It has, answered the bosun.
Very well, then, but you can take it from me as how it was, so there, and a very clever name it be, too; but there, you always was one of the clever ones, Job Mallet.
I wish I were clever enough to make your fat mouth shut, I do, muttered the bosun.
Now, then, Job Mallet, dont you begin getting to personalities. But there, now, I dont want to quarrel with you. Youve always had my greatest respecs, you has, and as well probably be stiff uns in a few minutes, we wont quarrel,
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old pal. But I give you my word that I dont like being shot down like a rabbit, and Im sorry as how its you as is in command, cos if it was any one else I declares Id get up now and walk home to bed.
If Captain Collyer was here, you know youd do nothing of the sort.
Why, aint he here? Thats wot I wants to know. Strike me dead! its easy enough to send out poor old seadogs to be shot like bunny rabbits. I could do that. There aint no pluck in that, as far as I can see, though praps I be wrong, and if I be wrong, well, Ill own up to it, for I dont care bein put in the wrong of it when I is in the wrong of it.
You aint a-settin a very good example to the young men, Im thinkin, said Job Mallet. You, the oldest seaman here, and a-grumblin and a-gossipin like an old housewife. You ought to think shame on yourself, old friend.
Oh, well, growled the other, I wont utter another blarsted word, I wont. But if you does want to know my opinion in these ere proceedins, itshell!
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I dont say as how I dont agree with you, returned Job Mallet, but there it is and weve got to make the best of it. It wont do no good a-grumblin. Well make the best of a bad job, and I hopes as I for one will be able to do my duty, cos I dont relish it no more than you do.
Well, strike me blind, dumb, and deaf! thundered the seadog in a voice of emotion as he clapped Job Mallet on the back, if Ive been a snivellin powder monkey I ought to be downright ashamed of myself, and seein as how I be the oldest seaman here, insteadwell, Im more than damned downright ashamed, Job Mallet, thank you! You set a good example to us all, Mister Bosun, and Ill stand by you for one. Damn the smugglers, and wait till I get at em, thats all!
Thank yer, said the bosun, but youll greatly oblige me by keeping quiet, cos here be the smugglers, if I aint mistook.
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Indeed at that instant along the road came the sound of the sharp, quick steps of the packponies. At present they were hidden in the mist which floated thickly about that part of the Marsh, but they could not only hear the ponies but a sound of a voice singing as well. This voice was raised in a wailing monotone and the words were repeated over and over again. They were intended for the ears of the wretched sailors who were waiting in the ditch for the attack:
Listen, oh, you good Kings men who are waiting to shoot us from the damp ditch. We have got your kind captain here, a blunderbuss alooking at the back of his head. If you fire on us, good Kings men, then the blunderbuss will fire at the good captain, and then:
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men Could not put captain together again.
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Even if the words were not sufficient to explain the situation to the sailors, the first figures of the cavalcade were all sufficient. A donkey led by two jacko- lanterns on foot jolted out of the fog. Upon its back was a man bound and gagged, supported on either side by two devil-men. That the gagged wretch was the captain needed no words to tell, for his uniform showed by the lanterns light, and there right behind him, sure enough, was the blunderbuss in question, pointed by a snuffy little devil called by his colleagues Hellspite, who sat hunched up on a shoddy little pony. This little group halted at a convenient distance from the sailors in the ditch, and Hellspite again rehearsed his little speech, ending up with:
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men Could not put captain together again.
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Now the poor bosun in command had all his life grown so used to taking other peoples orders that he didnt know what to do for the best. He liked the captain and didnt want to see him killed, though he knew what he must be suffering in his ridiculous position. He knew that had the captain but got the use of his speech he would have shouted, Fire! and be damned to em! But then the captain had not got the use of speech. The Scarecrow and Hellspite knew enough of the man to see to that, and as they had no great desire to be fired at, they had seen that the gags were efficient. So it was, after all, small wonder that the old grumbling seadog next to him, who possessed a rollicking vein of humour, laughed until he rolled back into the mud, for the sight was enough to make the proverbial cat laugh, much less a humorous old tar, and the rest of the men were divided into two classes, some following the example of the bosun and being struck stiff with amazement and powerless wrath, others joining the laughing tar in the muddy ditch and guffawing over the ridiculous
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situation of their captain, for he was not the build of man to sit an ass with any dignity, not being at all akin to a Levantine Jew, but very absurd in his naval uniform, with the cocked hat literally cocked right down over his nose. It was this sudden surprise that made the sailors utterly unprepared for what followed. A large party of horse swept out of the mist behind them, and when they turned to see what fresh thing was amiss there was a gallant line of terrible cavalry pulling up on their haunches a few yards in their rear. Thus they were cut off on both sides: at their back the devils with flaming faces, on horses of alarming proportions, and in front, their captain, waiting for them to shoot, to meet his own death by the little demons blunderbuss:
If you fire, you good Kings men, Then the devil shall blarst your captain.
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And you as well, you good Kings men! shrieked and howled the terrible demons at the back, who covered with pistols or blunderbuss every Jack Tar in the ditch.
Then another rider appeared on the scene. He was tall, thin, and of ungainly appearance, and he rode a light gray thoroughbred. He was the Scarecrow, and all the devils hailed him by that name as he appeared. Behind him came the packponies, some sixty or seventy in all, and on each pony was a wool pack that would have meant a human neck to the Kings hangman if only Collyer were free to work his will. The Scarecrow drew up in the road and watched the great procession of ponies pass along toward the coast. When they had all but passed he gave a signal, and the doors of Mill House barn were opened and ten more heavily laden ponies trotted out and joined the snake of illegal commerce that was wriggling away to the sea. Then like some field-marshal upon the field of battle did the Scarecrow slowly ride over a small bridge and then along the
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front of his demon cavalry. Jerry Jerk heard him give a short order to Beelzebub as he passed, and then saw him gallop away after the packponies. And then came the ordeal for the Kings men, for they were kept in that uncomfortable position for a full two hours, or maybe even longer. Folly to move, folly to fight, there they had to stopa foolish-looking group of fighting men, if you like, but more foolish had they attempted resistance, for they were outnumbered in men, in arms, and in wits. Once, indeed, did the bosun nearly lose his head, and that was when Hellspite lowered his blunderbuss and produced a clay pipe which he lit. The bosun saw a chance, spat in his hand, grasped his cutlass, and clambered from the dyke. But instantaneously came the ominous noise of cocking pistols, and the old seadog grabbed the bosuns leg and pulled him back swearing into the mud. Hellspite chuckled and smoked his pipe, the horsemen covered every man in the ditch with cocked weapons, and so another hour passed over the curious group. Suddenly from over the Marsh came the cry position for a full two hours, or maybe even longer. Folly to move, folly to fight, there they had to stopa foolish-looking group of fighting men, if you like, but more foolish had they attempted resistance, for they were outnumbered in men, in arms, and in wits. Once, indeed, did the bosun nearly lose his head, and that was when Hellspite lowered his blunderbuss and produced a clay pipe which he lit. The bosun saw a chance, spat in his hand, grasped his cutlass, and clambered from the dyke. But instantaneously came the ominous noise of cocking pistols, and the old seadog grabbed the bosuns leg and pulled him back swearing into the mud. Hellspite chuckled and smoked his pipe, the horsemen covered every man in the ditch with cocked weapons, and so another hour passed over the curious group. Suddenly from over the Marsh came the cry