‘I don’t want to argue with you, Billie. I need to see her face to face. If she wants me to beg, I will. I just want my son back.’

‘You’re not getting your son back by begging.’

‘Give up, Billie. I’m going and no one is stopping me.’

Unhappily, Billie rings off.

I put the phone down utterly steady in my resolve. You see, I may be naïve, one can even call me stupid, but what no one knows is that I am willing to give up my life for my son. In a second. So she wants to gloat? Let her gloat. Whatever makes her happy. And all the while I can’t help thinking that maybe, just maybe, I will find that chink in her armor. And even if I don’t, maybe I can glean some clue as to Sorab’s well-being, or his whereabouts.

I don’t bother to hide or be sneaky with Brian. I tell him my decision and ask him to take me to the bank to pick up the money. He looks at me with a swift appraising glance before making a half-hearted attempt to dissuade me. Maybe he is a better judge of character than I have given him credit for, and knows that it would be a pointless exercise.

‘You’re playing right into her hands. She’s going to use this money to pay the kidnappers off.’

I notice that he came to the same conclusion as Billie. Only he omitted the word probably. I look him in the eyes. ‘I know that, but do you really think she has no other means to get her hands on the cash?’

He says nothing, but it is abundantly clear that he does not agree with my decision.

‘So she wants to savor the irony of it all, or even my fall. Let her. It seems I owe her that.’

‘We should tell Blake.’

I glare at him. ‘If you tell Blake, consider this the last time you will ever see me.’

His eyes flash. It is wrong of me, I know. He has done nothing wrong to me, but I don’t have a choice. He doesn’t love my son. I do. With all my heart. Yes, Brian is loyal, very loyal, but he doesn’t understand.

He drives me to her in silence. In the car Blake calls.

‘Where are you?’ he asks.

‘I’m at home, of course,’ I say. The lie drips off my tongue.

Brian doesn’t bat an eyelid. Just stares ahead and carries on driving.

‘Are you sure you are all right?’ Blake insists.

‘Yes. Yes, I am. I’ll see you tonight.’

‘I love you, Lana.’

‘I love you too,’ I say softly, and cut the call.

I turn toward Brian. ‘Thank you.’ My voice is full of gratitude.

He nods.

He has made his alliance. He had no real choice, but ultimately, he knew he would not have survived any betrayal of me. Nothing can be more ferocious than a mother protecting her young. Today, he has become a friend of mine. I will defend him to my dying day.

The building is grand and imposing the way that an austere, granite sarcophagus standing on a high plinth can be, until you remember the pathetic scattering of bones languishing at the bottom of it. I walk into the building quickly, the brown envelope from the bank at the bottom of my bag.

It is brightly lit and cool inside.

It is not visiting time, but at reception they are expecting me. They seem eager to please. They refer to her respectfully as Lady Victoria. It is not like a mental hospital. It is like her personal office.

A smiling nurse takes me to a waiting room. This must be the room they will bring Blake to when she summons him. I try to imagine which chair he will sit in. I pick the one farthest from the door. I sit and stare at the magazines on the table blankly. I don’t know how long passes, but it seems a long time. Eventually the door opens and she enters with a nurse.

‘Ring the bell when you are finished,’ the nurse says to me with a smile.

I rise to my feet. Victoria has come to meet me in her hospital issued pajamas and a voluminous dressing gown. I consider that a threat. I get it. You only dress for those you want to impress. I too have not bothered to dress, but for the opposite reason. To show her that I am subservient to her. To allow her the opportunity to see how low she has brought me.

She takes the sofa opposite to mine and coolly folds herself onto it.

I sit down, and taking the envelope out of my bag, push it across the coffee table toward her.

She covers it with her hand and pockets it in her dressing gown. Her nails are cut to the quick. It must be hospital regulation.

‘My, isn’t this strange?’ she says, looking at me without any sign of hostility.

‘Yes, this is very strange.’

‘You look terrible,’ she notes.

‘I feel terrible.’

‘You should. You are a thief.’

I bite my lip. ‘How is he?’

‘He’s a bit of a spoilt brat. He won’t eat properly… And he bites.’

My heart feels as if it is breaking. I don’t show it. ‘He is a good boy. He is just not used to strangers.’

‘And the only word the brat seems to have mastered is no.’

She is playing with me. I resist the compulsion to tell her that Sorab can say more than just no. He can say yes. He can say Daddy, Sleep Teddy, din din for dinner, and Lana. No matter how many times I try to correct him he refuses to call me Mummy.

‘How is he?’ I repeat.

‘I wonder what you will give up for your son?’

I look at her. I know she wants the ultimate sacrifice. ‘What do you want from me?’

‘I haven’t decided yet. I’ll think about it and let you know if there is anything.’ She stands up and, walking to the door, rings the bell.

What? She’s leaving! I stand unsteadily. ‘Victoria?’

She turns around and directs a withering look at me.

‘He is just a baby,’ I say, and the tears start flowing. ‘Please, Victoria. I will go away. I’ll walk away and stay away this time. I’ll do anything you want.’

‘What would be the point of that?’ she sneers. ‘You have already proven yourself to be a brilliant liar. You simply cannot be trusted. As soon as you have that brat back in your hands you will break all your pathetic little promises. So no, don’t bother.’ She turns back to the door to wait for the nurse with her back to me.

‘I’m sorry,’ I sob. ‘I know I didn’t keep my word, but I was… I was blinded by my love for Blake.’

It is the wrong thing to say. Her passive aggressive façade smashes to dust, and her head jerks around like a striking cobra. ‘And what about my love for Blake?’ she demands furiously. ‘That counted for nothing, did it?’

‘You said it was an arrangement.’

She turns around fully and faces me, eyes glittering with hatred. ‘It was not an arrangement. And you knew that,’ she spits venomously.

I stare at her, standing still, but vibrating with rage and hate. It is obviously pointless to try to reason with her. And yet, I can’t stop. Not now. Not after I’ve come this far. ‘You told Blake you understood. That he should cleanse me out of his system.’

‘You’re a pathetic hypocrite. Trying to justify stealing another woman’s man. What he sees in you is beyond me.’

My spine straightens. ‘I didn’t steal him. He was not yours. He never loved you. I saved you from a loveless marriage.’

She laughs. A horrible sound: a vulture’s cry as its talons grip into dead meat. ‘Are you suggesting I thank you?’

‘Of course not.’

She wants to claw my eyes out. I see it in her clenched fists, her scorching eyes, her heaving chest, but she controls herself with a Herculean effort, and grimaces. ‘If I were you, I’d stop talking. You’re not in any way helping your son’s cause.’

A cold hand inside my chest. I shouldn’t have come. I’ve made it worse. Blake was right. ‘I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for what I did. I’m begging you, Victoria. Please, give me back my son.’

‘Look at you whining and crying because someone took your toy away from you.’ Her voice is brutally contemptuous.

‘He’s my son.’

‘Whatever.’

She turns away from me.

‘Please give me back my son.’

She does not turn back. Simply ignores my pleas until the nurse comes to take her away. The nurse’s eyes flick over my tear-stained face curiously, as she holds the door open for me. I go out with them and watch the nurse walk up the corridor together with Victoria and go through a locked door. Victoria never turns to look at me.