Michael had it in his office. I wanted you to have it.

And whys that? His tone was still cold, but at least he wasnt screaming obscenities at her.

Because it seemed like the right thing to do.

Ed took the photo from her. I got nothing to say to you.

But I have a lot to say to you. I promised someone something, and I like to keep my promises.

Who? Johnny? Well, you can tell him that its no good sending you over to try to mend things.

He doesnt know Im here. He told me not to come.

He looked surprised. So why are you here?

That promise. What you saw the other night wasnt Johns fault. It was mine.

It takes two to tango and you aint telling me no different.

May I come in?

I dont see why.

Id really like to talk to you about your sons. I think you need to know some things. Some information that might make things a little clearer. It wont take all that long and I promise you, after Im done, I wont ever bother you again. Please?

After a long moment, Ed finally moved aside and let her pass. He closed the door noisily behind them. The living room was much the way it had been the first time she had seen it. The man liked things tidy. She imagined his garage full of tools kept in the same manner. Ed motioned to the sofa and Sara sat down. He went into the dining room and carefully placed the photo among the others there. You want something to drink? he asked grudgingly.

Only if youre having something.

Ed sat down in a chair across from her.

Im not.

She looked at him closely. Now she could more clearly see the rough outlines of both sons in his face, his build. The mother was there too, though more in Michael than in John. Ed started to light up a cigarette and then stopped.

You can smoke if you want. Its your house.

Ed replaced the pack of smokes in his pocket and slid the lighter back in his pants pocket. Gladys wouldnt let me smoke in the house, just outside. Old habits are hard to break. He crossed his arms, waiting for her to start talking.

Michael and I were very close friends.

Im not sure how close you couldve been after what I saw the other night. Eds face started to flush.

The fact is, Mr. Fiske

Look, just call me Ed, he said gruffly.

All right, Ed, the fact is we were close friends. Thats how I saw it, but Michael wanted more than that.

What do you mean?

Sara swallowed hard, her own face reddening. Michael asked me to marry him.

Ed looked shocked. He never said anything to me.

Im sure he didnt. You see she hesitated for a moment, very nervous about what his reaction would be to these next words you see, I told him no. She shrank back a little, but Fiske just sat there, trying to digest this.

Is that right? I take it you didnt love him.

I didnt not like that, anyway. Im not sure why I didnt. He seemed perfect. Maybe thats what scared me, sharing my life with someone like that, trying to keep my standards up that high for a lifetime. And he was so caught up in his work. Even if I had loved him, Im not sure there would have been room for me.

Ed looked down. It was hard raising those two boys. Johnny was good at most everything, but Mike . . . Mike was flat-out great at anything he wanted to do. I was working all the damn time and didnt really see it that good when they were growing up. I see it a whole lot better now. I bragged a lot on Mike. Too much. Mike told me Johnny wouldnt have nothing to do with him, and wouldnt really say why. Johnny really keeps to himself. Hard to get him to talk.

Sara looked past him, out the window, where a cardinal flitted by and settled on the branch of a weeping willow. She said, I know. Ive spent a lot of time with him the last few days. You know, I always thought Id be able to tell, almost instantly: This is the person I want to spend my life with. I guess that notion seems silly. And unfair. Doesnt it?

A tiny smile creased the mans face. The first time I saw Gladys, she was waitressing at this little diner across from where I worked. I walked in the door with a bunch of my buddies one day and from the moment I saw her I didnt hear a word they said. It was like it was just me and her in the whole damn world. Went back to work and made a mess of a Cummins diesel engine. Couldnt get her out of my head.

Sara smiled. Im well acquainted with the stubbornness of John and Michael Fiske. So I doubt if you just left it at that.

Ed smiled too. I went back over to that diner for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next six months. We started going out. Then I got up the courage to ask her to marry me. I swear to God I wouldve done it that first day, but I thought shed think I was crazy or something. He paused for a moment and then said with finality, Weve had a damn good life together too. He studied her face. Is that what happened to you when you saw Johnny? Sara nodded. Did Mike know?

I think he figured it out. When I finally met John I asked him if he had any idea why the two of them didnt seem to be close. I thought that might have been part of it, but they seemed to have drifted apart before then. Sara tensed. So that night in the boat, what you saw was me pushing myself on your son. He had been through the most hellish day imaginable and all I could think about was myself. She looked directly at him. He turned me down flat. She thought of last night, the tenderness she and John Fiske had exchanged, both in and out of her bed. And then the morning after. She thought she had figured it all out. That had been a good feeling. Now she was close to overwhelmed by the sense that she knew nothing about the man or his feelings. She let out a troubled laugh. It was a very humbling experience. She pulled a tissue from her pocketbook and dabbed at her eyes. Thats all I came to tell you. If you want to hate anyone, hate me, not your son.

Ed studied the carpet for a minute and then stood. Just finished cutting the grass. Id like an iced tea, how about you? With a surprised look, Sara nodded. A few minutes later Ed came back with glasses of ice and a pitcher of tea. As he filled the glasses he said, Ive thought a lot about that night. I dont remember all of it. Had a damn bad hangover the next day. As mad as I was, I never shouldve hit Johnny. Not in the damn gut.

Hes pretty tough.

Thats not what I meant. Ed took a swallow of tea and sat back, chewing on his lip. Did Johnny ever tell you why he left the police force?

He said he had arrested some young kid for a drug offense. That the kid was so pathetic and everything, that he decided to start helping people like that.

Ed nodded. Well, he didnt actually arrest him. That boy died at the scene. And so did the officer that backed Johnny up on that call.

Sara almost spilled her tea. What?

Ed looked a little uncomfortable now that he had opened this subject, but he continued. Johnny never really talked about it, but I got the story from the officers who arrived after it all happened. Johnny stopped the car for some reason. It was stolen, I think. Anyway, he called in for backup. He got the two boys out of the car. Found the drugs. Thats when his backup came. Right before they were going to search them, one of the boys dropped like he was having a seizure. Johnny tried to help him. His backup shouldve kept his gun on the other, but he didnt, and the other fellow pulled a gun and killed him. Johnny managed to fire, but the boy put two rounds into him.

They both went down, facing each other. The other boy had just been faking it. He jumped up and took off in the car. They caught him a little while later. The other fellow and Johnny were about a foot apart, both bleeding like crazy.

Omigod!

Johnny stuffed a finger in one of the holes. It stopped the bleeding a little. Well and I heard some of this from him while he was in the hospital half out of his head the boy said some things to Johnny. Im not exactly sure what, Johnny never would say, but they found the boy dead and Johnny next to him, his arm around him. Mustve dragged himself over there or something. Some of the cops didnt exactly like that, what with one of their own lying dead because of the kid. But they checked everything out and Johnny was cleared. It was the other cops fault. Anyway, Johnny almost died on the way to the hospital. As it was, he was in there for about a month. Whatever load the boy was carrying in that pistol ripped Johnnys insides to shreds.