Collapsing onto the hard floor, I curled up into a ball, clutching the box to my chest, and cried and cried until I was certain I’d never be able to stop.

I ran away when I should’ve stayed and fought.

Seventeen

Ash

The Underground was different than I remembered.

There were new faces everywhere and so many fighters I didn’t know. At least that hadn’t changed. There would always be angry men chasing a cheap thrill in the cage.

Pushing through the crowd, I ignored the curious glances being thrown my way and went straight for the man at the top.

I couldn’t fuckin’ believe I’d resorted to this. By coming here, I’d just pushed the undo button on Ren and me. She’d left me and kissed another man. I slammed my fist down on the metaphoric button and stormed past the security guards who separated the rabble from the big boys out back.

“Hey!”

I ignored the voice shouting at me from behind, and I barged into the office, the door flying inward.

Max glanced up and raised an eyebrow when he realized who was standing in front of him. Hands grabbed me from behind, and I was hauled back a step, but he lifted a hand to dismiss them. A second later, the door shut.

“I just saw a fuckin’ ghost,” Max drawled, leaning back in his chair.

He hadn’t changed one bit, he was exactly the same as the last time I saw the guy. He was top dog these days after pushing out his competition, but that was the kinda man he was. Knowing the lengths he would’ve gone to solidify his position here, I knew exactly how hard I was able to push before he snapped.

Max had been good to me, but I was smart enough to know that it didn’t mean the man was in love with me. He’d turn the moment my being here wasn’t a good deal for him.

“I need a fight,” I said, my anger starting to surface despite the iron grip I had on it.

Max looked me up and down, his expression remaining impassive. “Like that is it?”

“I never asked you for one thing after I took care of your Hammer problem,” I said, my hands curling into tight fists. “You were fine using me to kill a man, so let’s just cut the crap.”

“You better watch your mouth, Fuller. We don’t take too kindly to assholes throwing around accusations within these walls.”

“No matter if they’re true or not?”

“Most times they are, but there’s no need to confirm them.” Leaning forward, he looked me over. “The high and mighty life don’t suit you or somethin’?”

“I just need a fight,” I shot back, beginning to grind my jaw.

“If you’ve got some aggression to work out, you best not be doing it in my cage. I know what happens with guys like you…just lookin’ for a fight.”

He was exactly right, I shouldn’t be using my fists to work out my problems, but I had to feel the pain of a dirty fight. Blood, sweat and motherfuckin’ tears.

“I’m different now,” I said, walking a fine line between truth and fantasy. “I know how to control myself.”

It was an outright lie, but if I could hold myself back from the edge in that cage…maybe I’d know for sure. I desperately wanted to prove my father wrong, but all I’d been doing so far was proving him right.

“I’m pushing thirty, Max. I don’t want to be doing this kind of fighting for much longer.”

“Never thought I’d see the day that Ash Fuller thought he was too old to fight. What about the money? You always liked the money.”

“Bullshit,” I snapped. I’d never given two fucks about that. “I don’t give a shit about the money. You can keep my share if that’s what it’ll take.”

He sat in thoughtful silence for a moment before leaning forward. “I’ve got just the guy for you.”

So, it was obviously a go. I was getting what I wanted. “What’s his name?”

“Steel,” Max said. “He’s a good guy. Promising.”

“What’s he like in the cage?” I knew he wasn’t telling me something since promising was code for ‘needs a lot of work’.

“I wouldn’t put you up against him if I didn’t think he could hack it.”

“I’m not going to hold back,” I said. “It’s not in me.” Especially when I was this amped up.

Max shrugged, not perturbed in the slightest. “If he gets a few hooks in and thrills the crowd a little, it’ll do wonders for the guy.”

I grunted. “Do it.”

“Fifteen minutes, then,” he said, rising to his feet.

I opened the door, letting him out first. “I’ll be ready.”

Max nodded and disappeared down the hall toward the arena in search of Steel. Fifteen minutes? I was ready now.

“Look what the cat dragged in.”

I turned with a scowl as Hamish ‘Goblin’ McBride sauntered down the hall toward me. It’d been at least six months since I’d seen him when he’d been in to have a look at Pulse, but it didn’t mean I hadn’t heard all about his and Josie’s on and off relationship from Ren.

“On or off, Goblin?” I drawled, rolling my eyes.

He rubbed the back of his neck with a hand and shrugged. “On, I think, you smart bastard.”

“What do you want?”

He gave me the once over and scowled. “Nice to see you too, fuck face, though I don’t know what the hell you’re doing here.”

“None of your business.” The accusation was clear in his voice, and I didn’t like it one bit.

He glanced at the office door. “Somethin’ must be wrong if you’re here lookin’ for a fight.”

“I just want to fight,” I snapped, turning to walk off. “Like you give a stuff.”

“Fuller,” he said, grabbing my arm. “I know I can’t stop you, but—”

“But nothing, Goblin,” I said, deliberately using his cage name. “I’m here to fight. Once. Then I’m gone.”

“That worries me even more with your track record.”

“While we’re talking about track records,” I hissed, getting up in his face. “How about we discuss the shit you pull with Josie?”

Hamish’s eyes narrowed, and he pushed me away. “Fuck up your life, what do I care?” Stepping around me, he stalked off toward the arena, his shoulders tense.

Rolling my eyes, I ventured out back to the change room, visions of the past flashing through my mind. I’d spent so much time here struggling with my demons, and then Ren had done the same thing. We’d fought here together, fucked in the shower stall over there, kissed here, fell in love there…

Dumping my stuff into an empty locker, I went about wrapping up my hands, ignoring the outright stares being thrown my way.

Steel is fighting Maverick. Maverick? Ash Fuller? No fucking way. Steel is going to get his head knocked off. He won’t last five minutes.

I didn’t give a shit about winning. All I gave a crap about was erasing the pain she’d inflicted on me and proving my father wrong. I hated both of them. I wanted to feel something else.

Walking out to the cage stirred up memories I’d rather forget…so I did. I switched Ash Fuller off and turned my fighter mode on. Now I’d finally see who was right. Me or him. Forget her. She doesn’t want you anymore.

The crowd buzzed as I appeared, and they parted to let me through, their eyes burning into my skin. Maverick was back.

Stepping into the cage, I was illuminated in light, the heat from the bulbs warming my skin. I wore nothing but a pair of black shorts, my tattoo like a second skin across my chest, and my hands were wrapped tightly with bright red bandages. Red like blood. Red like the love that I’d lost. Red like rage.

Max stood beside me and clapped me on the shoulder.

“Maverick, Steel. Steel, Maverick,” he said, nodding to my opponent before he turned and began to announce us to the crowd.

Staring at Steel for the first time as he toed the line, I sized him up. He was young, maybe about twenty-five, his muscles were well defined, he had a few scars and fresh bruises, but most guys around here did. He looked like a career fighter—he took care of himself—but like Max said, he was fresh. I could smell his desperate need to prove himself, and I made a bet that was what was tripping him up. I could let him get a couple of punches in and maybe a throw to boost the kid’s confidence, or I could just wipe the floor with his ass.