“Seriously, I’m cool. My mom thinks I must be depressed or something just because I’m not out partying with other people my age. You guys can stick around. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve been disappointed in my life.”

Tank pantomimes holding up a tiny violin and playing it.

Even though half of my mind is still on the girl I saw in the rain, I can’t help but laugh.  “You’re such an asshole.”

Finn chuckles too and the sound lifts my mood. My mom comes over and sets down two pieces of pie and before he can move, I grab his fork and stab the second piece. His expression of mute horror is so good I wish I’d been recording it.

“Just for that, find your own damn pie.”

chapter two

†

SEVEN

Today I’m going to do it.

I look around the hotel where I’ve spent the last two nights. There are several shirts thrown over the bed from when I changed clothes three times this morning. My laptop is on the desk and my e-reader is on the nightstand. Normally I’m in and out of hotels so quickly that I barely have time to unpack. But not this time. This time I’m settling in like I’m here on vacation.

Because I haven’t worked up the nerve to do what I came for.

Frustrated, I flop down on the bed and pick up the manila envelope I left there this morning. For the first time in three years I’m taking a vacation and this envelope holds the reason why. With trembling fingers, I pull out the contents. My secret shame. A photo of an adorable cherub-cheeked boy.

Lucas Marshall.

For so long the computers at the school library were my only escape from overcrowded foster homes and the pain of being separated from my little sister, Grace. Then I met Luke on a message board. Our friendship over the years became one of the constants that kept me going whenever I lost hope. People at my school weren’t exactly lining up to be friends with the weird girl with the scar on her face.

But then I’d log on and Luke would be there with another story about his mom or his crazy uncles. Through his words I disappeared into an existence where there was warmth and happiness.

There haven’t been many constants in my life but Luke has always been one of the only things I’ve been able to count on.

It never occurred to me then what a breach of trust it was to investigate my online friend. In my mind, I was just doing what any teenage girl does when she has a crush. Look for information. Plus, I was young and stupid, eager to put my newfound skills to use.

My fingers run over the rough surface of the photo. It’s slightly crumpled and the quality is grainy but considering I had to hack several administrators at West Haven High to get access to their yearbook proofs to get it, it’s in pretty good shape.

“Luke” was listed under Extracurricular Activities as editor of the school newspaper so I assumed that was what he preferred to be called. He also appeared really young despite being listed as a sophomore. He told me later that he was thirteen at the time.

Luke had told me himself that his mom had a bakery and a simple search had allowed me to figure out where it was. The website for the bakery Anita’s Place lists Anita Marshall as the proprietor.  I knew he was the only child of a single mom and had a hard time making friends, too.

With every detail gathered, a picture emerged of a boy much like me. He didn’t exactly fit into his world, either. We learned together and challenged each other and when he got himself in trouble hacking something he shouldn’t have, I was there to bail him out. That day we made a pact to always be there for each other. To be the person the other could call if they needed help. Any time. Any place. He’d promised to always be my friend.

But that was because he doesn’t actually know who I am.

His email asking me to help him build coding schools for kids excited me in ways I haven’t felt in years. Underprivileged kids often lag behind in technology education simply because they don’t have easy access to computers. I spent as much time as possible at the library instead of whatever foster home I was assigned to but even that wasn’t enough sometimes.

I was so excited about the project until the ugly truth hit me. To do this, I’d have to meet Luke face to face. He’d finally know what I’ve taken so much trouble to hide. And everything would change between us.

“Sometimes you have to take a risk,” I whisper.

It’s been years in the making but it’s finally time to reveal myself to Luke. I can only hope he’ll understand why I lied to him.

Decision made, I gather up the clothes strewn across the bed. Packing my suitcase will give me something to do while I gather my nerve. Today is the day and no matter what, after this I won’t be staying in this hotel. If I chicken out again, then I’ll be on the first thing smoking back to New York. Or if I go through with it and Luke is pissed. Maybe he won’t want to talk to me. Maybe he won’t forgive me.

But if he does …

If he does then maybe I’ll finally have what I’ve dreamed of for years, the chance to be with him for real.

†

Rain drips from one of my eyebrows and onto my cheek. The awning for Anita’s Place is sagging slightly under the rain but it’s still easy to read the letters. This is it. There’s a good chance Luke is in that building right now.

Cursing, I step under the awning for a business across the street. I clearly didn’t think this plan out properly since I have no idea where to go from here. Just because this is where Luke usually hangs out doesn’t mean he’s in there right now. He could be at a friend’s house or even out of town. My heart sinks and I suck in a sharp breath. Suddenly my heart is pounding and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

What if I’ve come all this way and he’s not even here?

Movement in the window across the street draws my eyes. A man sits down in one of the booths. It looks like he’s talking to someone. The way the light hits the glass makes it hard to see so I move down the sidewalk a little. That’s when I see who he’s talking to.  Only from the side but the sight still takes me off guard.

The man is on a laptop typing furiously and even though he’s obviously much older, and much bigger, I think as my eyes roam over his tall frame, it’s definitely Luke.

“Hello friend,” I whisper.

Looks have never played a part in our friendship for obvious reasons. But I can’t deny how unsettling it is to see how handsome Luke has grown to be. My hand goes to cover my cheek unconsciously before I pull it back down. That won’t matter to him. I know it won’t.

We have a bond that transcends anything physical. I’ve never been able to get attached to anyone before besides Grace. I have friends, sure. The barista at my favorite coffee shop. I’m friendly with the girl who lives at the other end of the hall in my apartment building and have accepted several invitations to hang with her friends.

I’ve tried to build connections outside of the virtual world but every single one of them pales in comparison to the way I feel about Luke.

He is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend.

I’m so arrested by my first sight of him in the flesh that it takes me a moment to notice that another man has joined them in the booth. The two guys sitting across from Luke must be friends since it looks like they’re having a pretty in-depth conversation.