When I arrived at Beans about ten minutes later, I was instructed by the young girl behind the counter to sit and wait for the manager. I took a seat by the window in a plush red chair and looked around. Some things had changed since I’d last been in there, but for the most part it was still the same. The aroma inside was intoxicating; wonderful, deep roasted coffee. The kind that when you smell it you want to take in a deep breath and say ‘ahhh’ as you exhale. The atmosphere had a calming effect. It made you want to sit in one of the many comfortable couches and chairs and bust out a book or a laptop. Every spot to sit was strategically placed as to allow privacy while chatting it up with friends, reading, or simply relaxing while sipping a latte. Outside there were a couple of metal tables with chairs for those that wanted to enjoy their drink while sitting in the warm sun.

The manager came out from the back and approached me with a warm smile and a handshake. “Hi, you must be Emilyn. I’m Rose, the owner here at Beans. Sorry to keep you waiting, I was placing an order for more supplies.”

Rose looked to be about forty, and had small laughter lines around her mouth. She was small in stature with short black hair, and eyes that looked almost black. She wore a long, colorful, bohemian-type skirt and a white puffy shirt that showcased a beautiful large silver pendant necklace. She was just what I’d pictured the owner to look like. After a few short seconds of looking her over and feeling more at ease, I replied “Yes I am and it’s no problem, I haven’t been waiting long.”

She looked down at my application, scanning through it. Taking her red-rimmed glasses off her face, she started her questions. “So I see that you haven’t worked in quite a while. What have you been doing the past few years?”

“Well, I’ve actually been living in Chicago for the past seven years with my husband. We recently decided to separate so I moved back home.” I sat up a bit straighter, feeling uncomfortable about sharing my personal life with a stranger. “But when I was in Chicago I stayed at home because that’s what my husband wanted.”

“Oh, you were married to one of those men?” She gave me a knowing nod.

“Umm…I’m not quite sure what you mean?”

“I’m talking about the type that expects you to be the perfect Suzy Homemaker, while he goes out and earns all the money like the big man that he thinks he is. Yeah, I was married to one of those too. Left his ass as fast as I could and showed him just what kind of woman he actually married by opening up this place.” She was grinning at me now.

Unsure of what to say to all of that, I smiled back at her and gave her a face that said ‘don’t you have anymore questions to ask me besides talking about my upcoming divorce’?

Rose was clearly a bright woman because she picked up on my unease and quickly moved on. “Do you have any experience in a coffee house, or customer service?”

“Not in a coffee shop, no. But I did deal with my father’s clients that came in and out of his law firm. It was a while ago, but I’m very good with people.”

“Okay, I’m going to give you the position.”

I stared at her with a confused expression. “You’re giving me the job?”

“Yes. The job is yours if you want it. When do you think you can start?”

Completely taken aback by this news, I was rendered speechless. I’d barely even told her anything about myself. I hadn’t worked in years, I had no experience, and yet she was offering me the position. “Oh, umm…I can start right away, as soon as you need me.”

“Can you start tomorrow? We can get you started training on the espresso machine and working the cash register. How about nine? That way our morning rush is over and we can take our time so you won’t feel overwhelmed.”

“Wow, yes, thank you so much! I’ll be here at nine.” I stood up when Rose did and reached out to shake her hand again. I was grinning ear to ear. I’d seen on the news how the job market was not the greatest so I hadn’t expected it to be so easy. Although I had a feeling she only hired me because she thought we had something in common with bad ex-husbands, a job is a job and so I accepted it for what it was and began to get excited about this new prospect.

Rose walked away in to the back room and I made my way from Beans to the doctor’s office. My mind was all over the place. I knew this job wouldn’t pay all the bills and it certainly wasn’t what I saw myself doing in the long term, but it was a start. I knew I could keep living with Harper but I’d have to insist on paying for things; even if it was just buying the groceries or paying the electric bill. I knew she’d fight on it but I wouldn’t have it any other way; even if I had to threaten to move out. I knew she loved me and was trying to be a good friend but I couldn’t learn to stand on my own two feet if she wouldn’t let me.

I had an appointment with my lawyer this week as well. He wanted to go over what assets I wanted to request in the divorce settlement. I’d planned on asking for my car to be sent down to me, but I found out that Julia had been driving it and so I no longer wanted it. In fact I didn’t want anything except for Weston’s signature on the bottom of the forms. He could keep the alimony, the house, the furniture, all of it. I just needed it to be done with. Talking with my lawyer about things I shared with West had been hard. It was a reminder of how I’d failed. Thankfully all the documents would be filed and the divorce would be settled in two weeks. I could move on and no longer have daily reminders of what I’d lost.

I made it to Dr. Monroe’s office ten minutes before my appointment, giving me time to fill out the necessary papers and provide them with a brief rundown of my medical history. After I gave them a urine sample they drew my blood, took my vitals, and put me in a room with a medical exam table. I sat down on the paper that covered the table, looking about the room. It was all pretty standard. Jars filled with tongue depressors, cotton balls, and q-tips sitting on a counter by a sink. Winnie the Pooh characters covered one of the walls to help keep little kids occupied.

I’d only been sitting for five minutes when the doctor knocked and came in. He was an older man, short in stature, with pure white hair. He had a very friendly face and when he smiled I could see he had a slight gap between his teeth. He was holding what I assumed to be my records. After introducing himself, he began sorting through some papers and began asking with some basic questions.

“You’re here for STD testing, is that correct?” He stood and came to listen to my heart and lungs with his stethoscope. I took a deep breath, because well, wasn’t that what everyone did when someone puts a stethoscope on your chest?

“Yes that’s correct.”

“I know this may sound intrusive, but do you have more than one sexual partner?”

“No sir.” He helped me lie down so he could palpitate my stomach and listen to the sounds as well.

“Hmmm… okay. Well I have your preliminary test results.” He turned to take a seat on his rolling stool.

Oh thank god! I was going to get answers. He startled me by asking me “When was the first day of your last period Emilyn?”

Unsure I started thinking back. Why was he asking me that question? “I think it was about four weeks ago. I haven’t had a period yet but I just assumed it was because I’m a little stressed out and have a lot going on.” I started biting at my lip, a habit I had when I was feeling nervous.

“Well, I see that you checked the box that you are married, maybe you should call your husband in to hear this news.” He was looking at me with curiosity and I had no idea why.

“Actually I am in the middle of a divorce, which is why I’m here getting tested. I need to know that whoever he was with was clean.” His eyes grew wide, but he quickly pieced together what I was telling him. Then something occurred to me. “Oh my god, did you find something in those tests? Do I have a lump somewhere? Am I dying?” I was panicking! I was too young for cancer. But that’s what everyone that gets cancer says. They never thought it would happen to them. Feeling myself beginning to panic attack I said with a shaky voice, “What did you find? I don’t need anybody here with me, please just tell me.”