“How can monks behave like that?”

“Well, there are monks, and then there are sohei. The monks squabble amongst each other about doctrine, honors, and land, just like nobles. And just like nobles, they keep soldiers. The soldiers think like soldiers. They plan to attack.”

Tora said bitterly, “Most soldiers are honorable. Those bastards had no honor.”

“True. In a regular army they wouldn’t tolerate such men, but monasteries tend to be pretty gullible. They believe the men that come to them wanting to be monks. And they protect them from the police. To get back to my disaster: I was lying on one of the great beams above them and picking up all this interesting information when a cat got curious about what I was doing there. I tried to shoo it away with my hand, but the cat clawed me. It was an uneven contest. The cat hissed, they looked up, and I tried to flee. The cat was in my way, and in my hurry I slipped and fell right into the middle of their council of war.”

Tora’s eyes were wide. “What did you do?”

“Nothing to do. They had me, and they wanted to know who sent me.” Saburo grimaced again.

“You didn’t tell them?”

“Not right away. I had some foolish notion of protecting Onjo-ji, my temple by then. After a while, I didn’t care about Onjo-ji, but I was afraid that they would kill me as soon as they knew, and I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction too quickly.”

“That was very brave of you!”

“No, it was stupid. I talked in the end. I talked plenty. I made up stories. I was the biggest coward you ever saw. Pain will do that to a man.”

“I still think you were brave. But they didn’t carve me up. I think they were afraid. Somehow they knew I was connected to the tribunal. Someone came in and told them not to mark me up. That’s when they tried other things.”

“What things?”

Tora turned away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh.” Saburo said nothing for a while, then, “Yes, they did that to me, too.”

Tora turned his head, “You didn’t mind?”

“Not like the knives, but I did mind, yes.”

Tora sat silently, digesting this. After a while he said, “I think I could’ve taken the knives. They made me feel like I was nothing, like I could be used and thrown away. They tied me down over a rice bale, and one of them straddled my neck.” Tora clenched his fists. “I fought. Oh, how I fought!” He held out his lacerated wrists for Saburo to see. “It was no good. They pulled down my pants and I kicked them, but they laughed and made jokes. That’s when their general heard the noise and came in. They left me alone after that. But I’d lost my honor by then.”

Saburo sighed. “Well, they haven’t changed. I was pretty sure they were the same bastards. What do you want to do about it?”

“What can I do? They are gone by now. All I’ve done was to let a tiger loose in the market place. I’ve failed my master, I’ve failed poor Kinzaburo and his wife, and I’ve failed Hanae. I’m no good to anyone anymore.”

“The people who love you know better. You have a family that depends on you. Me, I’m alone. Nobody cares what happens to me. But you’ve got a wife. Don’t let those bastards win.”

Tora jumped up, white-faced. “I shouldn’t have told you.” He went inside and slammed the door shut behind him.

Saburo sat a little longer. When he heard raised voices inside, he got up and left.

∞

Later that day, Tora came to him, looking very uneasy. “Forgive me, brother,” he said quite humbly. “I didn’t mean to speak to you that way.”

Saburo smiled and nodded. “I understand. Don’t worry about it.”

He expected Tora to turn away again, but he did not. Instead he stood there, looking around and up at the sky while clenching and unclenching his big hands.

“I have to go into town to pay off some merchants,” Saburo said after a while. “How about walking with me? The cherry trees are blooming along the canals.”

Tora nodded. “Why not?”

At first neither said very much beyond a comment or two on the weather and on the cherry trees. The scene along the canal was a happy one. Children played on the banks and a few young women washed clothes. The trees were covered with blossoms, white turning to pink, but the first petals were already falling. They paused on one of the arched bridges and leaned on the wooden railing to watch the scene below.

Saburo said, “Cherry blossoms always make me sad these days. I courted Shokichi under the cherry trees. It seems like an age ago.” He heaved a sigh.

“So?” asked Tora.

“It’s hard, being alone.”

“There are plenty of women.”

“It’s not the same.”

They fell silent again. Then Tora said, “You noticed we’re having troubles, Hanae and me.”

“I heard.”

“It’s my fault. I’m no good to her anymore. I try, but I can’t.”

Saburo pursed his lips. “I’m sorry, brother. I expect it’ll pass.”

“No!” Tora grasped his arm and shook it. “ I’m no good to anyone. I’m useless. I couldn’t even give the master his exercise in Otsu. He sent me home because he has no more use for me. But I’m no use to anyone here either.”

It was on Saburo’s tongue to point out that Tora had fixed the leaking roof once again and also patched the outer wall, that he had played with the children, and carried wood for the cook. Instead he detached his arm and said quietly, “You are still the same man. They could not change that.”

Tora shook his head. “How could you go on living after what they did to you? A man cannot live with himself after that. The shame, it’s unbearable.”

“Oh,” said Saburo, keeping his voice matter-of-fact. “They were cruel bastards all right, but I’d been a monk for years. I got used to sex between men in a monastery. It’s nothing.”

Tora thought about this, then said, “It wasn’t that they tried that. It was being helpless. And I’m still helpless. I’ve never wanted to kill anyone as much as I want to kill those bastards. Never! I think sometimes that I’ll go mad if I don’t kill them.”

“I see,” said Saburo heavily. “Yes, I dream of that almost every day and most nights.”

Tora was not listening. “The worst bastard got away. Kojo! I’ll never find him again.”

“Perhaps we will,” Saburo said. “We could try at least.”

Tora looked at him. “Did you say ‘we’?”

Saburo nodded. “Yes. It may be time for both of us to lay the ghosts and kill some devils.”

“He could be anywhere by now.”

“He’s on the mountain.”

“You think he went back? But the monks wouldn’t take him back. They said so.”

Saburo gave Tora a pitying look. “Mount Hiei is large. There are many temples there. Kojo had friends.”

“Would you come with me?”

“Would you disobey the master again?”

Another, longer, silence fell. Then Tora nodded.

Chapter Twenty-Four

More Secrets

The morning after a long and futile day trying to get information from Sukemichi’s servants, the prefect’s constables arrested a vagrant not far from the manor. Before either Akitada or Kosehira could interfere, they had a confession. The man, who was very poor and not in his right mind, admitted readily that he had climbed the wall of the Taira manor and killed its owner.

The prefect was elated to have closed the case so quickly and conveniently. Sukemichi’s widow was pleased and momentarily forgot her grief-stricken demeanor. The young lord shared the general relief.

“I don’t like it,” Akitada told Kosehira as they prepared to return to Otsu.

“Well, he may have done it. He looked strong enough.”

“There is no proof.”

Kosehira finished putting on his boots and said, “There is a confession. A confession outweighs proof.”

“He did not seem a very sensible sort of person to me,” Akitada persisted. “It sounded as though he was actually proud of what he confessed to.”