She hammered his chest, six thrusts, this time pushing with all her might, imagining his chest cavity collapsing under the force, her hands grasping through the ribs, her fingers wrapping tight around his heart, squeezing it back to life.

Still nothing. She punched his chest.

‘Don’t leave me, you fucker,’ she shouted.

She gave him mouth to mouth once more. Pictured her breath streaming into his lungs, dissipating into his bloodstream.

She pushed on his chest, throwing all her weight behind it.

One. ‘Come on.’

Two. ‘Live.’

Three. ‘Fucking live.’

Four. ‘I need you to live.’

He coughed and gasped, seawater spouting out his mouth as his chest began to rise and fall. He wheezed air into his lungs then turned his head to the side and puked into the pebbles, gulping in air and groaning.

Ellie slumped over his body, spent.

‘Jesus,’ he gasped.

‘Thank God,’ Ellie said, her body shaking.

Ben lay there for a long time with his eyes closed, drawing breath like it was the sweetest taste on earth.

Eventually he opened his eyes and turned his head.

‘You saved me,’ he said, his voice just a whisper.

37

She didn’t know how long they lay there getting their breath back, trying to stop their arms and legs from shaking. The relief was overwhelming and Ellie found herself laughing as she stared at thick white clouds flitting across the sky.

‘What are you laughing at?’ Ben said.

She turned to him as if they were lying in bed together, a couple making small talk. ‘I don’t know.’

The sound of her laugh scared the deer. There was a shuffle of hooves, legs swishing through grass and the herd scattered into the woods.

Ellie stood up, her footing uncertain on the pebbles, and looked out to sea.

She couldn’t see the Porpoise.

‘We did it.’

Ben pushed on to his elbows then sat up, holding his hand out for help.

‘Here,’ Ellie said, pulling him up.

He got his balance and followed her gaze. Just the grey-brown motion of the water, the never-ending undulations of it, the shifting patterns of waves, forever restless.

But no boat. No hull sticking out, no rigging slapping the waves, nothing.

‘It sank,’ Ben said.

‘It did.’

Ellie scanned the grounds behind them. No one about. A small beach, a grassy field next to it, then some thin forest along the coast heading east.

‘We need to get back,’ she said. ‘Are you OK to walk?’

Ben nodded.

They picked their way off the beach and into the field. It was a couple of miles straight back to Port Edgar, but they’d have to take a detour once they left the grounds of Hopetoun House, avoid the coast road by heading up through higher fields and woods. The stately home hosted expensive weddings and business meetings, and Ellie smiled as she imagined a wedding party coming across two strangers in wetsuits and bare feet staggering into shot for their photographs outside the big mansion.

They walked to the end of Bog Wood then left the grounds of the house, sticking to the coast. After a while they cut round the back of Society Point, the same houses Ellie had walked past when Jack dropped her off out this way. She thought of Jack lying at the bottom of the Forth, weighed down, fish nosing at him.

They cut across the road and into a field, picking their way between cowpats. Only a thin row of trees gave them cover from a factory and office to their right. To the left was East Shore Wood, but they couldn’t risk going further in, Ellie knew from jogging that dog walkers used it. They cut across Linn Mill and through more fields. Under tree cover they scurried across Society Road and walked down until they met Shore Road, the back way into Port Edgar.

Ellie had left the car parked at the other end of the marina, so they had to take the high road round the busy centre, avoiding the clubhouse and coastguard. The car was sitting in an isolated corner of the overflow car park, in the shadow of the bridge. The noise from there now was morphine to Ellie’s mind, calming her, making her feel at peace, like she belonged. She realised right then that she would always feel at home here.

The car park was uneven gravel and it hurt her feet as she picked her way across. No one else was around. Just her, Ben and the bridge. She looked at the enormous legs supporting the structure and imagined trolls heaving round from the other side, smelling their blood and coming to gobble them up.

She reached the car and pulled the door open. She’d left it unlocked, the key in the glove compartment. She opened it and took the key out. Ben opened the passenger door and got in. The wet arses of their suits made damp patches on the seats as they sat down. She pulled her door closed and put the key in, turned the ignition and felt the engine bump into life, vibrations through her body.

She laid her head back against the headrest and turned to Ben. He looked so tired. She couldn’t imagine what she must look like to him. She wiped gravel off the soles of her feet then revved the engine and put it into gear.

38

Ellie stood at the front door and wavered. Despite what they’d done, it felt good being out on the water, just her and Ben, like old times. As soon as she opened this door the real world would come pouring back in.

Ben put a hand on her back. ‘Come on, we’re almost done.’

She turned to him. ‘You think?’

He shrugged. She loved that he didn’t even try to bullshit her, another reason they were meant for each other. She opened the door and they went in. Sam met them in the hall, looking at their wetsuits and dirty feet.

‘Are you OK?’ he said.

Ellie touched his shoulder and ushered him into the living room. Libby was sitting on the sofa watching a cartoon. She turned and frowned.

‘We need to talk,’ Ellie said. ‘But Ben and I have to get changed first. Wait here.’

They went upstairs and stripped out the suits, dumping them in the bath. They towelled themselves off then threw on joggers and T-shirts. The stink of brine was all over them. Ellie rinsed her feet with the showerhead, then Ben did the same.

They went downstairs and Ellie headed into the kitchen and filled the kettle, a reflex action. As it began hissing, she walked through to the living room.

Not my family, she reminded herself. This is not my family.

The end credits were rolling as Libby switched the television off.

‘Sit down,’ Ellie said to Sam.

Sam felt for the arm of the sofa and lowered himself.

‘We got rid of the problem,’ Ellie said.

‘You dumped his body?’ Libby said.

Ellie nodded.

‘Out at sea,’ Ben said.

‘Won’t he just float back to shore?’ Sam said.

Ellie rubbed her cheek, felt the burns on her hand. ‘We weighed him down.’

‘What with?’ Libby said.

Ellie frowned as Ben spoke. ‘Don’t worry, he won’t be found.’

Sam stared at Ellie then Ben. ‘Why were you in wetsuits?’

‘We had to ditch the boat,’ Ellie said. ‘Too much evidence.’

‘You sank your boat?’ Libby said.

‘Yes,’ Ben said.

‘And swam to shore?’

Ben nodded.

Libby pointed out the back window. ‘Just out there?’

Ellie shook her head. ‘Further along the coast, away from prying eyes. I’m pretty sure no one saw us.’

Silence for a long moment.

‘Thank you,’ Sam said.

Libby looked awkward. ‘Yeah, thanks.’

Sam stood up. ‘So what now?’

Ellie glanced at Ben. ‘You two go home,’ she said.

Libby shook her head. ‘I want to stay here.’

‘That’s impossible,’ Ben said.

‘Why?’

She was really just a kid, didn’t get the way things worked.

Ellie sat next to her on the sofa. ‘Alison is your mum, your legal guardian, you have to go back.’

‘I don’t want to,’ Libby said. ‘She knew what Dad was doing.’