I joined my family just in time for the prayer and the collective “Amen” before my mother turned to me and said, “So, Alexis tells us you’re getting married.”

Back at home, after a long day of family time, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thankful for some peace and quiet. Much like my mother’s home, Jayden’s always seemed a bit chaotic. Most days he seemed restless and eager for conversation, in which he did most of the talking, and there was always the ever present background noise of loud TV, or his current music obsession. He kept busy in his small apartment, doing simple mundane chores, or exercising. Sometimes it would take him hours to fall asleep, even after we had sexually exhausted each other. I chuckled at the amount of chaos one man could cause as I stared at a selfie I’d taken of us on my phone. It screamed of love and intimacy.

I was happy on all fronts.

After a month and a half at the Leisure Agency, I wasn’t yet completely well versed but I was assured daily I was doing an amazing job. And the truth was, I loved it. I never thought planning vacations for someone else could be so damn satisfying, but in meeting with the clients, their excitement became my own. The mood was infectious and the paychecks were decent. And it didn’t hurt that I came home every night to a beautiful man with a magic pan and amazing motor skills.

I was just about to drift off into a nap when my phone buzzed.

Gerri: I just got off, are you home?

Me: YES! Yay, girls’ day.

Gerri: No shit! Yay! See you in a bit. I’ll pick up some wine.

Me: Awesome.

Minutes later, my catnap was interrupted by my new man.

Jayden: Hey baby.

Me: Hey. You still fishing or are you packing up?

Jayden: I’m done. We got rained out. I’m home.

Me: Well, crap. I just promised Gerri a girls’ day.

Jayden: It’s okay, babe. Have fun. Come over later?

Me: Of course.

Jayden: I’ll leave the door unlocked in case I crash early.

Me: Okay.

Jayden: Wake me up with a blow job.

Me: How romantic.

Jayden: It is to m e 

I grinned at that. I loved pleasing him and he knew it, and he took full advantage of it. Along with all sides of him lurked a highly sexual man who knew my body well. He was insatiable and I found with him I let go of all my inhibitions.

He was potent, full of energy, raw, and completely real. He made couch surfing exciting and a homebody lifestyle appealing. I couldn’t wait for the right time to tell him how I truly felt, and somehow I knew without a shadow of a doubt he felt the same. And while my family openly bashed me for talking marriage so soon, I knew one day my initials would read H. A. M.

And damn it, how I wanted to be HAM.

There was something about Jayden that was both new and exciting, and at the same time felt like home. It was like a blinking red arrow in my heart that pointed directly to him. We’d had one bitch fight in our time together, and it was mostly his nagging that brought it about. His “particular” ways had a tendency to wear on me at times, but he was totally worth his quirks.

Totally.

I spent the majority of the night debriefing Gerri as she spilled the goods on her and Mike. “It...was...going,” she had confessed to me.

“He’s having fun with me, I think. Trying not to take things too serious,” she admitted as she sipped wine on the couch.

“And how do you feel?”

“I still love him, but I’m not pressuring him for anything serious, either. I mean, if he cheats I’ll rip his balls off, but other than that, we are good.” I laughed as she told me about the diner and her war stories, asking her when she planned on moving on and she got quiet.

“They are closing it down at the end of the year,” she said, softly. “Not enough business to stay open with all the competition popping up. I’m so sad for Joe. His family has owned that place for fifty years.”

“Oh no, that’s horrible.” The sinking feeling in my chest for my old boss settling in, I poured us a little more wine. “What will you do?”

“Find something, of course. I mean, I can do more than deliver food, I don’t have your ambition just yet.”

“I went from one service job to the next. Don’t put me on a pedestal, but I have to admit I do love it.”

“I know, and that rocks. I’ll figure it out.” She looked at her cell and then at me.

“Oh hell no. You’re ditching me for dick?”

“Yep.”

I looked at her, incredulous. “That was your rule, Gerri! No ditching for the dick!”

“Well, I only get a few hours tonight and then I work a double for the next two days, so I’m...ditching you for dick.”

“You are a horrible friend.”

“Says the girl who already has her overnight bag packed and sitting at the front door.” I laughed as she called me out.

“I wasn’t going to leave until we both got tired,” I defended.

“Dude, we are in grown up relationships. We won’t live together forever. Late twenties versus early twenties, I’m seeing the difference. I won’t hate if you don’t.”

“I really love him, Gerri.”

“I know girl,” she said, leaning in for a hug.

“Just promise me we will always have each other for snot cries,” I said, holding her tightly to me.

“Ummm, Hilary, this isn’t goodbye. We still live together.” I laughed at the truth of the matter, but even as I realized that fact, I’d also already acknowledged that things were changing even as we stood still.

“Love ya,” she said, making her way out the door. She was off to fetch her man, and if I was lucky, I might catch mine waiting on me.

To my complete disappointment, my man was in fact passed out in his bed, his clothes still on. I decided to take a shower and slip into nothing next to him, knowing moving him and waking him up with his petitioned blow job was impossible. He slept like a rock, and if he woke for any reason, he remained awake until he was lucky enough to pass out again. It was one of the perks of ADHD he told me. Once his busy brain clicked on it was hard to shut it off.

“Once I’m up, I’m up. My mind doesn’t give a damn what time it is.” So I was always careful not to wake him while he slept.

I tiptoed past Randy in the hall with a low “hi.” He gave me an odd look as I pointed to Jayden’s bedroom, letting him know he was asleep, not that Randy cared. He had become a nuisance to Jayden after his first month in the house. Jayden had recently laid down the law, giving him a month to get his shit together and move out. Randy hadn’t bothered to start the process and I knew it would be an issue somewhere down the line. Jayden came to me the night he’d given him the ultimatum, feeling guilty for kicking his childhood friend out. I simply told him that there was a big difference in a helping hand and a hand out, and that Randy needed to learn the difference. I also didn’t like the way he looked at me when Jayden wasn’t watching. I’d caught him more than once giving me looks he shouldn’t be, but knowing Jayden and the way he felt about that kind of thing, I kept my mouth shut.

I finished my shower and put lotion on my freshly shaved legs, hoping that Jayden may rouse on his own sometime during the night. I hadn’t seen him since Thursday morning, and I craved him more than anything. I wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror and froze when I saw Randy standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, completely unapologetic at the invasion of my privacy. I was sure I had locked the door. I was completely naked and turned in shock to gawk at him then jumped back further when I saw Jayden directly behind him with his fist clenched.