Helping her get to her room, I open Ryan’s bedroom door and go inside. “There’s nothing they can do?” He turns my way and shakes his head.

“Nothing. I’m dying and it’s something I have to accept.”

“So you’re giving up?” This causes him to stand up and get in my face.

“I tried everything. I had the best fucking team and there’s nothing that can be done. Terminal, Tyler. Fucking terminal means no fucking cure. Nothing. There’s this fucking thing in my brain, pushing down and causing me to be sick. Do you think I want this? Huh?” He screams and turns away from me, punching the wall and collapsing on the floor. “I wanted to live, man. I wanted to come back and be the good guy for once.”

It’s been three days since I talked to Ryan and Tyler. I’m keeping busy and putting my energy into work. I bring home my laptop over the weekend and review Damon’s reports and come in early on Monday. I look at the calendar, and notice the original date of Tyler’s return. The big circle I drew with his name and a heart taunts me. Even though I want to see both guys, I know I can’t. It’s hard for me to put in perspective how I feel. I want to see a psychic so they can tell me which path to take. I need a sign or something to tell me what I need to do.

With Ryan, I’m alive and I can breathe. He doesn’t treat me like an assignment and pushes me to face my fears. While Tyler looks at me like a broken project that he has to fix or else I’ll always be incomplete. But the difference between Tyler and Ryan is one brother was there for me during my darkest time and the other ran away because the guilt ate him alive. The answer seems clear, yet it’s not. My heart beats for both of them.

Resting my head on my desk, I groan and close my eyes, taking me away from where I am to a different place. No words can explain what’s going on inside of me. Maybe if I run away and not be with either brother, I’ll be okay.

Then who’ll be happy?

Who wins?

“Come on Bay, get your shit together,” I mutter and lift my head up to work on the reports again. I work to keep busy so my mind doesn’t go to the place I refuse to go.

An hour later, my office door opens and in walks Damon. “Real talk,” he says, sitting down in front of me. I don’t want to look at him so I keep working. “Bayleigh eyes here now,” his deep voice scares me so I listen. “Okay good you’re with me. What’s going on with you?”

“Whatever do you mean, Damon?”

“Don’t play cute with me. You’re working a shit load of hours. And don’t lie to me. I know everything. You’re here early as hell and stay until late. You worked over the weekend and I have no idea why.”

“Because I want to work.”

“No.”

“Yes,” I glare at him. How dare he try to figure me out? “Damon with all due respect, who do you think you are?”

“Ahh, my little spitfire is back. Lay it on me, babe, what’s going on?”

“Ugh,” I groan, “I’m in love with two guys and both are perfect in their own way.”

“Go on.”

I tell him about the Scott boys and he listens to every word, hanging on, nodding when appropriate and handing me a tissue when I need it. Talking about the rape is hard, but I do it and make it through. Bringing up how I treated Tyler turns into me ugly crying and blowing my noise every minute. Then I bring up Ryan and how he’s been with me. By the time I’m done, my makeup is ruined and my eyes are swollen and red.

“Johnny Depp said if you love two people at the same time, choose the second, because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”

“I’ve heard that quote and I disagree. We can love more than once because there are two types of love. There’s the forever kind and the always kind.”

He kinks a brow, “You lost me. Forever and always is the same.”

“No,” I shake my head, “a forever love is when you spend your life with that one person through thick and thin, and when you’re old and gray you look at your forever love and say we’ve lived a good life. Your always love is a love you keep in your heart. You keep them close because they’ve changed your life in one way or another. That’s the difference.”

“Still confused.”

“Ultimately forever is stronger than always. Forever is a bond you can’t break. Life will throw every obstacle your way and you make it through, even when the odds are against you. When you think about forever, you think about happily ever after and how you’ll experience the good and bad.”

“So you won’t experience that with an always love?”

“You do,” I explain, “but in a different way. The always type love is strong but it doesn’t take away from forever. Always means continuous, and is measured in time. Forever means eternally and there’s no ending.”

Damon looks at me with curious eyes. He leans back and rests his ankle on his knee. We stare at one another and it hits me.

“By the look on your face, I think you answered your own question. You love both guys, and that’s normal, but you can’t shake the life you’ve made with Tyler. Even though you love Ryan, there’s something special with Tyler or else you would have broken it off completely and you wouldn’t be in this position.”

“But I think about Ryan all the time and I am in love with him. It’s all I can think about. He’s where I go when I don’t know how to handle everything. But Damon, he’s dying, so is my love out of guilt?”

“That’s tough. I think you know who you love and want to be with, only you don’t want to hurt anyone. You have to admit to yourself what you want and who you want. With Ryan dying, that complicates things. I think you should spend as much time as possible with him and explain why you need to do this to Tyler.”

“Thanks Damon,” I quietly tell him. “I’m sorry I made you worry.”

“I get it,” he says, “truly I do.”

I want to bring up Mandy and I feel like he’s giving me an opening to. “So, what’s up with you and my best friend?”

“Complicated,” he tells me, “she’s this amazing woman. Someone like I’ve never met before. My ex fiancé hurt me pretty bad. Relationships are scary.”

“I agree. Have you talked to her?”

He shrugs and shakes his head. “I want to. I want to be honest with her. I know she’s falling for me and it scares the living shit out of me. She deserves more than I can give her, but I’m too selfish to let her go.”

“Talk to her. She’ll understand. Mandy’s stronger than you think and she really likes you. I think she loves you.”

“She does?” I nod and see the relief and hope in his eyes.

Sitting on the swing on my porch, I watch the house next door. No one’s been over to say anything to me and I can’t bring myself to go over and see what they’re doing. I check my phone and see there have been no calls or messages. I’m not sure how either of them are doing or if they’re talking. After the bombshell, I walked away and locked myself in the room. I finally have both of them back and now I’m going to lose Ryan and maybe Tyler.

The look in his eyes when he was screaming at me, I don’t know, I don’t think I can erase that image. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster, going up and down and upside down. There’s an end in sight and the ride will soon stop, only I’m not sure who is going to be next to me in the end.

How do I explain any of this to Tyler? I told him I need space and when he comes back, I’ll see where I’m at. It’s always been about me and never him. I understand his feelings and I wish he’d come and talk to me.

“Bayleigh Renee.” I look up and see Ryan coming up the steps. Our eyes don’t leave the other and we’re in a trance, one I’m not fighting and neither is he. Holding out his hand, I take it and stand before him.