I know that Blake will be home very late because there is so much for him to organize. Even while I was with him the phone calls never stopped. As I promised to do, I call him when we reach the apartment building. We don’t talk for long—he is busy. I put my key through the door and realize that this is now home for me. It is where I live with my little family.

So much has happened here.

I play for a while with Sorab, then feed him and put him to bed. I prepare some food—grilled cheese on toast, and, eat it alone—I clean up after myself and wander about the place. From room to room I go switching on lights. It all feels so still and silent. Tonight I cannot bear any shadows. I see ghosts everywhere. I wish Blake would come home. When the phone rings I grab it with relief.

‘Hello.’

‘Hello, my darling. I’m missing you.’ His voice is like velvet in my ear.

‘Me too.’

‘What are you doing?’

‘Nothing. When are you coming home?’

I feel almost tearful. So much has happened that I do not understand. My head is so full of questions and worries. We haven’t made love since that night at the Ritz, and I long to feel him on my skin, and deep inside me. I am desperate to forget, to purr, to lose myself and ride that wave of ecstasy. I decide to have a bath, a really long bath, with bubbles and scented oils. I lay my head back and try to relax.

Everything will work out.

Everything will work out.

But I am unable to relax. I get out of the bath, dry myself down, lather my skin with some lotion that has honey and extracts of avocado in and lie on the bed reading. By ten Blake is still not home. I go to the fridge and pour myself a glass of white wine. I should put some music on. It feels so deserted and strange. I check on Sorab. All is fine there.

I stand for a while in the balcony. For some reason I think of Jack. Ever since that last time I saw him I have not heard from him. I wonder where he is and what he is up to. I look up to the stars and say a silent prayer for him. Wherever you are, be well. The night air is cold and makes me shiver. Eventually I return to the bed and my book. I want to wait up for Blake, but I fall asleep while reading.

Something wakes me. He is home. I see the glow of the little moon-face lamp under Sorab’s door. Softly, I open the door and freeze in the doorway. Blake is standing by the cot staring at Sorab as he sleeps. His hands are gripping the cot so hard, his knuckles show white. He has opened a window and the night outside has become coal black. No stars. No moon. A soft breeze blows in. I feel it on the bare skin of my arms. Goosebumps scatter. The room is full of clinging shadows. My heart hitches.

He whips his head around suddenly, and I am face to face with him. I see his eyes. For a moment it is as if he does not recognize me. I do not recognize him. It must be my imagination in overdrive but it is as if I have interrupted a powerful predator. His eyes burn through me, angry blue.

‘I regret nothing I would do it all again in a heartbeat, if I had to,’ he whispers. The sound is fierce and heady with male dominance.

We are locked in a stare, neither of us blinking.

I am mesmerized by his gaze. Here is the man who has a hold on me, on my soul. And he has the keys to secret rooms I have yet to open. They are full of dark secrets. I am scared. Scared for us. Scared that the secrets will defeat me. That he will not give me the keys. The breath catches in my throat. My heart skips a beat. My head is flooded with so many unanswered questions.

He makes a sound, husky, unintelligible.

And suddenly he is beautiful beyond anything I have seen. He is my man. Mine forever. I love him. I open my mouth and words flow from my heart.

‘I know our lives will never be the same again. I know you are trapped in a world that is like nothing I have ever known, but I am willing to climb mountains, cross rivers, and travel barefoot over thorns and rocks if it takes me to you. I will find you. I promise,’ I whisper.

‘I hope you never find me in the place where I exist, Lana.’ The words are ripped out of him.

A chill runs down my spine. I shiver. Words bubble up in my throat. ‘Why are you always so harsh with me?’

‘I’m not being harsh with you, Lana. For you, I’d die a thousand times. You’ll never know how lonely I was without you, but you have to understand that I am only strong when I am certain you are safe. And you are only safe when you are innocent. You can never come to me. Always I will make the journey to you. The knowledge you are looking for is poison. It will seep into your very essence. Just this once allow me to act with beauty and courage, for you and Sorab.’

He is a broken soul. I walk up to him, and immediately he sweeps me into his arms and presses me against the hard expanse of his chest. I breathe in the scent of him, and feel again that passionate desire to be one with him. When our bodies are so fused together that our souls touch. I need to feel complete again. I have been for so many days unwhole.

‘Oh, Blake.’

He lifts me into his arms, I wrap mine around his neck, and he walks me to our bed. ‘Your fingers are freezing,’ he says.

‘Sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’

God, hot tears are trickling down my cheeks.

He bends his head, his shadows spilling over me. I hear the blood pounding in his temples, and he kisses my tears. ‘Dew drops,’ he whispers. ‘I never thought it could ever be like this.’

I swallow and try to stop the tears but they won’t halt.

He lays me on the bed. ‘It always surprises me how silky your hair is,’ he says softly to himself.

This has to be enough to pull us through. This must.

‘It feels like a dream. As if you are unreal. I couldn’t bear it if I woke up and you were gone,’ he murmurs.

‘It’s not a dream. Do you believe that two people can share a love that is so deep that nothing can ever take it away?’

He doesn’t answer me. Instead he looks into my eyes with so much love my heart quivers. The look changes. My tears stop, the blood begins to pound in my head.

‘No need for words, Lana.’

He is right. There never was a need. His finger lightly strokes my throat. I draw breath sharply. I have been starving for his touch. He lets his finger rest on the desperate pulse. The tenderness in the gesture captivates me and starts the red-hot ache between my thighs. His mouth moves in closer and closer until his lips meet mine. I open my mouth to taste him. Ah…

He enters my soul.

In the shadows of our bedroom, time stills.

Four

I wake up in total darkness, shivering and realize instantly that I am blindfolded and naked. My hands are tied behind my back, but my legs are free. My nostrils are full of the smell of damp soil and dead leaves. Rocks and branches are digging into my back. It is eerily silent. I have no memory of how I got here. Where is Blake? Where is Sorab?

Suddenly, the air is pierced by a wail, despairing, monotone, and distant.

What the hell is that?

I freeze, bewildered and petrified. Precious seconds pass, with me holding my breath, staring into the blackness of the blindfold. Then: the knowledge, something’s coming. An abomination—stalking, circling.

My lips move. ‘Oh God!’

It is coming for me. It is almost upon me. The terror is indescribable. Frantically, I rub my face against the ground, gouging my cheeks on sharp stones. The blindfold shifts fractionally, but enough for me to make out that I am in a dark forest.

I scramble to my feet, swaying, my hands tied behind my back, and lurch away into the spooky shadows. The cold wind whips my face. Branches and leaves slap my bare body. I slip on moss, sprawl on the ground, pick myself up, and run blindly. In a panic, I glance backward, but it is impossible to see anything. The blackness is so thick. But I know it is still coming. I feel it in the chill that goes out like long tentacles before it to envelop me.