He crouched down to her height. ‘I’m so sorry, about all of this. I didn’t mean…’
‘I don’t want to talk about this now, not here when I’m stuffed in the wardrobe like a terrible mistake that you’re ashamed of. We can talk about this later.’
‘I’m sorry, I—’
‘Dad, Melissa isn’t answering, we can go out now if you want,’ Daisy called from her room and Henry quickly closed the wardrobe door again. He knew he was handling this terribly but he had no idea how to handle it in any other way.
‘OK, I’ll just grab my shoes and coat, give me a minute,’ he called. He turned back to the wardrobe and whispered through the door, not wanting to see the hurt and anger in Penny’s eyes again. ‘Give us five minutes and then you can escape.’
There was no answer from inside. As he grabbed his coat and left the room, he knew he would have a lot of making up to do.
Penny was beating the eggs so furiously in the bowl that splashes were hitting the worktops. Feeling somehow dirty after it had all ended that morning, she’d had a shower, walked Bernard and tried doing some sketches for future ice sculptures, but had failed spectacularly to do even the simplest of drawings. She couldn’t do any carving either because she was too angry for that. Cake making seemed to be her best bet, she couldn’t go too far wrong with that and couldn’t really injure herself too much like she could if she was carving.
She heard a car pull up outside, doors closing and the sounds of Henry and Daisy chatting as they walked round the side of the house.
She saw them walk past her back door and then Daisy scooted back and let herself in.
‘Hey, there you are, we didn’t see you this morning. We were going to ask you to come to the cinema with us, where were you?’
‘Out.’
Daisy hovered awkwardly, clearly sensing how angry she was and not knowing why. Penny took a deep breath. She refused to be angry at Daisy, none of this was her fault.
She looked up at her and saw Henry waiting outside.
‘Sorry, just had a bad morning. Did you enjoy the film?’
‘Yeah, some Christmas fiasco, families warring thing, it was very funny. Can we do some more carving later?’
‘Not today, honey, I’m going to be really busy. We can do some tomorrow though. I promise.’
Daisy seemed satisfied with this. ‘Dad said you had a wonderful date last night.’
‘It wasn’t a date,’ Penny said, adding the eggs to the cake mixture.
‘But…’
‘Daisy, come on, leave her alone,’ Henry said. ‘She just said she was really busy.’
‘OK, are you coming for dinner tonight?’
‘No, sorry love, I can’t.’
‘Tomorrow then?’
‘Maybe.’
Daisy left, obviously knowing something was wrong and she and Henry went back next door.
She added a splash of milk and gave it a good stir as the gentle murmur of voices continued next door. She heard the thunder of feet as Daisy went upstairs and a few moments later the connecting door opened.
She glanced up at Henry as he closed the door behind him.
‘I’m really sorry about the stuff I said, about shoving you in a cupboard. I handled it terribly and I’m really sorry.’
She slammed the spoon down. ‘And how should you have handled it?’
He had nothing to say. Eventually he spoke. ‘We agreed that we wouldn’t tell her.’
‘We agreed that we wouldn’t tell her unless it got serious between us. Last night it got pretty fucking serious. It was one of the best nights of my life and this morning you bundled me into a wardrobe like I was a shag that you regretted.’
‘What did you want me to do? Bring you downstairs dressed only in my t-shirt? That was not the way for her to find out.’
He was angry now and she didn’t think he had any right to be.
‘No, but you could have had a sensible conversation with her.’
‘How? She was standing outside my bedroom door and you were standing there in last night’s clothes and just-fucked hair. What could I have said, “Hey Daisy, I know me and Penny have only just met but last night we slept together and it was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.”’
Penny stared at him in shock and he moved round the table towards her. When he spoke his voice was softer. ‘Should I have told her that when I made love to you I could honestly see myself doing that every night for the rest of my life?’
She was horribly aware that she looked like a fish as her mouth moved but no words came out.
‘Come in the lounge and let’s talk.’
He waited for her and she led the way, sitting down on the sofa. He sat down next to her.
‘She’s happy here. She hasn’t been really happy for a long time. We’ve moved around a bit in recent years because of work and one reason or another. She was bullied at the last two schools. I’m not sure whether it was because she was the new girl or because sometimes she’s a bit shy. Teenagers are cruel and they just have to get a whiff of vulnerability and they attack like a pack of wolves. Having a mum who abandoned her a few weeks after her birth, well, that kind of stuff is like gold dust to a bully. Lots of kids come from single parent families but somehow it’s different that she was raised by her dad and not her mum. Your mum is supposed to be the one person that sticks by you through thick and thin. There were comments about her being an ugly baby and how no one wants her, even comments that she wasn’t mine because she’s so blonde and I’m so dark.’
Penny gasped. ‘Is that true, she might not be yours?’
Henry shrugged. ‘I don’t know and I don’t care. It didn’t occur to me at the time when she came to live with me, it was only later when she started school that a few of the other parents made snide comments about our differences. Her mum has dark hair too. But I’ve raised her ever since she was three months old; she’s mine even if she isn’t biologically.’
Penny stared at him, feeling her heart fit to burst with love for him.
‘It hurts her though, when the other children pick on that. Another layer of doubt to add to her abandonment worries. If I’m not her dad then why would I stay? It breaks my heart. I think the only saving grace through all the bullying was her relationship with Rosie, my ex. I think Daisy saw her as her only friend at the time and it really upset Daisy when I broke up with her. I tried to make it up to her by bringing Emily into our life. She was all sweetness and light to Daisy in front of me but behind my back she brought her down, stomped on her confidence, said some absolutely horrible things. She told her things I’d supposedly said about how Daisy had ruined my life and I regretted having her and that I wished Tina had had an abortion and that I didn’t think she was mine.’
‘No!’ Penny felt tears spring to her eyes. ‘How could anyone say that to a child?’
‘I don’t know. I would never even think those things, let alone say them. Jesus, every insecurity Daisy has ever had, Emily played up to every single one of them. I’m not sure if Daisy believed her at the time or whether she didn’t want to tell me because I was happy with Emily. I had no idea what was going on but Daisy ran away from home. She went off to school one day and never got there. She made her way down here instead, caught the train some of the way, walked a lot of it. Took her three days, she slept rough for two nights. It absolutely broke my heart. The police were out looking for her, it was horrible, the worst days of my life. I’m scared of it happening all over again. She got so lucky last time, no one found her or hurt her. She might not be so lucky if she runs away again. I promised her no one would ever come between us again. It’s harder because this is her home, and you’re part of it and I never want her to feel in the way in her own home.’
‘I understand.’
‘No, you don’t. Last night it did get serious between us – it wasn’t just sex, you know that. There was a connection there that I’ve never felt before. But this is all happening way faster than any of us could have imagined. She specifically asked me not to date you and I went ahead and did it anyway and I really don’t want to upset her when she’s smiling again for the first time this year. I just need to give her some time to get used to the idea. If you come round for dinner most nights, come out with us, she will get used to having you as part of our life, she will see how good we are together and trust that I’m not going to hurt you and then I can introduce the idea of us seeing each other. After last time with Emily and Rosie, I just want to tread carefully with Daisy this time.’