“So?” I asked. “What else did you do? Were there orgies?”

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“What was it like?”

“I only did it a couple of times. I didn’t like it so much.”

“How come?”

He shrugged. “I guess because…I felt guilty.”

“What for?”

“Because I was fuckin’ four, five, six chicks in one night, and none of them were you. I wanted to like it. I wanted to be fuckin’ nose-deep in sluts and drown out the memory of the kiss that branded me as yours for all time. But it didn’t work. No amount of fucked-up fuckin’ could make me forget you.”

“Oh,” I said. “Are you uncomfortable talking about this with me?”

“No. It just makes me uncomfortable, period.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t like myself very much back then. I didn’t like where I was headed. I’ll tell you anythin’ you wanna know, Kenna. Always. I ain’t afraid of you knowin’ that shit anymore. But it doesn’t mean I like what I did.”

“I understand. I’m just curious, is all.”

“I know.”

“So, how did the drug-induced orgies turn to you and Devon going out and finding women instead?”

“Because he felt the same way I did. It was too much, too over-the-top. I wanted to be more in control of myself, my surroundings, but I wanted that excitement. He got it, and so we did what we did. But in the end, I always felt the same—gross, filthy, and like I wasn’t supposed to be doin’ it at all.”

“What was it about these situations that drew you into it in the first place?”

“Well…I guess the whole idea of group sex was kind of cool. You think it’d be awesome, havin’ tons of females crawlin’ all over you. We all did it. Jason, Sheri, X, Flipper… in the beginnin’, we all joined in. But it really wasn’t what we wanted in the long run.”

“Why do you think you like being whipped?” I asked, simply too curious, feeling the open vibe between us. “It’s not something you did back then, right?”

“Because bein’ able to surrender to you, you havin’ that sort of power over me, it’s fuckin’ liberatin’. It’s the only way I can describe how it feels. I like that pain. It reminds me that, with you, I’m just…me.”

“You don’t think it has anything to do with what you went through as a kid?”

“What do you mean?”

“With your mom.”

Phil’s gaze blurred as he stared at something through me. “Huh. Is that what you think?”

“I’ve wondered about it, yes.”

He closed his eyes for a few beats. When he opened them, I was solid once more.

“I don’t think so. It’s…it’s all about you. I like it because it’s you doin’ it to me. After everythin’—the guilt, the feelin’ of betrayin’ you, all of that sort of shit—it’s like havin’ a physical sense of how I felt on the inside. I don’t think it has anythin’ to do with her.”

“Okay. I was just wondering. I mean, I didn’t want to bring up painful memories—”

“Naw, Baby Girl. I worked through all that shit a long time ago. For years, my dad made me see a shrink because of it. It doesn’t bother me.”

It bothers me. How could anyone take a helpless little boy, a tiny little Phil, and hurt him like she did? The little boy who had given me his Ernie doll, who had waited and waited for his little box of sunshine to come back and visit her grandma.

“My mother…she wasn’t in her right mind. There was somethin’ really wrong with her. She was just a lost soul, hurtin’ for somethin’ that no one could figure out. And the depression she felt after givin’ birth to me…it just got worse over time.”

With his long arms, he stretched forward and pulled me into his chest, between his legs. “My dad raised me and Danielle with more than enough love, Kenna. Our mother…as sad as it sounds, she wasn’t capable of givin’ that to us. But Dad was, and he did.”

“You aren’t worried that our children could suffer something like that?” It popped out, and I knew there was no taking that back.

Beneath my cheek, his chest froze. “Are you thinkin’ of havin’ my fat little giant babies?”

Rolling my eyes, I sat up, straddling his waist. “Stay focused here—”

He grabbed my ass and pushed his groin into me. “I’m fuckin’ focused. Focused on knockin’ you up and—”

“Quit it!”

He sighed. “Margot was a drunk. Alcohol made her the monster she was. I hardly fuckin’ drink for that reason alone.”

“From what I’ve seen, you’re not a nasty drunk.”

“Not all the time, no. But I can be. I have been. So, I don’t usually do it.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Now…fat little giant babies—”

“Seriously, Phil!”

“Oh, I’m really fuckin’ serious, Kenna. The second you mention givin’ me kids, I’m dead fuckin’ serious.”

“It’s not happening anytime soon, babe.”

“Aw, come on…don’t be like that.” He moped, rocking me back and forth over his thickening groin. “I want you all pregnant, filled up with me…” he said softly. Gently, he laid a hand low over my belly. “I fuckin’ dream about it.”

“I know you do. And it’ll happen one day. Just not today—or anytime in the very near future. There are things I want to experience first. With you.”

Pushing me back until I was flat, he pulled off my pants and tossed them over his shoulder, and then he did the same with my panties. Swiveling, Phil shimmied out of his shorts and sat with his back against the back of the couch. Pulling me back up, he settled me over his lap, facing him. Positioning the head of himself, he pulled me down as he thrust up, swiftly filling me. Intense, his spot within me roared awake.

“Please, Kenna…” he whispered. “It’s all I want.” He punched his hips again, battering his spot, demanding it take notice of his presence.

“I know.” I gasped, grinding down on him. “And we will…”

He moaned, his lips bruising mine, his tongue plunging in time with his hips. We devoured each other, straining into the other without finesse. Just raw, primal need. He tore my shirt over my head and attacked my breasts with his hot, wet mouth. Sweet tingles shot from my nipples to my crotch. I had no control over my own body. It took over, riding him harder and faster.

“Oh, fuck, Baby…” he moaned, his hands moving to my hips, urging me on.

Our bodies slapped together, slicked with sweat.

Beneath us, the couch groaned in distress.

“Harder, Kenna! Fuck!” he snarled, punching his hips. “Fuck me, woman!”

Retreating to the tip of him, I slammed back down until he rammed my cervix with a sting of pain. Again. Again. Again.

“Ah, shit!” he cried. “Fuck, Baby! It’s too fuckin’ good! Fuckin’ come for me!”

Arching back, I released the couch and latched on to his thighs, taking him deeper.

“Fuck!” he screamed. “Now!”

The world shattered, shimmering as the fragments sprinkled all around me.

Phil bowed backward off the couch. “Kenna!”

Jerking with supreme violence, his cock shot thick and scalding inside. Everything with him was trying to impregnate me. I had to admit, a small part of me yearned for it as well. But it was a small part, which told me that I was in no way ready to give him what he was asking for.

“Phil…” I panted, collapsing onto his chest.

His arms went around me, cradling me to his heart. “I know, Baby.”

“I promise.”

“I know,” he gasped, trying to catch his breath.

“It’s just not the right time.”

“It’s all right, Kenna Baby. When it is…you’ll let me know.”

Pushing myself back so that I could look into his eyes, I smiled. “I know it’s pretty traditional, but…I think I’d like for us to be married first.”

His smile was radiant. “Yeah, I think I’d like that, too.”

“So, we can hold off on the baby talk for a while longer?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Good. Because it stresses me out.”

He sighed in defeat. “Yeah.”