Shoot, that’s not good.

“I’m sure she’s just busy. She’s having the time of her life, you know. I bet…” The scent of tuna fish floats through the air and I gag. “I bet…” I get another whiff and I barely get my hand over my mouth as my lunch starts to come back up. I dash from the table to the closest trash can.

“Hey, are you okay?” A hand begins to rub my shoulder and then I see a water bottle lower into my vision. I grab it, swish some water around in my mouth, spit it out, and take a seat at the nearest table. Thank god there aren’t many people in here; that was not something anyone wants to see.

“I’m fine.” I say, giving Logan a weak smile before gathering my things and heading home. Now is not the time to catch the flu, because that’s all it could be. I’ve repeated that sentence every day since I started throwing up, and I’m praying I’m right. A nap before work should cure whatever I am coming down with. When I get to work tonight, all I have to tell Ethan is that I have a real shot at this job. That’s it. I won’t have anything else to tell him and the next couple weeks will fly by just as planned until they announce the winner.

And that winner is going to be me because nothing is going to mess up any more of my plans. Nothing.

* * *

Both the columnist dinner and Thanksgiving are just days away. Logan and I slowly make our way down the steps after class lets out for break. I glance up to see Ethan leaning against my car. The weather has been getting colder and the snow has been nonstop. Ethan’s cheeks are rosy, and he’s wearing a red hoodie and dark blue jeans with his legs crossed at the ankles while he plays on his cellphone. He looks sexy as always, and I still can’t believe he’s mine.

When I told him about the paper, he was thrilled and almost more excited than I was.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Ethan greets me pulling me in for a hug and burying his face in my neck. I don’t say anything back, because if I do, I’ll say the wrong thing and start crying and then he’ll ask questions. Questions I’m not ready to answer. He trails kisses from my ear until he reaches my mouth. I kiss him back and wrap my arms around his neck. I love these moments, when nothing matters but him and me.

I’m going to ruin everything.

“Dude, really, we’re standing in a parking lot. Save it for later. It was cute a month ago but now, it’s just – just stop,” Logan complains, but deep down I know he doesn’t care. I think he’s still having problems reaching Sara, but I’m not sure how to bring it up. Ethan pulls away, but not before he gives me a few more quick kisses.

“I’d love to stay and continue this, but Logan and I have plans,” he says, sticking out his bottom lip and then placing a kiss on my forehead.

“Dude, we’re going to play ball, so you better man the fuck up before we get there. Let’s go,” Logan says, pulling Ethan by his shirt.

“I’ll call you later!” he shouts as he climbs into his truck, where Logan waits impatiently in the passenger’s seat, watching me through the window. I’ve been getting sick a lot in class lately and I threw up twice today. After the second time, he kept looking at me all weird. I avoided making any eye contact with him until class was over, but it was almost like he could read my mind.

I think I’m pregnant.

I drive straight to Sara’s and my apartment. If I remember right, we already have a test there that I can take. This isn’t the first time one of us has been in this situation. I just hope it turns out the same as the other times. I run up the stairs and dash straight for the bathroom, but that door is locked. How is it locked? No one’s even living here.

“Just a minute,” a female voice calls from inside. The waterworks flow instantly at her voice. I can’t imagine a better time for Sara to be home. I need my best friend now more than ever.

She opens the door, smiling, and holds her arms out wide.

“Did you miss— Oh my gosh, what’s wrong?” Her smile drops and she pulls me in for a hug.

“I think I’m pregnant,” I blurt out, but you can hardly understand me over the sobs. If only it was that easy for me to tell Ethan.

“What? How? Who?” She fires the questions at me, but I don’t answer as I walk past her to the sink. I dig around in the medicine cabinet, looking for that stupid box.

“I thought we had a test in here,” I say, trying to pull myself together. She shuffles her feet, avoiding eye contact.

“I had to use it before I left.”

“What! Why didn’t you tell me?” What a pair we make. Wait no… scratch that. What an irresponsible pair we make.

“It doesn’t matter. It was a false alarm. We have more important things to worry about now.” She pulls me to my feet and we leave for the store.

Sara offers to act like it is her test and I let her. Real mature, Kelsey. I’m pretty sure the clerk knows the truth though, seeing as I am the one with bloodshot, tear-stained eyes. Sara looked calm as ever. When we get back to the apartment, I rush to the bathroom. I’m so happy Sara is here. She must have had some friend radar telling her that I needed her. It’s probably just stress, but once this is over, I’ll have to remember to ask her the real reason she’s back.

Chapter Twenty-two

Kelsey

Positive.

That can’t be right.

The purple box I dreaded buying for fear of the results is sitting on the white marble bathroom sink, and when I grab it to re-read the instructions I nearly crumple it into a ball with my grip.

“Minus, minus means not pregnant, plus sign minus means pregnant.” I repeat this to myself until it’s branded into my brain.

I hold the small stick in front of my face once again to see the results. I squint my eyes and pull it closer under the impression this will help me find an error. There is a plus sign and a minus sign. Shit. Pregnant. My heart leaps into my throat, the temperature in the room raises a hundred degrees, and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

I groan loudly, covering my face with my hands and sit on the edge of the tub, silently freaking out. I’m going to cry. Breathe, Kelsey, just breathe. Yep, there’s no holding the tears back. What am I going to do? This can’t be happening.

I can’t be pregnant. I’m only twenty-two. I don’t have a full-time job or insurance. I’m a bartender paying for college. I live in a small, two-bedroom apartment with my best friend because I can’t afford a place on my own. I can’t afford a baby. Clearly this test is a dud. I’d better take another to be sure.

“Kelsey? What’s taking so long?” Sara asks from the behind the bathroom door. “I’m ready to crack this bottle of wine open and celebrate the fact we have overactive imaginations!”

Her voice startles me into motion and I stand quickly to open the second test. We went to the store solely to buy pregnancy tests but ended up purchasing two bottles of Moscoto as well. We had high hopes this was just a really bad case of food poisoning.

“Oh, I uh...” Crap. Sara may be acting fully supportive now, but I know she will freak out as much as I am if tell her I am definitely pregnant – with her cousin’s baby, no less. I never answered her questions earlier, and she won’t waste time asking them again. She will drink both bottles right in front of me after I give her the answers.

I can’t think fast enough for an excuse. Wiping away the tears that managed to sneak out with the back of my hand, I turn the sink on, letting the water run on full blast to hide my sniffles. “I just turned some water on, hopefully that will give my body some encouragement,” I tell her, hoping she believes me.

“I told you to drink lots of water first! Did you listen to me? Noooo, you were too anxious to take the test.” She pauses and neither of us says anything. She must have grown tired of waiting because she tells me to yell if I need her before I hear the sound of her bare feet against the tile floor fade as she leaves.