My balls tingle, the edge is near, one more pump of my hips, it’s all it’ll take. It’s so close, then it’s not. A small, soft voice drifts into my subconscious, pulling me from my sexually infused state. “Dad! Come on, it’s time to wake up.”

Any desire still left in me shrivels and I open my eyes, waking to the angelic face of my sweet daughter.

“Can we get breakfast at the diner on the way to school?” She beams, eyes filled with hope.

“Sure, baby girl. Give me a minute to shower and get ready, okay?” I ask, staring into little hazel orbs resembling my own.

“Okay!” She jumps in excitement as she turns away, but I halt her in her step, reaching out for her arm while keeping the sheets completely covering me. “Be out in a minute,” I say, placing a kiss on the top of her head. She skips out to the living room and I make sure I lock the door as she leaves.

Shredding my boxers, I step under the hot spray of the shower. The moment alone sends me spiraling back into thoughts of Lindsey and the day that we met a week ago. Between work, Charlotte, and everything else, she’s still managed to appear in my mind. On the walk back to Lindsey’s building, we fell into a pattern like a couple in sync. She made me laugh, I appreciated the humor. I made her smile, my heart cheered. Conversation flowed easily for the short few minutes in her company. It was barely enough time to work her out but what I did learn, everything I saw and heard, made me want to make the smile on her face a permanent fixture. It was unreasonable to want such a thing without even understanding why. I racked my brain the whole way home trying to figure it out. What is it about her that makes her stand out from the rest? She’s smart and different, unique in her own way, and despite her trying to hide it, heat lit a fire inside her eyes every time I touched her. I saw it. We both felt it. She’s still as much of a mystery to me now as the day I saved her from flying bullets, but she let her guard down for a minute too long, and it was enough to let me get a peek at what might be underneath.

My dick now stands to attention with Lindsey’s sexy body hijacking every damn thought. Water trickles down my stomach and my hand slides easily down the front of me until I wrap a hand around my shaft. Fisting my length, a drop of pre-cum leaks out and I swirl the liquid over the head. It’s sticky between my fingers. Bracing my other hand on the wall, I pump a few times before dropping my head and closing my eyes, hoping my brain committed my earlier dream to memory so I can relive it. What I wouldn’t do to get a taste of the real thing. I pull harder, faster, imagining Lindsey’s luscious lips all over my cock. Another vicious tug, desire pools in my balls, my cock hardens in my hand and I’m blowing my load all over the shower wall. I grunt. I can’t think, can’t see. The pleasure blinds me as I soak up the best fucking feeling as I shoot out the last of my release. Finally, the pressure that’d been building from thinking about the woman ever present in my mind dissipates. I grab the soap and scrub clean before turning off the taps to get ready for the day. And I do so with Lindsey still in my goddamn head.

She fiddles with the keys in her hand before lifting her gaze to meet mine. “Well this night sure turned out different from what I expected but, uh, strangely enough, it’s been nice. Goodnight, Mason.”

She turns around, walking up concrete steps to the door of her building. I have to cement my feet to the fucking ground to stop myself from moving toward her. I want to kiss her, hold her, and unfold all of her secrets.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. You’ve got my number now, anything happens with you or your sister, make sure you use it. I’ll be seeing you soon.” I call out confidently.

She doesn’t turn back to acknowledge me though, she turns her head to the side, looking out into the distance and replies, “If you’re lucky, you won’t.”

I stand speechless, brows knitted in confusion as she walks inside and shuts the door. My mind jumbles with questions, confusion, what the hell was that supposed to mean? I wait for her to get in and lock up, and while I’m still standing here racking my brain for a logical explanation behind her cryptic response, a light catches the corner of my eye a few stories up.  Her hair flashes past the window and her face comes into view. Her skin perfect, smile perfect, everything fucking beautiful illuminated by the moonlight shining on her.

A cell phone lights up in her hand and she puts it to her ear. A familiar ringtone sounds from my back pocket, so I pull out my cell and answer.

Lindsey’s silvery voice resonates in my ear. “Locked up, Detective. Now go home.” She looks down at me, a gleam sparkling in her eye, a playful grin on her lips. Her features as fierce as her personality, my heart smacks against my rib cage with that look. Slipping my phone back, I hale a cab and head home to spend another night alone in my bed.

It was such a strange thing how one encounter, one person, could affect my entire mindset within hours of meeting her. I never thought of my bed as being empty before, nor did I find myself lonely in it, because I was never lonely, not really. I had a daughter, who during the night sometimes ended up curled in beside me, or me squished into her small bed with her.

It was crazy. After one evening in the company of a woman I enjoyed being around for no other reason than her personality, she pulled at something in me. She forced me to recognize how closed off I’d become without even knowing she was doing it. She had me yearning for something. I just didn’t know what the fuck it was.

I tighten the tie around my neck and tuck my shirt into my pants hanging on my hips just as Charlotte yells out.

“Come on, Dad, we’re gonna be late.”

***

The shrilling sounds of phones ringing hit my ears first, sending sharp jabs of pain to my already aching skull, thanks to the lack of sleep last night. After the first nightmare, I stayed awake, but when I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer, I fell into sleep which somehow became pleasant. It was a nice change. I stare into the mug of black coffee in my hands as if it holds all the answers, but it doesn’t. It’s dark and it burns, just like my dreams. I drown the reasons for the night terror last night with a sip of caffeine. Last night’s was one of the worst.

I couldn’t wash away her face. I couldn’t take away her pain. I tried to save them all, but I couldn’t. We were too late. When my eyes close, I see hers, the fear in them tearing me apart. Her tears fell in waterfalls as the gun pressed into her temple. Her arms and feet were cut from the chain tying them together on a lead. The screaming, the crying, my ears bled with pain. Their voices were everywhere, I couldn’t block it out. Sweat dripped down my forehead. My heart was ready to lurch right out of my chest. I was trapped. My limbs heavy, I couldn’t move.

Thank fuck that was around the time I’d wake up. After enduring the hell over and over in one night, I gave up on sleep until my body left me no choice but to fall back into a slumber unwillingly.

My foot lands on the last step of the stairs and all the eyes of my squad turn to me.

I clear my throat and acknowledge their presence, “Morning.”

I avert my eyes and give off an ‘I’m not in the mood to talk’ attitude as I head to my office at the back of the room, avoiding eye contact with any of them. They’re my closest friends. I trust them with my life, but I don’t trust anyone with my fears. How can I let them see how this shit affects me? How can they trust me to have their backs if they know every time a bullet ejects from a chamber, I’m sent back there, back to the warehouse, to the day five small children lost their lives?