She’d known she wouldn’t find him in either of those places, they were long shots. She thought she knew where he’d gone, and began running as she headed away from the marina towards town.

16

She rang the doorbell, the same button she pressed yesterday, and stared at the door. She was out of breath from jogging up the hill to Inchcolm Terrace. She felt a thin smear of sweat on her forehead and wiped it with her sleeve. Her armpits and groin were wet from the exertion. She hadn’t thought this through. She’d broken into a run leaving the marina and got into a rhythm, the repetitive pound of her feet on the tarmac soothing her mind, the physical superseding the mental.

But now she was standing at the McKennas’ house, waiting for the door to open. Her heart pounded and her lungs made her chest rise and fall. She rubbed her hands on her thighs, trying to wipe them dry. Thoughts crept in, and she was about to turn and leave when there was a noise behind the door, then it opened.

It was Libby. She looked younger than in the pictures Ellie had seen. Ellie could see the spread of acne between her eyebrows, her jaw set in a pubescent overbite. The way her left ear stuck out a little more than her right reminded Ellie of an untrained puppy. She would most likely grow into this face, that body. She would be beautiful one day, probably soon, but not quite yet.

Her blonde hair was tied up in a rough knot to the side of her head, roots showing. She wore the same outfit as last night, jammy trousers and a jumper. Ellie wondered if she’d slept well. She didn’t look frightened or distraught, but she had that mask, the sheen kids that age have, a barrier to the world made of disinterest, boredom and disgust. Ellie knew from Logan at the same age that it was a front, and there was a scared human underneath.

‘Hi, Libby,’ Ellie said.

Libby had one hand on the door frame, the other on her hip, a nonchalant stance but also on guard.

‘Who are you?’ she said. ‘How do you know my name?’

‘I’m a friend of your brother.’

That got her attention. ‘What are you on about? You can’t be Sam’s friend, you’re like forty or something.’

‘I’ve been helping him,’ Ellie said. ‘Have you seen him since yesterday?’

‘None of your business.’ Libby was already closing the door.

Ellie put her hand out. She thought for a moment then placed her fingers on the door handle and smeared her palm around it.

‘Let go of the door,’ Libby said.

Ellie took her hand away.

‘Look,’ she said. ‘I just need to know if you’ve seen Sam, that’s all.’

‘What’s it to you?’

‘I know,’ Ellie said. She opened her eyes wider, gave Libby a look she’d used a hundred times on Logan, a look that meant she wasn’t pissing about, she was to be taken seriously.

Libby shrugged, pretended not to care or understand, but it had got through, Ellie could tell.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Libby said.

‘Yes, you do.’ Ellie looked up and down the street. ‘Has he been in touch since yesterday? He was trying to call you all day.’

‘How do you know?’

‘He’s been worried sick about you.’

‘I can take care of myself.’

Ellie tilted her head and made a show of sizing the girl up. ‘I’m sure you can, but he’s your big brother and he was trying to help you. You know what I’m talking about.’

Libby shook her head. ‘I really don’t.’

Ellie moved closer, put a foot on the doorstep, and lowered her voice. ‘Listen to me, I found Sam on the bridge yesterday, did he tell you that?’

The look in Libby’s eyes said that he hadn’t.

‘He was going to jump because of what he’d done. Do you understand?’

Libby’s eyelids flickered.

Ellie continued. ‘I talked him out of it and took him somewhere to pull himself together. Away from anyone who might be looking for him. So you see, I am his friend, I’m looking out for him. And I’m looking out for you too.’

Libby was softening, Ellie saw it in her face.

‘I need to know where he is,’ Ellie said, ‘so that I can protect him properly. You understand, don’t you?’

A slight nod from Libby. She was working out how much of what Ellie said could be true, how much tallied with what Sam told her, if he’d even been in touch. It suddenly occurred to Ellie that Sam might’ve just handed himself in to the police.

‘So has he been in touch?’ Ellie said.

Libby looked down at her bare feet. ‘He was here earlier, but he’s gone.’

‘Where?’

Libby was about to speak when a voice came from behind her.

‘Who is it, Lib?’

Libby’s eyes widened. Footsteps padded down the wooden stairs as Libby let go of the doorframe and stepped aside.

It was Alison. She was the same height as Libby but stocky, broad shoulders, heavy breasts, a thick waist. Her features weren’t unattractive but her face was getting jowly and she wore a lot of her life in the lines around her eyes and across her forehead. She had bleary eyes and Ellie could smell stale wine on her breath.

‘What do you want?’ she said.

Ellie took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, my name is Eleanor, I live down the road. I hope you don’t think I’m intruding, I just heard about what happened here on the news and I wanted to say how sorry I was for your trouble. If I can help in any way?’

It was pathetic but maybe Alison was hungover enough to buy it.

Alison turned to Libby. ‘Go and get dressed.’

Libby didn’t move and Alison turned back.

‘What did you say your name was?’ she said.

‘Eleanor.’

‘Thanks for your concern but this has nothing to do with you. Unless it was you who stabbed my husband in the stomach?’ She spat the words out, sarcasm and hatred in them.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Ellie said. ‘I shouldn’t have come.’

‘That’s right,’ Alison said, ‘you shouldn’t have.’

She was closing the door.

‘It’s just . . . I know what it’s like,’ Ellie said. ‘To have trouble in the family, I mean. My son was the boy who jumped off the bridge six months ago.’

Alison stopped. ‘You’re his mum?’

Ellie tried to speak but was surprised to find the words stuck in her throat. She nodded.

Alison sized her up. Ellie must’ve weighed two stone less than Alison. She wondered what Alison thought of her, the mother who couldn’t keep her son from killing himself.

‘Well, I’m sorry for you,’ Alison said. ‘Thanks for your concern but this is totally different. My husband was stabbed by a burglar and my son is missing. We don’t want people intruding on family business.’

‘Of course.’ Ellie nodded. ‘I completely understand. I don’t know why I came, I’m sorry.’

Alison had a look of pity in her eyes. ‘Just go.’

She stepped back to close the door and Ellie got a better view of Libby behind, looking confused.

‘OK,’ Ellie said, ‘sorry to have bothered you.’

She looked over Alison’s shoulder as the door closed. Libby was mouthing a word to her. ‘Hospital.’

Ellie smiled. ‘And goodbye Libby, it was nice meeting you.’

17

She was doing eighty-five round the bypass, Radio Forth blaring, trying to keep the thoughts at bay. Lorde came on, that song that was everywhere at the moment. Logan had been into her early on, before the song had broken through and become a hit. He’d downloaded her first EP on to his iPod, she’d heard it through the wall and was surprised at his taste, how good it was. To his credit, he hadn’t abandoned her once she became famous, something Ellie might’ve done in her teenage days. Back then selling out was to be avoided at all costs, now it was an aspiration. The musical landscape was so different for kids like Logan, but good stuff still crept through, like this girl. Some teenage New Zealander selling millions, imagine that happening before the internet. She had a whole lifetime of making music ahead of her, a career Logan would never see.