I need to pause as my eyes filled with tears making the words blurry. This letter never got old. I got up to get a Kleenex box off the kitchen counter, and I blew my nose and wiped my eyes. It always evoked the same feeling of loss, making me remember that my sense of comfort and family, my magic carpet that was pulled from under me, would never be replaced. I fell back down on the couch and continued to read.

My last days were difficult and I am glad to have relief. To finally be in a place that’s peaceful with no pain or worries. I know you are a strong girl and that you will be just fine without me by your side. Even though I believe that I have gone to a universe parallel to yours.

I have to tell you something important. I’ve been trying to tell you since you were about thirteen years old, but I could never find the right time and life was good. I didn’t want anything to change.

The only reason I’m telling you now is because of my illness, we all need to know our genetics, just in case life surprises us one day as it did with me. I never planned on leaving so early, I thought I had time, then the pain took over, and I couldn’t find the words through the pain. I’m hoping that you will find it in your heart to forgive me one day, Bella.

Our family Tony, Joseph, you and me. We were happy and I didn’t want anything to change. Even writing the words are difficult for me, and I would rather write another hundred words about what an amazing daughter you are and how grateful I am that you helped me and stood by me to the end. I know it wasn’t easy to watch me suffer.

Okay here it is. Tony Molino is not your biological father. I said it. Now please let me explain. Take a deep breath, sweetheart, because no matter what, he’s been your father in every sense of the word since you were six months old. When I married Tony, I adopted Joe. His mother abandoned him when he was only six months old and Tony struggled to raise him and take care of him. That is how Tony and I connected, we were both single parents trying to do the best for our children and we ended up falling in love and creating a family.

Now that’s out of the way, let me tell you about your biological father. I met him when I was eighteen years old. I drove my parents crazy to let me get a job singing and dancing on a Caribbean cruise ship and they let me go for a summer. I had the time of my life putting on shows, lounging on the Caribbean beaches. For a girl that never left Thunder Bay, it was like another world.

Your dad was a tourist on the ship. Young and handsome, he was only twenty years old. Just about the age you are now. He was very handsome. Tall, strong and very rich. He was definitely out of my league. He was prim and proper and nothing like me, the poor small town girl. His father owned Tyson Global and he was the heir to an empire.

But regardless of our differences, it was love at first sight and we spent a whole week together on the boat. When the trip ended, he begged me to come back to New York with him, but I was dedicated to going back to my parents in Thunder Bay. I didn’t think I would fit in to that lifestyle. I liked our quiet small town where everyone new everyone’s business, I didn’t see the point in getting lost in such a big city.

He tried to contact me many times after, but I never returned his calls. When at the end of the summer I went back to Thunder Bay, I realized I was pregnant. You can imagine how your Nana and Nono reacted. A nice Italian girl is not supposed to get pregnant out of wedlock, and in Thunder Bay it was kind of hard to hide my bump. By the time I was eight and a half months pregnant, I decided I had enough and got on a plane to New York to find Bryce.

I arrived in Manhattan and was about to call him up. I stopped at a diner to eat something. I was tired and exhausted from the flight and the pregnancy. There was a copy of the New York Times on the table and I opened it up to the society page. There was a huge picture of Bryce with a Lydia Vander Heusen. It was an announcement for their engagement. It said that Lydia’s family owned Hi-Tech Industries and the companies were going to merge together.

I realized that I couldn’t exactly show up to Bryce’s door barefoot and pregnant. So I got into a cab with the intention of heading back to Thunder Bay. When I got in the cab, my water broke. The cabbie drove me to Metropolitan Hospital where I gave birth to you, baby girl. I had never seen anything so perfect in my life.

I was stranded in New York with a newborn baby and a hospital bill. I didn’t have a choice, so I called Bryce, only it was his mother that picked up the phone. She said he was too busy to talk to me. She came to the hospital, paid the bill, and set me up in a hotel for a month with a live-in nurse to help me care for you. I waited for Bryce to show up, but he never did. His mom also offered me money to disappear, but I rejected her money.

Of course you did Mom.

When you were a month old, I took you back to Thunder Bay and began working at the diner during the day while Nana took care of you. As upset as they were with me, they fell in love with you right away. It was kind of hard not to. You had jet-black hair, green eyes and a perfect little button nose.

Now when I look back on it, I think Bryce’s mother never told him the truth. I think she was worried about the deal going through. But I think it’s where you get your brains. Your dad is a really smart guy.

Anyway, I met Tony at the diner when he came in with Joe for lunch one day, and we dated for a few months then got married and we lived a good life together.

I couldn’t have asked for a better family or a better daughter or son. Tony is a good man and always took care of us, so don’t give up on him.

Your father is Bryce Andrews of Tyson Global, you can find him in New York City if you choose too.

I love you, baby girl, you’ll always be in my heart and me in yours.

Love you forever,

Mom

All of my emotions bombarded me again and I felt sick, lost in a pool of despair. My stomach began to grumble, and I cursed Luc again, he was supposed to be my dinner date. I enjoyed eating with him. I enjoyed his company. The leftover sushi in the fridge was all raw fish and I hate raw fish.

I didn’t want to order pizza, I hadn’t been able to eat pizza since we made it with Mama, just after she found out she was sick. I quickly Googled take out options in Manhattan. After a thorough takeout search on my iPhone, I realized that sushi, Thai food, or Mediterranean food would be too expensive to deliver, and I was stuck with the more economical option of ordering pizza. I was so hungry that it felt like a hollow hole was forming in my stomach. I tried to convince myself that I could handle eating pizza. I could probably live off of one pizza for a few days and it would be economical. After a ten minute internal struggle, I picked up the phone in the apartment and dialed the local pizza store.

“Yes, what can I get for you, Miss?” A young Italian guy asked.

“A large cheese pizza. Do you deliver?” I asked, my heart clenched when his voice reminded me of Joe, my brother, the only family I had left. We may not be blood related but he was my older brother in every way that counted. I couldn’t believe he took off the way he did. The thought of my brother caused my deep hole of sorrow to dig a little deeper.

“Yes, ma’am. Thirty minutes or it’s free,” the young guy chuckled. “Can I get your address, ma’am?”