‘I’ve often thought about you, Nadine, and wondered how your life worked out,’ she says.

‘As you can see, I’m getting on very well.’

‘Do you have family?’

‘Four children. And you?’

‘Unlike you, I’ve been unlucky in love.’ She tosses this comment towards me with a wry smile.

She lies. Beautiful people like Karin make their own luck. She must be remembering, as I am, how she turned me into fodder for the school grapevine. When nothing was said about my letters, no breathless comments from Vonnie making their way back to me, I comforted myself with the belief that Karin hadn’t shown them to her. Otherwise, even under threat of torture, Vonnie would have been unable to keep their content a secret.

‘Hopefully, you’re still happily married,’ she asks.

‘Jake and I are still together,’ I reply. ‘Some things never change. He told me you met on a flight to New York.’

Her eyelids flutter. She tilts her head. I remember that birdlike gesture, the darting glance, and those eyes, so compelling. ‘A chance encounter,’ she says. ‘I hardly recognised him but years of domesticity do that to a man.’

‘Apologies… apologies.’ Jessica returns and interrupts this brittle exchange. She ends the interview shortly afterwards with a promise to be in touch with Karin as soon as a decision is made.

‘She’s definitely tuned into our wavelength,’ Jessica says when the door closes behind her. ‘I’m more than happy to go with Kingfisher Graphics.’

Karin Moylan is exactly the right person to redesign Lustrous magazine. To smarten it up so that more and more readers can stare at our vacuous, airbrushed photographs and envy a world that doesn’t exist.

‘She’s good,’ I admit. ‘I was also interested in our third interviewee. We should call him back for another interview.’

‘He’s not what we want.’ Jessica has decided. ‘You’ll enjoy working with each other on this project. It makes such a difference when there’s a good team spirit.’

I return to my office and stare out the window. I can’t remain in this job. I’ll toss burgers, clean offices, sweep the streets rather than sit facing her again. Her hands will be all over the magazine, the way they were all over the blackboard in our classroom when she drew my image for all to see.

I press my nails hard against my bottom lip as I recall in detail the morning I entered the classroom and saw a naked figure with small breasts, a grotesque penis and large feet drawn on the blackboard. No name was written underneath but the flaming red hair and exaggerated corkscrew curls were instantly recognisable. Unable to look at the pupils clustered around the blackboard I ran from the classroom to the toilets. I huddled in a cubicle until Jenny, who’d gone directly to the principal’s office to report the drawing, coaxed me out.

The blackboard was wiped clean when we returned to the classroom. None of the students claimed to know who drew it. No one was held responsible, nor could it be proved that Karin had anything to do with it. But I saw the truth in her eyes when she pressed a finger to her cheek and tilted her head, appraisingly. Nothing has changed since then.

Liam taps on my office and enters. ‘I reckon we’ve made our decision.’ he says. ‘As far as I’m concerned it’s the last interviewee. I’m taking her out for coffee. I’ll be back in half an hour.’

He taps on my computer and opens a Core file. ‘Take a look at those shots and write some captions for them. Jimmy French is off sick today and I need them ready for production by five.’

‘Sorry, Liam.’ At last I can let my anger show. ‘Do it yourself. Core is not my responsibility.’

He frowns, leans over my shoulder, overpowers me with his aftershave.

‘In Wall Publications everyone mucks in. Otherwise Jessica throws a hissy fit and, believe me, that’s something you don’t want to experience.’

I stare at the screen after he leaves. It’s typical Core material, the photographs taken outside a nightclub. A dead-eyed model hanging from the arm of a celebrity chef who does a weekly cookery programme on television with his chirpy, bright-eyed wife. How will she feel when she sees these photographs? I want to delete them but nothing can be hidden anymore. Hard drives, CCTV, mobile phones, paparazzi. This wife’s fate is sealed and his too. As for the model – we’ll feature her in Lustrous when she comes out of rehab.

Caked Out! I write and delete. In the Stew suffers the same fate. I close down the file and write a note to Liam. Do it yourself and let me deal with Jessica’s hissy fit!!! I dig my pen viciously into the paper.

I enter his office and leave the note on his desk. Karin has left her portfolio case against the wall. She must be coming back to pick it up. I hesitate then walk towards the door. The corridor is empty. Quickly, I return and place it on the desk. I unzip it and turn the pages. My hands begin to sweat. One of the plastic pages slips from my grip with a heavy flap. I lift it again and stare at an image. Jagged shards of ice, blazing. The letters SHARD chiselled as finely as pinheads. The pages slap loudly as I close the leather case. The zip jams on the corner. I lean my hands on the desk to steady my breathing. It’s almost four o’clock. They’re due back any moment. I pull the zip back then ease it gently around the corner before returning the case to its original position.

Unable to face the stifling atmosphere of my office, I run outside and stand on the steps. I remember the unnecessary force Jake used when he ripped the Kingfisher Graphics business card in two. I remember the text… New York… New York… homeward bound…

Children’s voices ring from the park across the square. The tall Georgian houses sway towards me. I grip the railings. Rage tears at my throat. It pulses in my wrists and in the serrated scars I believed had healed. New York… New York calling… Frank Sinatra sings in my ear. An ear worm. I’ve always disliked that song, the inevitable circle swaying backwards and forwards at the end of a wedding, drunken legs kicking outwards.

Chapter 27

Jake

Their first harrowing row marked a change in their relationship. Now, Jake heard steel in Karin’s voice when she spoke about give and take. Essential elements in a shared relationship, she said. Sooner or later Nadine had to know the truth. So, too, had his children and Eleanor. When would that be? She put these nightmarish questions to him calmly, argued rationally that she should not be expected to hide indefinitely in the shadows of his family life.

Tonight, in an Italian bistro overlooking the Liffey, she asked him to bring her to Sea Aster. She cut him short when he mentioned his pact with Nadine.

‘Did she tell you we met?’ She drew back from him, her face shadowed in the glow of candles.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘In Lustrous on Friday. I’ve been commissioned to revamp the magazine.’

‘You never mentioned.’

‘I figured she’d tell you.’

‘How? I spent the night with you. She’d left for London when I returned so I wasn’t talking to her.’

The waiter came to the table to offer them a dessert menu. They both declined and waited in silence while he removed their dishes.

‘What did she say to you?’ Jake asked when they were along again.

‘That her marriage is in perfect working order.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘She told me you’re still together. Some things never change, that’s how she phrased it. I can take that two ways. You’re together under one roof or together in the same bed. Which one is true?’

‘You know exactly what she meant. I haven’t lied to you about our living arrangements.’

‘Then why don’t we spend tonight in your apartment?’

‘I told you – ’