I swing an arm behind her legs and a hand behind her waist, and I have her on her back before she can blink. I’m pressed heavily on top of her, and from the satisfied smile on her face, this is exactly what she wants.

“You win,” I say.

She doesn’t gloat. She simply reaches up and cups my face, running her fingers down my cheek and jawline. I lower my forehead to hers, overcome.

“This is right, Kai. We love each other.”

I close my eyes. Is our love enough to blot out my past? It’s always there, in my mind, a foul and murky swampland. How can Anna not feel it when she’s with me? She seems so certain this is right. And sword or no sword, this will at least keep her safe from Father for the time being.

“I’d do anything for you,” I say.

“Just love me.” She strokes my cheek again.

There’s so much I’ve never had the nerve to tell her. So much I should have said before now. She watches me intently.

“I need you to know this is different for me,” I manage. “I’ve never felt like this with someone.” I take a shaking breath. “I don’t just love you, Anna. I adore you.”

She kisses me, her hands traveling over my arms and shoulders until they’re at my face again and her eyes are on mine.

“Don’t look away from me,” I whisper. Her eyes will tell me if I’m hurting her.

She nods and whispers back, “Okay.”

“If you need to stop—”

“Kai. I’m not fragile.”

“Right.” She’s strong, I know that. I also know how to make her first time a very pleasant experience. I move my hips and nuzzle myself between her legs. She lets me. I watch her mouth open for a silent gasp of air when I circle my hips against her to make sure she’s ready.

And because I still feel like I haven’t said enough—because I need to prove just how momentous this is for me, I bash down the barriers I’ve kept up for eight years, unleashing my aura for Anna to see. I shiver as I bare myself, and I feel Anna holding me tighter. I want her to see my love, like I saw hers once upon a time.

“Oh . . . ,” she whispers. “It’s beautiful.”

I shake my head. Only one thing deserves that word. “You’re beautiful.”

She wraps her leg around me and I move my hips until I find her.

We arch, slowly, and Anna gasps. Her hands go around my lower back, holding me tight.

I move slowly. So slow.

Oh, dear God. It is killing me to go slow.

Her eyes shut and I stop. She opens them and nods. “I’m okay.”

I move again, slowly, gritting my teeth, watching her eyes. I move a bit more, ignoring my bastardly instincts not to be gentle. Her eyes flutter and a whimper escapes, but she quickly meets my eyes again and says, “Don’t stop.”

I fight for breath. Slow movements.

There. My hips are flush against hers and we’re both breathing heavily. She lets out a breathy sound of joy and I grin at her. My wife.

I kiss her. She keeps one hand on my back and the other in my hair as the kiss deepens. My hips begin a slow circular motion, grinding gently against her. Anna breaks the kiss to catch her breath and let out a moaning, “Oh, my gosh, Kai.”

Everything we’ve gone through has led to this moment.

For the first time in my life I make love, and my heart is full. And though I’ve been a man by society’s standards for a while now, this is the first time I’ve felt like one. I am Anna’s man. Her lover. Her husband. Her ally and friend.

Always.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Celebration Above

“The heart is a bloom, shoots up through the stony ground . . .

What you don’t know you can feel it somehow.”

—“Beautiful Day” by U2

I am immediately ready to go again when I wake in the middle of the night. I can’t remember the last time I slept so well. I reach for Anna in the darkness and bolt upright in the bed. She’s not there.

“Anna?”

It’s too quiet in the cabin. I leap from the bed and sprint to the bathroom, but she’s not in there, either. “Anna!” I wrench open the door to the outdoor shower—empty as well. I rush to the front door and realize I’m completely naked.

“Fuck!” I run back to the bedroom and flail through the clothing on the floor until I find a pair of shorts. My heart is banging in my throat. Did they take her while I slept?

I barrel through the front door barefooted and stare wildly around the darkened area. Forests. Road. No lights anywhere. I force myself to concentrate on my hearing, sending it out in a circle around me, slowly letting it extend outward, trying not to miss a single sound.

“Anna!” I call. I am fighting to breathe. “Anna!”

How could she disappear from under my nose? How could I let this happen?

I stop and stare toward the path that leads to the canyon. Yes. Footsteps. Maybe half a mile. The steps stop and it gets quiet. I take off running.

Jagged rocks and branches cut into my feet, but I can hardly feel their sting. My extended night vision is on high to make use of the tiny bit of moonlight. I still cannot sense anything up ahead. A minute later I think I hear a feminine giggle.

“Anna? Anna!” I race ahead faster now. Two seconds later I hear her call to me.

“Kai! It’s all right. I’m at the canyon!”

Christ Almighty, I’m about to have a heart attack. I’ve never run so fast. She sounds okay, but I have to see her for myself. I burst through the trees into a sudden open space and halt at the sight of a massive spirit, bright white. I nearly fall back, but Anna rushes to me.

“It’s okay,” she says, wrapping her arms around my heaving chest. I hold her, never taking my eyes off the exquisite spirit. It’s not Belial. It’s not a demon at all. Nor is it a warrior angel.

As Anna tugs me forward, I feel stranger and stranger the closer I get to it. This spirit doesn’t fill me with a sense of threat like the warrior angels from the summit. In fact, it’s as if this spirit has purified all the dark feelings from my soul, and I’m left only with love and happiness within.

The spirit watches me closely as Anna brings me to stand before it, and I’m astonished by the overpowering sense of peace that blankets me. Anna squeezes my hand and stops short at the cliff’s edge, never letting me go. She looks up at me. “Kaidan . . . this is my mother, Mariantha.”

My face snaps back to the angel, who levitates over the empty space with a contented smile. I have no words. Just . . . wow. Anna’s mother.

I lower my head and say, “It’s an honor to meet you.”

“It is I who am honored to meet the soul who loves my daughter more than any other.”

I am too full. Her words, the emotion she’s emitting, it all makes me want to inexplicably weep. I keep my head down and swallow.

“You have embraced life and the truth, Kaidan Rowe, and are now reaping the blessing.”

Yes. I raise my eyes to her and nod, then swallow again, overly grateful. I’m feeling like a boy next door, all wholesome and shit—er—stuff. I drop my eyes again.

“I must go,” Mariantha says. “Guard your love, for it will lead you through the darkness.”

I nod again and stand there stunned beyond belief as she and Anna say their good-byes. Then her mother’s spirit stretches its wide wings and flies away.

I search all around us, but nothing else is in sight. I take Anna’s hand and we race back down the path, eager to get out of the open. But I don’t feel any fear. The exalted feeling still swirls around inside me, making me want to laugh with unfathomable joy. Anna feels it, too, because a smile is on her lips as we run.