“You’re sweet.” I smiled at him. “But I want to look perfect. I want everyone to notice me.”

“There’s no such thing as perfect,” Jeff replied, shaking his head. “You’ll make yourself crazy that way. That’s a path you don’t want to go down. Trust me—you’ll never be satisfied. You’ll wind up with an eating disorder or juicing or something equally awful.”

“Easy for you to say,” I replied, pulling the blue shirt over my head and tossing it back on the bed. “It’s effortless for you—for both of you.”

“Effortless?” They looked at each other and laughed.

“Girl, you have no idea how much work I have to put into looking this fabulous,” Blair replied. “And it’s a neverending struggle.” He patted his flat stomach. “I gained so much weight in Europe over the break.”

“You’re not the only one,” Jeff added. “I never should have let you talk me into going to Italy for that weekend. All that pasta!” He groaned. “I’ll never be able to get back on the bar again if I don’t get my definition back.”

“Yeah, right.” I rolled my eyes. The gods had gifted Jeff with a perfect body. “Stop fishing for compliments. You both look flawless, and what’s more, you always do.” I frowned at myself in the mirror. “You’re sure these jeans don’t make me look fat?”

“Stop freaking out so much.” Jeff walked up to me and put his arm around me. “The point is, Jordy, we are all our own worst critics.” He squeezed me. “We don’t see ourselves the way others do.” With his free hand, he reached down and pinched his waist. “See?”

“There’s nothing there, Jeff,” I replied, grabbing my own waist. “Look at this disgusting flab.”

“Stop it, Jordy,” Blair commanded. “For one thing, that’s just extra skin from losing weight so fast. For another, those jeans look great on you and you know it. As for you, Jeff—there’s not an extra ounce of fat anywhere on your body.”

“And I know that.” Jeff nodded, frowning down at the little bit of skin pinched between his fingers. “But no matter how many times I tell myself, I can’t get it out of my head that it’s fat.”

“That’s crazy,” I replied. “You get up on a bar and dance in a thong, Jeff. People ogle you and give you money because you’re hot.”

“No crazier than you’re being right now.” Blair came up on the other side of me. “You look fantastic in everything you’ve shown us. I don’t think there’s anything you could wear that would look bad on you. But”—he gestured to the bed—“if I had to choose something, I’d wear that tight red shirt with the low-rise jeans. You look great in red. It’s a good color for you. It also makes your shoulders and pecs look huge. And those jeans really show off your ass.” He smacked my ass to emphasize his point and laughed. “You know your ass is hard as a rock, right?”

“I love you guys,” I said, my lower lip trembling and my eyes filling with tears. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve two friends like you.”

“Aww.” They enveloped me in a big hug.

“Now get dressed and let’s get going,” Blair instructed.

So I put on the red shirt and the low-rise jeans, smoked a joint with them in the car on the way to the house, and now stood in the parking lot, looking at the house. They’d already gone in, and still I stood there summoning up the nerve. I could hear Lady Gaga blaring from the party room. The backyard was filling up with people drinking and laughing. I bit my lower lip. My stomach was churning. You’re being stupid. Remember how people react to you at Fusions. Everyone at the house is going to be blown away by how you look now.

But the only person whose opinion mattered was Chad.

You’re beautiful now. His jaw is going to drop, and he is going to want you. He’s going to take you up to his room, and undress you, and you’re going to finally get to fuck that gorgeous ass. You’ve had plenty of practice. You’ve learned how to drive a bottom crazy with pleasure. Chad is going to have his mind blown, and he won’t be able to get enough of you, and he is going to love you—didn’t he say the only thing wrong with you was your body? And you’ve taken care of that. You’re perfect for him now.

I lifted my chin. “Come on, Jordy, let’s go party.”

I walked up the sidewalk to the back door. I paused at the door and took one more deep breath, and walked through the door.

“Wow!” Jacob Hinton did a double take as I walked up to the keg. “Dude, you look amazing!”

I laughed and grabbed a cup. “Thanks. You look great, too.” I started filling my cup with beer. I had just lifted it to my mouth when someone smacked my ass. I looked over my shoulder at Jon Preston. “Christmas sure agreed with you,” he said, as he looked me up and down. “What the hell happened to you?”

“I just decided to start taking better care of myself, is all.” I sipped my beer. The buzz from the joint I’d smoked with Blair and Jeff was starting to wear off a bit. I couldn’t help but smile to myself. The reactions from the brothers were everything I could have hoped for, and with each compliment my confidence grew. I got another beer and felt myself starting to relax. Some of the gay brothers were checking me out, which was incredible. Jacob and Jon both flirted with me, and I flirted right back with them. I kept an eye out for Chad but didn’t see him anywhere. I danced and got a third beer. I was developing a taste for it, even though it wasn’t on my diet. The hell with it, I thought. I’ll just do another half hour on the elliptical tomorrow and that’ll take care of it.

I finished that beer and headed down the first-floor hall to the bathroom. Chad’s door was closed, and I noticed the lights were off. I wondered where he was as I pushed my way through the saloon doors—

—and ran into Roger.

“Jordy!” His face lit up with a broad smile. He looked me up and down. “You look—I mean, wow, you look amazing.”

My heart sank and my face flushed. He was the last person I wanted to run into. “Thanks,” I replied, stepping up to a urinal. I unzipped my pants, hoping he’d leave.

He didn’t. He turned to a sink and started washing his hands. I finished and zipped up my pants. “You want to smoke a joint?”

I considered it for a moment. I was getting a good buzz from the beer, but the high I’d enjoyed earlier was gone. What the hell, I thought. I’m not going to let anything happen with him, anyway. “Sure.” I smiled at him. “That would be nice.”

We went to his room and he locked the door behind us. I sat down at his desk chair while he rolled one. “I called you a few times, but you never called me back,” he said, lighting it and passing it to me. “Why? Are you avoiding me?”

“Um, I was busy.” I inhaled deeply.

He blinked slowly. “I wanted to apologize to you,” he said. “And you don’t have to worry about me trying anything again.” He held up both hands.

“You don’t need to apologize to me.” I felt bad. He’d thought I was avoiding him because I was mad at him. I hadn’t even given Hell Night a second thought. “I could have stopped it from happening.” And for God’s sake, it was just a fucking blow job.

“What happened between us on Hell Night was a mistake.” He took the joint back from me. “I don’t want you to feel awkward about it. It was totally my fault. And I’m sorry.” He took a big hit, blowing the smoke out with a smile. “You’re my little brother, and I want us to be friends. Just friends, Jordy. You don’t have to worry about—”

“Oh, Roger, don’t feel bad about it. It just happened.” I shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“No, I feel bad because I took advantage of you. You were drunk and upset about Chad, and I—”

I started laughing. “Let’s just forget about it, okay, Roger? Really, it’s okay.” Impulsively I gave him a hug—which he held on to for just a moment too long. I pulled back and smiled at him. “Speaking of Chad, where is he? I haven’t seen him at the party, and his lights are off.”