He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, of course. As long as you’re okay.”

“I am, just a little sore.”

Olly coughs, shifting uncomfortably. “So, sleepovers now, it’s getting serious then. Lindsey Jenkins does not do sleepovers.” A smile plays at his lips.

“Oh, shut up.” I half-laugh, half-groan. “Finally. We’re getting to what I need to talk to you about. Despite you never being in a ‘real’ relationship with a woman over the time span of our friendship, I need you now to listen to me, be a good best friend, and give me advice. Even if you’re the worst person to ask, I can’t ask anyone but you.”

He frowns, brows knitting together. “And why is that?”

“Because no one understands me the way you do.”

It’s that simple. There is no other person who can work out what’s going on in my mind without me saying a single word. Over the years, he’s learned more about me than anyone else ever has. He’ll take my secrets to the grave, just as I’ll take his. When we met, there was a likeness between us which caused us to drift together. Our circumstances were different, but we were carbon copies of one another, lost souls searching for something we never actually needed, but the childhood versions of us believed we did.

Olly reaches across the desk, covering my hand with his. His eyes search mine and they pierce my heart. The look one forever reminding me of where we started, how pitiful my life was, how weak I had chosen to be. “Well, go ahead, let’s have at it.”

“I had the most amazing sex of my life and if I die today, I would be okay with that. That’s how satisfyingly, fucking incredible it was, Olly,” I burst out. “I thought about it, and I know why it was so damn good, and that knowledge confuses the shit out of me. It’s because it was with him.” I stare off into space, losing myself in the realization that Mason means more to me than I choose to admit aloud until this moment. I didn’t want to want him. I didn’t want to admit my feelings were more than just the desire to have him once and then be done with him. He could ruin me, ruin everything I’ve built and worked hard for, and I can’t let him take that from me. I won’t. I’ve fought to become the woman I am, I battled a war I was condemned to lose. I may not have succeeded by following the rules, making the wisest choices, but I survived and that is good enough for me.

What will become of me if I let him into my heart? I’d only ever loved three men, and two of them left me with irreparable wounds, none visible on my body, but they were deeper, more painful than any that bled from my skin. Mason deserves more than I can ever give him and I despise that hidden somewhere, a small insecure fragment of my mind is screaming louder than the rest, letting me know I’ll never be good enough for him. I did the worst thing I could have done for both of us last night. I gave in, giving us the last push we needed to succumb to what we both craved. At first, I believed I was giving in to him just to get what I wanted, but I fell into my own trap. With his very first kiss, I was captured by him, confined by his passion.

“Linds.” Olly’s low voice calms me, bringing me out of my stupor. I stare at him, my eyes voicing all the questions swirling around in my head. His expression softens. He gets it, just like I knew he would.

“I don’t know him well, Olly. And with Charlotte, it’s a whole other playing field, and I don’t know the rules of the game.”

“Hold up a sec, who’s Charlotte?” I realize I haven’t mentioned her before.

“His daughter.”

His eyebrows rise, eyes bulging. “The guy has a child?”

I smile, remembering Charlotte’s cute little face and her adorable personality. “Yeah, a nine-year-old girl. She’s sweet,” I murmur.

“Is that a real smile, Lindsey?” His face breaks out into a smirk, encouraging my own lips to smile wide.

“Ugh, stop, leave me alone. I’m injured and sexually tormented, best not take me on too many times today.”

“You like him a lot, don’t you?” Olly stares at me. His form pinched, he scrutinizes my every move as I walk over to my floor-to-ceiling window, whispering out, “No.” Lie.

“Babe, you can fake your ass off with everyone else but this is me you’re talking to so cut the bullshit. It’s offensive.”

I rub my hands through my messed-up hair. “Okay, so maybe I do. It sucks you know. First time in my life I meet a guy worth it all, and he turns out to be a cop. One person who could turn my world upside down. I can never tell him what I do and expect him to understand. If he ever found out, he’d have to choose between turning me in or keeping my secret. Either way, what kind of person would I be if I put him through that? It’s not fair to him.”

“You’d be human, babe. What about your happiness? Everything you just said was about him, not you. When are you ever going to let go of what happened so you can move forward with your future? I know I said stay away for the greater good. But fuck the job, Linds. Fuck everyone else. For once in your life put yourself first. Allow yourself the happiness you deserve, even if you don’t believe it.” He speaks with such conviction and slowly, as the words echo through my head, I can’t help thinking, hoping, is he right? I cup my elbow in one hand, tapping my lips with the other. Could Mason Cole handle my truths?

I inch back around, facing Olly. “For someone who doesn’t even like the guy, you’ve sure changed your tune.”

“Babe, it’s not that I don’t like him. I don’t know a thing about him. But what I do know is, he makes you smile and when you’ve called, he’s come running. Guys don’t do shit like that for a woman they couldn’t care less about.” He drops his gaze, avoiding eye contact with me when he says his last few words.

“I know, that’s what confuses me.” I sigh, once again voicing something I know I’ve said before.

“We’re out of the game, Olly. No more. We’ve both been thinking about it for months and I think it’s time we put this part of our lives to bed. We have one more job with Rossi, then we’re done for good.”

“Well then, there will be nothing stopping you from working this thing out with Mason then. But hold up. What job with Rossi? Tell me you didn’t agree to whatever shit he spun.” Oliver sighs and scratches the back of his neck. “Linds, we talked about this.” I put my hands up in defense. “I know we did. But believe me when I say, it will be worth it. Please, I need you to trust me on this.”

I plead with my eyes, with everything I have.

He blows out a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Thank you.”

My mind wanders back to Mason. “Mason may turn me in if he ever finds out. But whatever happens, I’ll make sure you don’t go down for any of it.”

Olly pushes out from his seat and walks to my office door. “You’ve always had my back, babe. Just remember I’ve got yours and, if Mason’s the guy you say he is, he’s probably got it too. Give the man a chance, Lindsey. Give yourself the chance to show the world the real Lindsey Jenkins. You might be surprised at how much people like her.”

I slump forward, loosening my posture. “Yeah, maybe.”

Sadness creeps under my skin. I have no clue who the real Lindsey Jenkins is. I haven’t been her since I was just a kid, and I never want to be that girl again.

Grabbing the door handle, Olly steps out to walk away, but not before poking his head back in. “Just remember I’m here for your pleasure should you decide against my advice.”

I roll my eyes and a chuckle resonates in my throat, slipping past my lips. “Way to ruin the moment.”

He shrugs, angling his head to the side. “Just remember what I said.”

The door shuts and silence envelopes me, but it’s no longer comforting. This talk about Mason, work, the stillness allows me too much to think. The moment I’d let my walls down and shown Mason a slice of what was behind them, he seemed to accept me. I was sure he knew there was a lot I wasn’t telling him, yet he continued worshipping me, kissing me, wanting me.