It was a good feeling.

I shook my head, wondering at how worked up I’d been the night before. At first, I hadn’t been able to fall asleep—which wasn’t a surprise. As I’d lain there in bed, staring at the ceiling, with Brandon’s smell still clinging to my sheets, I ticked off on my fingers everything that had gone wrong: a video of me messing around with Jay in the steam room at the gym circulating on the Internet, Jay getting fired, and apparently my fledgling relationship with Dante was over before it could begin. It was pretty safe to assume that Dante may have seen the video. It was also safe to assume that Rees had told Chad about Dante and me.

Chad, Chad, Chad—it always came back to Chad, didn’t it?

How could I have ever thought I was in love with him? I’d sighed, resisting the urge to pound my head against the wall. I’d ignored the truth about him from the very beginning because I was so fucking attracted to him, overlooking his cruelties and bitchy little remarks. But in fairness, he’d played me. The question was, why? Brandon said it was because of the money, but that didn’t make any sense to me. He’d never asked me for money. When we went out, we took turns buying drinks. When we went out to eat, we took turns paying. I’d been very careful to not make the difference in our financial situations apparent. Maybe that was it—maybe Chad had expected me to pay for everything and he resented that I didn’t? But that didn’t make any sense, either.

I’d kept tossing and turning, watching shadows from the moon dancing on the ceiling. You’ll never know what his motivations were, I had finally told myself, and ultimately, it doesn’t matter. You never did anything to him to justify what he’s done. And it was one thing when he was just pulling shit on you—but he got Jay fired, and that’s unforgivable. Jay never did anything to him. He didn’t even know Jay.

And yes, we shouldn’t have done it in the steam room. It was the first time I’d ever done anything like that, and maybe Jay did make it a habit—which logically meant he should have been fired.

But making a video of us and circulating it on the Web? That was bullshit—utter and complete bullshit. Maybe it seemed funny at the time, but that kind of shit could haunt someone for the rest of his life. That, I think, was what made me the angriest. It didn’t hurt me in the long run. I was never going to have to worry about getting a job, and I certainly had no plans to ever run for public office.

But Jay was a personal trainer, and what gym would hire him knowing he had blown a client in the last gym where he worked? And even if they didn’t know and hired him, he’d always have to worry it might turn up sometime.

Jay was a great guy. He’d turned me from an out-of-shape nerd boy into someone who turned heads whenever he walked into a gay bar. He’d always been nice to me, except for that last training session when he’d been so distant and cold—and maybe that was because he already knew about the video.

Chad has to pay, I’d thought, closing my eyes, and tomorrow morning you can figure it all out. It was one thing to come after me, but destroying other people to get at me? No, that couldn’t go unpunished. And you know exactly what to do, and how to do it.

And with that enormously satisfying thought, I had been able to fall asleep.

I took a shower and then took my coffee out onto the balcony. I sat down on the wicker love seat and closed my eyes for a moment. It was very peaceful out there, and my mind flashed back to Dante’s backyard. I need to get some wind chimes here, I thought with a pang. My heart hurt at the thought of Dante. I really liked him. It could have led to something special. You’re getting ahead of yourself, I thought. Just because he didn’t want you to come over last night and canceled Sunday doesn’t mean anything. Something else may have come up, and the timing with all the rest of this bullshit was just bad. As much as I wanted to believe that, I knew.

I smiled. Poor, stupid Chad was about to get it between the eyes—so enjoy your little triumph while you still can, you fucking bitch.

I wasn’t going to have my gym membership suspended, and I knew I could get Jay’s job back. I picked up my cell phone and made the call to get the ball rolling. “As soon as possible,” I instructed. “Preferably today. I’ll be waiting for your call.” I smiled as I disconnected the call. I stroked my chin with the edge of my phone.

Money, indeed, was power.

And that was it for the video. Who fucking cared if it went viral on the Internet? So what? It was just two sweaty guys in a steam room going down on each other. Big fucking deal. The picture quality wasn’t that great, and in fact, you could barely tell it was me and Jay. The only people it would be of interest to would be people we knew. I sent Jay another text: Jay, I’m taking care of everything. I will call you later once everything is fixed. Don’t worry. Hope you’re okay. Jordy.

I got a second cup of coffee and was just sitting back down when my phone chirped. I clicked on the message from Jay: Hey man, sorry about everything, this whole mess is my fault and I need to own up to it. I’m freaked out and don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m sure I’ll come up with something.

I shook my head and texted back: Just sit tight, babe. I’m handling everything.

My phone chirped again while I was answering him. I clicked on the new message and smiled. It was from Brandon: Thanks again for last night. Man, that was some hot sex! And thanks for the paper. I just e-mailed it in.

Another piece fell into place—one I hoped I wouldn’t have to use.

I did like Brandon—and he’d told me the truth about Chad.

But if I had to, I would.

I called Dante, but he didn’t pick up. “Dante, hey, this is Jordy, can you give me a call when you get a moment? We need to talk.” I ended the call and sat there, watching the pool. There was someone lying out there on one of the reclining deck chairs, and I thought it might be Jeff, but I couldn’t tell for sure. Blair’s car wasn’t in the parking lot. It was calm and peaceful on the balcony. There was a nice cool breeze blowing, the sun was shining, and the sky was blue. I appreciated the solitude—Dante was right. Having a place you could go and be peaceful was helpful. Definitely need to get some wind chimes, I thought again. I felt another pang about him. But maybe it wasn’t too late to rescue that—and I reminded myself there was a slight chance Dante hadn’t seen the video.

I stood up and stretched. But if that’s what it is—if Dante saw the video and wants nothing to do with you now—then he wasn’t who you thought he was in the first place, and do you want to have a relationship with someone that judgmental?

Definitely food for thought there.

I got another cup of coffee and sat down at my computer. I wanted to watch the video again, just to be on the safe side. I needed to know a few things before I made my next call.

This time, I clicked the video player to full-screen mode. When it started playing, I watched carefully. Something had bothered me when I watched it the first time, but I’d be unable to put my finger on what it was. That was partly, I now realized, because I’d been in so much shock I hadn’t been able to think clearly—to think anything besides oh, my God. But now, as it started, I was able to put my finger on exactly what had bothered me the first time I’d viewed it.

I distinctly remembered that the outer glass wall of the steam room, looking out into the shower area, had been fogged up. I hadn’t been able to see through it. When I’d been sitting in there, I had no idea Jay was even out there until he opened the door and walked inside. So how had someone in the locker room seen what we were doing, let alone been able to tape it? The girl at the front desk had said someone had seen us from the locker room.