Ah shit. I dropped to my knees. Just, shit.

Chapter Twenty

1518 hours

While the others gathered supplies we could load onto the bus and stacked it by the door in the rear of the kitchen, I sat on a table in the cafeteria and just stared at the things on the opposite side of the glass. Dave didn’t think it was a good idea. The screaming that came from the kitchen the last few hours had stirred the zombies into a frenzy. I didn’t notice any cracks in the glass, but didn’t think it made much difference. If those things wanted in badly enough, they’d break through the doors. They just didn’t seem to realize that yet. Yet!

I was done underestimating the things. For whatever reason, they were getting smarter. They were learning.

Or remembering. Or, was it plausible to suspect…getting better?

“Can I sit with you?”

I turned away from the grotesque and animated death that faced me and smiled. “Of course, you can.”

Charlene sat on the table next to me. “How do we keep doing this? I miss my mother and Cash. My God, how I miss him.”

I laid an arm around her. She snuggled in close. “I miss him, too.”

It felt like weeks, months, but it had only been days since his death.

She cried. Hard. Her shoulders shook. “It’s going to be okay,” I said.

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault,” she said.

I wanted to look her in the eyes. I moved away from the embrace, and lowered my head so that we were at eye level. “What are you talking about, honey? None of this is your fault. None of it.”

“You left me in charge of Cash. He was shot while he was with me,” she said. It took her a while to get it out. Her sobbing made it difficult to talk.

“We’ve talked about this, Charlene. You know we have. That was not your fault. And Allison was with you. Others were with you. There was a gunfight, and he got caught up in the crossfire. That is not something you can blame yourself for. You have to know that. I need you to understand that,” I said. I spoke sternly, but with a soft tone of voice. I didn’t want her to misconstrue the words I said by how I said them.

“And Allison,” she said, without pausing, without letting anything I’d just said sink in. “Allison wouldn’t be dead. You wouldn’t have had to cut off her arm, she’d still be alive if it wasn’t for me. If it hadn’t have been for me. That was my fault. Her getting bitten, her turning into a zombie…”

I was thankful I hadn’t seen it, her turning.

“Charlene…”

“I ran out there, outside. You and Dave and Allison, I put all of your lives at risk--”

“Charlene,” I said. This time, I used a tougher tone. I needed her to hear me, to listen. “You ran out there to save Robert. We came out to help, too.”

“You tried to stop me,” she said. “You wanted Dave to stop me.”

That was true. “Because I didn’t want you hurt. We’d all still have run out there to help Robert. You were right. You did the right thing. You weren’t putting yourself or your own safety first. What you did was selfless. I am not mad at you for that. I know Dave is not mad at you. If Alley were able, she’d tell you the same thing. You were not wrong to run outside and help. Not wrong at all. There is no blame being cast. Not by anyone in that kitchen, and honey, sure as shit not by me.”

She stared at me. Our eyes were locked. Both of us had tears. “I want this all to be over, Dad. I can’t keep on going like this.”

Fourteen, and she was at the end of her rope.

Then again, so was I. “We can do this, honey. We’re going to make it through this.”

She used the back of her wrist to wipe away the tears.  “I just don’t know if I want to.”

#  #  #

It was not a super expensive restaurant. I’d made reservations, though. The idea of hitting a Red Robin for gourmet burgers and bottomless fries appealed more to me, but I figured I’d better step it up just a bit. While I’d done a bit of dating since Julie divorced me, nothing lasted beyond a few dates, or a month at most. I’m sure it was my fault. Plenty of the women had psycho issues. Red flags popped up like fireworks for many of them. Still, a lot of the issues rested on me, my shoulders.

It was true I focused on unimportant aspects of the relationships, perhaps put too much emphasis on sex, and not any on building a friendship. Allison was different. I didn’t want to blow it from the start. So I changed my game.

I didn’t think going for burgers on a first date would have been detrimental, but with her, I wanted to play it more safely. It was not a black tie affair, but I wore charcoal grey dress pants with a matching necktie, and cleaners-pressed soft blue-grey shirt. I had to hit a store in the mall for new dress shoes, and went old school with wingtips.

The table was set for two. We were in the center of the place. I understood which fork to use, and all of that. We ordered the surf and turf with soup and salads. Allison looked beautiful. She’d worn her hair down, and smiled most of the night. Conversation was somewhat forced, although I couldn’t remember anything said. The one thing I remember most was making her laugh. A lot.

After my salad, the waitress took my plate with my salad fork. Some of the salad pieces had been large, and I’d cut them up to keep from looking like an animal while eating.

“Oh, wait, wait,” I said. “I still need my knife!”

I pronounced it with a hard “K.” Ka-nife, and retrieved it from the plate as she’d lifted it off the table.

The whole restaurant must have heard me. Allison laughed so hard, she’d snorted. That embarrassed her. I loved it. From that point on, the date was not forced. I didn’t kiss her that night. I didn’t want to ruin a good thing. It seemed like she wanted me to, looked a little disappointed when I left her at her front step and went back to my car after a simple hug and a whisper, “Good night.”

And now, I helped Dave. Charlene had the walk-in freezer door open. We’d wrapped Alley as best we could in tablecloths. I held her under the arms and head. Dave gripped the legs. We set her down on the floor. It seemed wrong. She deserved a burial. We’d taken the time to bury our lost since day one. Allison did not belong locked away in a school freezer but there were far too many zombies still outside. There was no chance of digging a plot. Not today. Not right now. It was why we were putting her in the freezer. If Gene and Andy did not return, and there came a time when the zombies left this building alone, then I would risk it, take the time, and bury Alley properly.

Chapter Twenty-One

1630 hours

“We’ve got a problem.” Melissa panted. She stood bent forward, and rested the palms of her hands on her thighs. “The zombies--they figured out there’s a doorway into the cafeteria.”

That was the worst news I’d heard in a while. Melissa had been assigned to watch the monsters. We stayed out of the cafeteria as much as possible because just the sight of us kept them agitated. And we wanted, no, we needed them to lose interest and wander the school. The herd was too large. There was no safe way to thin it. “They’ve what?”

She waved. We followed her from the kitchen into the cafeteria.

I heard it. A hollow thump. “They’re banging into the door,” she said.

I watched. As one, they took a step back, and then as if one of them counted to three, they surged forward and slammed into the entire glass wall, with a concentration on the double doors. “That is not going to hold,” I said.

“No, it is not,” Megan said.

“Back into the kitchen, everyone.” Dave ushered us through the threshold. He closed the door near where the cash register was. Charlene was at the opposite side of the kitchen closing the other, the one students entered and picked up a food tray before shuffling their way down the cafeteria line for their meals.