I like it that way, just not right now. I want to pick up the phone and call Bayleigh. I want to listen to her talk about her day or listen to the music she’s listening to. But I’m giving her space. I don’t want to smother her and make her feel like I’m hovering.

It’s only been a few hours since I got here and already I’m raging with anger and feeling broken. After leaving her in the driveway and looking at her while I drove away, I had to stop myself from pulling over. This is the time she needs and I need to give it to her.

There’s a knock on my door. I finish my drink and walk back inside. Opening the door, I see Chad holding a bottle of whiskey.

“Welcome back man,” he says coming inside.