She asked me to sit down and I almost said no, because I didn’t want to disappoint her. My mind thought of excuses—had to be somewhere, was late for some thing—immediately, without my consent. I was afraid of her, and of what she represented. But I did sit down.

We made small talk and drank coffee, normal conversation between normal people. She kept asking about Suzanne, and I kept remembering she existed.

27

The weather began to cool. It was only August, but already I could feel the season change; summer was holding on, but its days were numbered. I needed long sleeves in the evenings. One by one, slowly, leaves began to change colors.

The runs continued. I once considered quitting. Just telling Vince thanks, but I was done. Wasn’t for me. I could bartend again or get another hourly job as I figured things out. I mapped out the whole conversation mentally. He would understand. But the money was good and I struggled to find a tangible reason to quit. I only had the feeling of unrest in the pit of my stomach, and that wasn’t enough. I couldn’t justify throwing away a good paying job on a premonition.

On the way to Grand Junction, Damon asked me about my meeting.

“Didn’t know you knew about that,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said, steering us along I-70, “small community we got.”

I sighed. “So what do you want to know?”

He shrugged. “You don’t gotta tell me anything. I’m just curious, I guess. How it went down, and all.”

“Let me ask you something,” I said. “Is that a normal thing? Him calling us guys up to his place, back to his office, just for chats?”

He thought about it. “Certainly happens from time to time. Wouldn’t say it’s standard operating procedure.”

I sat silent for a few moments and digested the information. Vince had said it was normal. Just a chat with an employee, to check in. Something he did all the time.

“It was weird,” I finally said. “It was like he was on edge or something. I sure as hell was. But there wasn’t even a point to the meeting, really. It was like he just called me up there to ask me if there was anything I wanted to ask him.”

“He asked you if there was anything you wanted to ask him?”

“Yeah.”

“And that was it?”

“Sort of, but not really,” I said. “Not sure I know the guy well enough to read him or anything, but there was something else going on. It was like there was something he was waiting for me to ask. Like he expected a certain question.”

The car was silent, except for the steady drone of a radio turned down low.

“Did you ask him anything?” Damon asked.

“Yeah. Well, not right away. It seemed like he was tricking me or something, so I didn’t want to. But he kept pushing. So I just asked about the cargo. What it is we’re actually hauling.”

“And?”

“At first he didn’t answer. He just gave me this lecture about staying focused on the things you need to know. But then, right before I left, he told me.”

“And?”

“Electronics,” I said. “That’s what he told me. All different kinds. But I’m sure you knew that.”

He shook his head. “Nope. Woulda guessed something else, to be honest.”

“No way,” I said. “You didn’t know? And you’ve been doing this for how long?”

“No man. That thing you said about minding your business—that’s how it works.”

I looked at him and lowered my voice. “You’ve never…looked?”

“Looked?”

“Yeah. Taken a peek in the trunk.”

“God no,” he said. “No, sure wouldn’t think ‘a doin’ that. That’s askin’ for trouble right there.”

I shook my head. “I think you’re a little dramatic. It’s not like we’re involved in some cult.”

“Course not. That just isn’t our business though. This is a good job I’d like to keep. Followin’ directions has worked for me so far.”

“And you don’t care why he’s so secretive.”

“Not really,” he said. “But man, he just told you. You asked and he told you what you were haulin’. So it’s not even a secret.”

“Right,” I said.

“So there. Case closed. We can get on with it.”

We could see the lights of Grand Junction now. The highway pitched down and turned right.

“Just doesn’t feel right,” I said. “Something about it.”

“Well, if it helps, I can tell ya’ I’ve been doin this for a long time, and never had one problem. Not one. You keep your head down and do the work, you’ll be fine. It’s a good gig, ain’t it?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

We sat in silence while he drove down the long hill and approached the edge of town. The night sky was cloudy. There were no stars or moon.

“How’s the girl of yours?” I asked.

“Ah,” he said, “’fraid that didn’t work out.”

“Already? Bummer.”

He shrugged. “Way it goes.”

He drove us through town and to the drop spot. I had the route memorized at that point, and could have driven us there with my eyes closed. Always the same exit, always the same turns, always the same industrial lot. We parked and before getting out, he turned to face me.

“Listen, man,” he said. “All these questions and stuff. Just be careful with all that.”

“This is what I’m talking about. What’s with the paranoia?”

“Not paranoia. Nothin’ like that. It’s just, I like you. I like drivin’ to the runs with you, talkin’ in the car, all that. You’re a good dude. I wouldn’t want to see ya get booted just because you got a wild imagination, ya know?”

“Yeah,” I said, “I get it.”

We both exited the car and went opposite directions. Him to a GMC Yukon, me to a Ford F-150 truck with a bed cover. I stopped behind the truck and looked at the sealed cargo area. Glancing across the parking lot, I saw Damon standing outside his vehicle, looking at me. I gave him a thumbs-up and got in the driver’s seat.

28

“Speak to me, Julian. Speak to me honestly.”

“I am.”

“You are not. I can feel your insincerity. I don’t fault you for it. But it’s there.”

“It’s not.”

“Tell me, my dear. What is it?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Do you take me for a fool? Do you think I don’t see the way you’ve changed? You’re distant. You’ve withdrawn.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Is it me?”

“Of course not.”

“Is it something I’ve done? Should I give you more space?”

“It’s not…it’s fine. Nothing’s wrong, Suz, okay?”

“I told you not to call me that.”

“I’m sorry. Suzanne. Nothing’s wrong.”

“You do take me for a fool.”

“I don’t.”

“I can handle you withdrawing. I don’t like it, but I can handle it. But I cannot handle a man in my life considering me a fool. I am not a fool, Julian.”

“I know you aren’t. Listen…I’m just trying to figure it all out. Everything happened so fast, you know? It wasn’t long ago I was married, living in New York. My life changed. It’s hard to deal with.”

“Are you unhappy?”

“No. I wouldn’t say that. It’s just a lot to take in. A lot to think about. Maybe I need a little time to adjust.”

“You need space.”

“I…maybe. A little. Just for a little while.”

“Very well. I don’t like it, but very well.”

“It’s not a bad thing.”

“Again, a fool. I’m beginning to wonder how you’ve thought of me this whole time.”

“Don’t be silly. I adore you.”

“Possibly. But I know what this is. This idea of space is only a precursor to the end.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“Perhaps. But we both know it. At least I admit it.”

“We don’t. Stop it, Suzanne. I care about you. I just need some space.”