Halloween has always been my favorite holiday: people dressing in ways they normally wouldn’t dare. Inhibitions down, even without drugs and alcohol, and dark exhilaration in the air. Tonight is no different as I scan the field of laughing people, but I don’t feel the buzz I normally do on this night.

The gorilla head smells rank, and it’s hot inside this damned thing. Between my nerves and the lack of ventilation, I’m sweating. I look through the mesh eyes at the crowd. There must be several hundred people there to see the five bands play. Not our band tonight, though I’m certain Raj, Michael, and Bennett are around here somewhere.

I focus my eyes, pulling each face into clear view from across the field. I wonder what Anna’ll be wearing. I imagine her in a sexy angel outfit—the irony would be our secret.

My gaze halts on the fuzzy blond head of Jay with an eye patch, and a fake parrot propped on his shoulder. Next to him is a small green witch wearing a ratty black wig and pointy hat, with a badge at her sternum only I can see. I grin to myself inside the mask as cool relief floods my system.

She’s here.

I won’t approach her. I don’t know how she feels anymore. A lot can change in two months, especially when I’ve done my best to push her away. She deserves better.

I feel the burn rise when I think of Kopano. Makes me want to rip off the gorilla head so I can breathe easier, but I’m not in the mood to be recognized by anyone other than Anna.

Kope is quite possibly the only man on earth worthy of Anna, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let him have her when her love’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. Impossible thoughts plague me. Impossible desires. Dangerous dreams.

I watch Anna now as she glances down at herself, then crosses her arms, looking self-conscious of her chest in the tight black dress. I have a spanking good view of Anna’s side profile. My gaze outlines the curve of her back down to her waist, landing on her round arse. A deep, intoxicating stir is triggered within me. Good thing this ruddy costume is roomy.

My thoughts sober and my pulse spikes when I realize she’s looking at me now, recognizing me. I don’t move. We stare for what feels like forever before she finally waves. I’m overcome with joy at this simple acknowledgment. I lift a paw and chuckle at Anna’s greenness. A girl I hadn’t noticed before grabs Anna’s hand and says something. I focus my hearing on them.

“—Who are you waving at?” the girl asks. She’s dressed like a provocative Minnie Mouse.

“Um, that big monkey,” Anna says. “I think he’s staring at us.”

Correction, dear. I’m only staring at you.

They both watch me expectantly, so I lift an arm and scratch the furry armpit, which makes them laugh. I think I recognize the girl as the one Anna was dancing with at that lake party ages ago. I still love thinking about how I stole her away from that wanker in the bedroom that night, and the look on his face. It’s one of my few prized memories.

Anna turns away from me and starts chewing on her nail. She’s not coming over, the stubborn thing, but I’m too greedy not to see her face-to-face while I can. I won’t talk to her for long. Just a moment. Just to get my fix. And then I can leave.

I walk to them and pull off the costume head, shaking out my sweat-dampened hair and sucking in the fresh night air. Both of the girls’ eyes widen. Minnie’s white polka dots temporarily cover over with a red aura. Anna frowns when she notices. The girl has a slight bump in the arch of her nose that gives her face a certain seductiveness, though she probably hates it. Girls are like that when it comes to their bodies.

I look at Jay and say, “Arrgh, matey.” He laughs and sticks out his hand for me to shake, which I do. Nice bloke.

“What’s up, man?” he says.

I throw a drummer joke at him, since he always likes to lay them on me.

“What’s the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?” I ask.

His grin is huge and his aura bright yellow. “I don’t know. What?”

“A savings bond matures and eventually makes money.”

He laughs and reaches out for another appreciative hand slap. When we turn to the girls, Minnie’s colors have settled back down.

“This is my friend Veronica,” Anna says in a level voice. “And this is Kaidan.”

“Oh, I’ve heard all about you,” Veronica tells me with a big, knowing smile. I raise my eyebrows with interest. Girl talk. Brilliant. I find nothing more amusing than eavesdropping on girls in conversation. They give blokes a hard time for things we say behind closed doors, but girls are just as bad.

I focus my attention on Anna now and decide I don’t like the green face paint. It covers over her freckle. And what is that blob on the end of her nose? A wart? Only Anna would try to make herself less attractive.

“Nice wart,” I say, then flick the dangling thing off. She gasps, and both her friends laugh.

“I told you it was stupid,” Veronica gloats.

But Anna’s a good sport. She rubs a finger over her nose to even the paint, going adorably cross-eyed in the process. I fight back a smile.

Anna and I lock eyes. I used to be uncomfortable under her gaze; the way it made me feel vulnerable. Now I welcome that feeling, even for a moment.

She crosses her arms and says, “Your hair’s grown a lot.”

“So has your bottom,” I respond without thinking.

Ah, shite. I know better than to make “growth” comments to girls, or anything indicative of size that could be deemed unflattering, but it just sort of slipped out. Her friends burst into laughter, and there isn’t enough paint in the world to hide the shock on Anna’s face.

“Dude, you can get away with anything,” Jay tells me.

“I meant it as a compliment,” I say honestly.

Veronica is still laughing when she grabs Jay by the hand and leads him away. He shoots me a serious look of warning as they go. I respect him even more for his protective feelings over Anna. Especially now that I know he’s never fancied her, which is insane to me.

I flick my head to the side to get the hair out of my eyes while Anna shifts, biting her lip and staring at the grass.

Say something, you git.

I haven’t a clue what to say, though. Should I apologize for the bum comment?

“My dad gave me a cell phone,” Anna says in that sweet voice of hers, looking up again. The green paint and night sky make her brown eyes even darker.

I pull my own mobile from the ape pocket and blow a piece of lint from it. When I raise my eyebrows she starts giving me her number, but the damned costume is not cooperating. Without asking, Anna takes the phone from me and programs her number. That small act of familiarity, as if she has every right to touch my things, makes me even hotter for her. I want to throw her over my shoulder and carry her into the woods to claim her.

Right. She’s staring at me in that way that makes it seem as if she can read my mind. I clear my throat.

“How did things go with your father and the training?” I ask.

“It went fine. I guess.” She answers quietly, crossing her arms again. “I know my drinking limits now and all that.”

I try to imagine Anna drinking. Is she a silly or a sad drunk? I kind of hope I’ll never find out.

Anna moves closer and my breath stops. “I understand what you mean now about the dangers of being together. I didn’t get it then, Kai, but I do now.”

I can’t breathe. She gives me her trademark look—the one that drains me of all strength and makes me want to give her anything she wants. I’m too weak. I turn toward the stage, where the music begins, and try to regain my momentum, but she keeps talking, moving closer.

“I know it’s risky to see each other, but we could talk on the phone when your father’s not around. If you want.”

If I want. She has no clue how much I want. But I can’t simply have a tiny slice of Anna. I’m no masochist. It has to be all or nothing, and “all” would ensure the death of us both.