“You’re a crazy old bird, you know that?”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. I always thought of myself as a phoenix. A fighter that rises from the ashes of its own demise.”

The waiter appears and we both order the special. He leaves, sensing that neither of us cares about food. As soon as he’s gone, I lean across the table.

“Look, the FBI has been trying to hack me for years. But now they’re threatening someone I love. I have to do something.”

His hand shakes as he reaches for his water glass. “What are you trying to tell me, Luke?”

When I planned this meeting, I never imagined that I’d feel so guilty. For years this man has represented nothing but pain in my life. But now that he’s here in front of me, it’s not so easy to tell him that I’m throwing him under the bus.

“I hacked into your computer system. You should tell your assistant never to click on links in emails. And to stop using the same password for everything.”

He blinks several times and then a booming laugh rings out. “I’ll do that. You’ve got balls, kid. That’s for sure.”

“This isn’t a joke. I have to give the FBI something. If I’m going to negotiate, I have to offer something they want. What they want is information about you.”

“Don’t worry about me. No matter what happens, the world will keep on spinning. It always does.”

The fact that he’s trying to reassure me makes it all the worse. He’s worried about my conscience while I’m burning his world to the ground.

“I’m going to do my best to scrub the information. Pull out anything that can implicate you directly but chances are that I’ll miss something. Consider this a friendly warning to be on your guard.”

He inclines his head in acknowledgment. “I understand. You’re just doing what you have to do. A man has to protect those he loves, a lesson I learned too late. Although I suppose if I hadn’t been so foolish once you wouldn’t be here. And I wouldn’t choose that for anything.”

He observes me quietly for a moment. There’s no denying that the way he’s looking at me is … fond. I was expecting him to be annoyed or even angry that I’ve refused to meet with him before. The last thing I was expecting was to show up and realize that he loves me.

“I just wanted to warn you ahead of time. I feel like I owe you that much.”

“You don’t owe me anything. But I thank you for it all the same.” He places his napkin down on the table and grabs his cane.

“Wait, where are you going?”

He blinks in surprise. “You brought me here to warn me. Which I appreciate. Now I’ll let you get back to that pretty little thing at your apartment.”

I don’t even bother asking how he knows about Seven. He seems to have eyes everywhere. I guess that’s a side effect of constantly worrying about someone stabbing you in the back.

“Well, don’t go yet.”

My mom has always said that kindness costs nothing but is worth everything. Considering things are probably going to get pretty dicey after this, would it really hurt for me to spend a little time with him? I look around and in that moment I make a decision.

“Stay. We’re already here. We might as well have lunch.”

He smiles tremulously and then rests his cane against the table. “Having lunch with my son. I’d like that very much.”

†

By the time I get home a few hours later, I’m running on fumes. Talking to Max was surprisingly easy and had the unwelcome side effect of making me second-guess my decision.

I’ve never missed having a father. How can you miss something you’ve never had? But I did wonder what it would be like. I watched other kids with their fathers at baseball games and at the park. It’s way too late for Max and I to ever bond that way but tonight I saw that it’s not necessarily too late for me to know him.

He’s smart and has an unexpectedly sharp sense of humor. He has all the brashness of Tank and a sense of charm that reminds me of Gabe. I can easily see bits and pieces of all of us in him and it makes me wonder what I’ve done.

Max was able to provide some details that will help me scrub the information I pulled. He told me who was friend and who was foe. But even with that information, I still have a sick sense of foreboding about this whole thing.

What if he really does end up going to prison because of me? I was so sure I wouldn’t care and one meal changed everything.

I shake off my sense of guilt as I open the door. The living room is empty but Seven’s shoes are in the middle of the floor and her favorite coffee mug is on the table. My earlier sense of unease vanishes instantly. I don’t owe anything to Max just because we’re related. I have an obligation only to myself and to those I care about. And more and more, I’m starting to consider Seven “mine.” Mine to protect. Mine to cherish.

Mine to love.

Her things look right in my place. She looks right in my place. It’s where she belongs and I’m going to fix things for her. If I give the FBI information they want, they’ll leave Seven alone.

I’ll protect her with the last breath in my body.

Things are quiet but then I hear soft singing coming from the bedroom. Seven’s probably working with headphones on again.

I pull out the laptop I bought on the way home. It doesn’t take long to configure and then pull the information from my server. I glance at my phone, occasionally referencing the list of names Max gave me as I decide what to include. Finally I have a reasonable cache of information that should keep the FBI appeased. Hopefully.

I walk back to the bathroom, leaving the laptop open on the counter. If Seven downloads whatever is on that flash drive, the FBI will get exactly what I want them to see. It’ll kill me if she does it but even if she betrays me, she’ll be protected.

I’ll keep her safe even if she doesn’t want me to. My heart won’t allow me to do any less.

chapter twelve

†

SEVEN

This morning, I was only half awake when Luke kissed me goodbye. I heard something about an appointment but I was asleep again before he left the room. By the time I wake again it’s almost lunchtime.

It’s probably a good thing that Luke isn’t here to witness my painfully awkward walk to the bathroom. I’ve never thought of myself as being in bad shape but we definitely gave my muscles a much needed workout again last night. I’m stiff and sore all over, even after I stand under the hot spray of the shower for a solid ten minutes.

Amidst the warmth and steam I acknowledge that I’m using sex to distract me from the rapidly looming deadline. Agent Walker hasn’t emailed me again yet but it’s coming. It’s only a matter of time. Luke has definitely sensed that something is wrong but he doesn’t seem to want to delve too deeply either.

I think we’re both afraid of upsetting this delicate equilibrium we’ve reached.

Maybe if I get some work done I’ll be in a better frame of mind to come up with a plan. I get out and towel off, then dress in jeans and a T-shirt before sitting down behind my computer. After a while, I get up and put on my headphones. I’m not used to being in the apartment alone and the quiet seems so loud. Luke didn’t say what his appointment was about but he’s been gone for a long time.

Insecurity threatens and I wonder if he’s seeking space from the recent tension between us. Can I really blame him if he is? It’s been a strain on me, too. My feelings for him have me all turned around.