“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m not trying to say anything. I’m saying it. I think I’m being exceptionally lucid,” Kendra said. “That’s why I’ve been sitting up here trying to talk myself out of being so damn logical. I don’t want to be right this time.” She paused. “But I am right, Jane.” She put her cup down on the coffee table. “And that means I’m no longer an asset to the hunt, I’m a liability.” She got to her feet. “If we believe Doane and Eve are dead, then there would be no use for me to still be here. The fact that I remain after the memorial service would automatically set off alarm bells if we’re still being watched.”

“But Blick is dead, and he was the one doing surveillance. We don’t need to be quite as careful now.”

“Don’t we? I’m not so certain.” She moved over to her duffel that was sitting by the front door. “There are too many unknowns in the equation. Doane may have been playing a different game than the one we were told by Venable. Different games have different board pieces. If Doane took out one piece, that might mean he made room for another.” She unzipped her duffel and drew out a tattered journal. “And this might be the prize for winning the game.”

Jane sat up straight on the couch. “What’s that supposed to be?”

“It’s Kevin’s journal, which Margaret and I found in a hiding place in Doane’s house in Goldfork, Colorado. We were trying to find some clue to where Doane might have taken Eve or, at least, anything to do with that disk that his son might have given him to use as blackmail to get the CIA to give him witness protection. No disk. Just this journal. I’ve gone through it several times, and I couldn’t find anything that was more dangerous than the sick ravings of a mad pervert. But it was hidden, and that alone must mean that it has value to Doane.” She paused. “And we were told that everyone was looking for the disk that had revealed names of embedded CIA agents in Pakistan. As I said, no one found that disk. Which makes me wonder if it actually existed.”

“Venable said that it existed. He should know.”

“Yes, he should.” She moved back across the room. “Venable has been our source for most of Kevin’s past history and what went on during that period in Pakistan.”

Jane’s gaze was focused on the journal in Kendra’s hand. “You haven’t told Venable about this, have you? You told me before that you have some doubts about him.”

“Do I think that he’s one of the bad guys in this scenario? No, I’d never have let Quinn tell him that Eve and Doane were still alive if I’d thought that was a possibility. It was safe to turn him loose to try to locate Eve and Doane. We needed someone with his power and connections who could move discreetly behind the scenes. But I think that Venable’s one of those people who balance what he considers the good of many against the good of one. I’ve run into agents like him before.”

“I’ve always trusted Venable. But it scared me when I saw Venable’s attack team swarming down the mountain and firing on that saloon. He swears none of his team’s bullets caused that explosion.”

“I believe him. I think that Doane staged it and blew it himself. But that doesn’t mean that Venable couldn’t have been responsible. He took a risk.” She added deliberately, “And I don’t think he did it for Eve’s sake. He wanted to get Doane. It would be interesting to know what orders he gave his men. Kill or capture?”

“So are you going to confront him with that question?”

“No, he’d only sidestep.” She shrugged. “Besides, I’m out of it.” She thrust the journal at Jane. “It’s your decision now.”

Jane’s eyes widened. “What?”

“You heard me. I’m a liability. I was deliberately brought in to find Eve. I can’t stay here. I’m going home to San Diego. I’m going back to my teaching job.”

“You’re giving up trying to find—”

“No, dammit.” She drew a deep breath. “But it’s got to look that way. I can’t be on the scene. It has to look as if I gave up on the search because I thought Eve was dead. I’ll still do what I can. I’ll try to figure out what’s going on with this journal, and you can send me anything that—” Her hands were clenched. “It’s not enough. I hate it. It’s going to drive me crazy. But this isn’t about me. We may have only a small window of surprise with Doane, and I can’t smash it because I want to be involved.” She added fiercely, “But if there’s something I can do that won’t hurt the chances of keeping Eve alive, you call me, tell me.”

Jane was recovering from the shock, and she felt a surge of sympathy for Kendra. “That goes without question.” She smiled sadly. “I know how it feels to be forced out of the action and not being able to help. Those days in the hospital were terrible.” She glanced down at the journal. “My decision, you said. Why are you giving it to me?”

“Because, other than Joe Quinn, you care the most for Eve. It’s intensely personal with you, and you’ll fight to the death to get her back. You don’t have to strike a balance like Venable. There is no other answer for you.”

“That’s right, there isn’t.” She touched the cover. “You’re not asking me to keep it from Venable.”

“Your decision. I’ve made a copy of my own. I’ve told you my opinion, but you’re going to be on the ground running, and I’m going to be in San Diego. I’m only asking you to think long and hard about it.”

“I’ve already thought about it. I’ll show it to Joe, and we’ll discuss it, but Venable isn’t going to get it until his motivations are a hell of a lot more clear.”

“That’s a relief. Look, Catherine Ling is here. If you need someone of CIA caliber, I think you can trust her to look out for Eve and nothing else.” She made a face. “There I go again, trying to run the show. You don’t know how hard it was for me to give up control.”

“I think I do,” she said quietly. “I’ve learned a lot about you since you came to search for Eve.” She paused. “And all I’ve learned is good, Kendra.”

“Naturally, at least, in my areas of expertise.”

“That wasn’t what I was talking about. You have a good heart. I trust you.”

“And that’s a true honor,” Kendra said. “I’ve noticed that your trust is pretty well limited to Quinn and Eve.”

Jane lifted her shoulders in a half shrug. “It comes from being a street kid. I was in a dozen foster homes before Eve took me into her life. Everything would seem to go well for a while, then suddenly I’d be sent back to DEFACS. Or maybe it wouldn’t go so well, and I’d purposely do something that would make them kick me out. Either way, it wasn’t a lifestyle to inspire trust.”

“Even with Mark Trevor?” Kendra asked. “I’ve only gotten to know him during the days he’s been here after Colorado, but I’d say that he’s worth taking a chance on.” She smiled. “Besides being fantastically good-looking and totally charming. Quinn told me that he was your lover but that you broke up a year or so ago.” She held up her hand. “Forget I asked. It’s none of my business. It’s just my nature to probe into everything around me. Give me an inch, and I’ll take a mile.”

“I don’t mind,” Jane said. “Not from you. Trevor is all of those things. He was my first love, and he made me dizzy from the moment I met him.”

“But you couldn’t commit,” Kendra guessed. “And you walked away.”

“Something like that.”

“Okay, I’ve pried enough. I’ve just always found you a fascinating blend of wariness and emotion and wanted to know what made you tick.” She tilted her head. “You notice I didn’t mention Seth Caleb.”

Jane found herself unconsciously tensing.

“Because I knew you’d react like that,” Kendra said softly. “He wasn’t one who I’d want to bring into a discussion on trust. That’s not part of your relationship. You try to keep from looking at him whenever he’s in the room. I found that very odd until I noticed just how you connected. Very sensual. Very disturbing. Very complicated. No trust.” She smiled. “Much too complicated for me to try to analyze. I believe you’re having trouble with that yourself. You might try to resolve it as soon as possible. I had to bring it up since Caleb appears to be very much a factor in your life at the moment, and everything that affects the search for Eve is important.”