“Well, let’s have a look, shall we?”

He put on gloves and lifted the sheet. He said nothing while examining her, and when he looked up, he spoke to the nurse.

“What's her blood pressure?”

The nurse showed him the chart.

“And the fetal heart rate?”

“Slow.”

Dr. Phelps studied the chart a moment longer. Wade could tell he was weighing the options, but he just wished the doctor would tell them what the options were.

When he finally looked up, Wade and Katie were both staring at him with the same intensity. Wade recognized the look of fear on Katie's face and he knew his face was reflecting the same fear.

“We're going to have to do a C-section. I won't mislead you; we're in a hazardous place right now. It appears Katie has suffered a placental abruption.”

Wade's look of fear deepened.

“What is that?”

“It's when the placenta separates from the wall of the uterus and the baby becomes deprived of oxygen. We're going to move Katie to surgery. We need to get the baby delivered as soon as possible.”

“Will they be all right? The baby is still so small.”

“I hope so, but we must move quickly.”

Dr. Phelps turned to the nurse. Wade didn't hear what he said. He was in shock.

When the doctor rotated on his stool back to the Duncan’s, he was looking at Wade.

“I will see you shortly in surgery.”

He gave them another smile and left the room.

Wade looked at Katie. Tears were streaming down her face. They were both thinking the same thing. Katie said it for both of them.

“We can't face it again...we can't...”

Wade squeezed her hand. He understood, but he just didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell her it would be okay and not to worry, and that things were going to work out. But he knew better. They both did. Sometimes things didn’t work out. Ultimately, he did the one thing that made them both feel better. He bent over the bed and laid his head on her chest.

****

Nurse Susan Turnbull helped Wade get into the gown and mask. When he was ready, she led him into the operating room where Katie was already on the bed. The surgical team was busy putting antiseptic on Katie's stomach. A small incubator with dials and monitors turned on and ready had been brought in by the neonatal staff and set up in a corner. Wade was led over by the head of Katie’s bed and given a stool to sit on. He looked down, tried to give her a reassuring smile, and caressed his wife's cheek. There was a sheet strung across Katie's chest and neither of them could see her belly.

Dr. Phelps entered the room shortly after Wade. He stopped and had the gloves slipped on by a nurse, then went over and looked at a monitor before coming over to where Katie could see him. He gave her a smile.

“We're gonna get started. You okay?”

Katie nodded, but didn't smile.

The doctor turned and talked with his staff before beginning the delivery. Wade wanted to watch, but, at the same time, he was afraid to. He was excited at the thought of his son's birth, but terrified of what he might see when their baby was delivered. Finally he decided that the sheet hiding the surgery was more of a blessing than a curse.

He looked down at Katie, whose eyes were closed, and tried to imagine what she was thinking. Probably the same thing he was.

Let him be all right. Let him be all right. Let him be all right.

He knew that Katie could no more handle losing a third pregnancy than he could. And he couldn't imagine the despair they would feel.

In just a few minutes, their baby boy was delivered through an incision in Katie's stomach. Dr. Phelps held him up so both Wade and Katie could see him. Before they could smile or ask to hold him, he was handed to the neonatal team.

  Wade noticed immediately that his son was blue.

  Dr. Phelps began stitching Katie back up as the neonatal doctors worked on their baby boy in the corner of the room. Wade realized he hadn’t heard his son cry. When he was done, Dr. Phelps came over and shook Wade's hand. No words were spoken.

  The neo-natal team had stabilized their baby enough to move him to the neo-natal intensive care unit and they had wheeled his tiny incubator out of the room.

  Wade opted to stay with Katie and for a long time, he just stood there. Dr. Phelps was gone, and the only noise in the room was the hushed conversations and shuffling around of the medical team as they cleaned up.

A few minutes later, an orderly came in to wheel Katie to recovery. He kissed her and watched as she left but his own feet wouldn't move. It was as if staying there would protect him from what he had to face outside the room.

Eventually, the nurses had finished their work and one came over to Wade, gently touching his arm.

“Mr. Duncan?”

Wade looked at her with a glazed stare.

“Mr. Duncan, you can take the gown off. I'll take you to the see the baby.”

Wade started removing the gown without acknowledging her. The nurse took the gown and, with a hand on his back, led him towards the door.

****

Wade rode the small elevator that led up to the NICU. He was let out into a hallway that had several long sinks and a shelf with gowns and masks in various sizes laid on it. He was met by a nurse who instructed him to wash his hands well and then put a mask and gown on.

When Wade was ready, he was led through two sets of doors, into the NICU ward. There were two long rows of incubators against opposite walls. A group of 4 or 5 nurses surrounded a bed at the far end of the room. The nurse leading Wade took him down towards the group huddling over his son.

As he reached the bed side, the group parted to let him come up next to the bed. Wade began to cry. His tiny boy had tubes and wires coming from every spot on his body. Lights blinked and needles moved, but his son was very still.

“Can I touch him?”

The nurse nodded and lifted the canopy. Wade reached out with one finger and brushed his forehead. There was no response.

An alarm started beeping and Wade was pushed back. The nurse that brought him in, took his arm and led him back out through the double doors.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Duncan, but you’ll have to go to the waiting room. Your son needs immediate treatment.”

“For what? What was the beeping?”

“I’m sorry. The doctor will come see you soon.”

Then she was gone. For the second time in less than an hour, Wade was left standing in a gown and mask. This time he took them off without help and went to the waiting room.

****

Shirley was there when Wade finally got to the waiting room and seeing his face told her something was terribly wrong.

“Wade, what is it? Are Katie and the baby all right?”

Wade just stood and looked at her with a vacant stare.

“Wade...Wade?”

Finally he focused on her, and tears started streaming down his face. She took him by the elbow and led him to a chair. When he sat down, he let out a long moan.

“Kate is in recovery...” He paused.

“…and the baby?” she asked, searching his face.

“They rushed him out of the room to the neonatal ICU.” He looked at her. “I never heard him cry. When I went in to see him, he didn’t move. He is so tiny. I had to leave because some kind of an alarm started going off.”

  She gasped. She, too, had mourned the loss of her first two grandchildren, and the thought of losing a third was something she had not let herself think about. She got up and went to the desk.

“I need information on my daughter and her baby. Katie Duncan.”

“I'm sorry, ma’am, but you have to wait for your doctor. I don't have any news.”