As if she needed more heartache, to know he’d been welcoming them in the place reserved for his future family.

Before they’d settled down for the evening here, they’d finished another physiotherapy session with Ryan. He’d turned another of the mansion’s rooms into a rehabilitation center, and had turned those uncomfortable, exhausting and sometimes painful sessions into Ryan’s most anticipated playtime.

Now he was playing catch with Ryan. After giving Ryan easy catches to get him excited and motivated, he’d throw one out of reach and have him eagerly crawling to fetch.

He was always thinking of another exercise for Ryan, another method to gauge his improvement. He’d made an art of helping Ryan enjoy it, participate wholeheartedly, and subsequently heal faster, develop more power and better coordination.

He now threw the soft red ball on the huge square table that paralleled the couch she sat on. Ryan hurtled after it, reached the table, then stopped, an absorbed expression painting his face as he contemplated his dilemma.

She transferred her gaze to Fareed. “Seems you’ve given him a challenge he’s not up to…yet.”

Fareed shrugged, his face spread in the warmth that messed her up inside. “He hasn’t given up yet. Let’s see what he’ll do.”

She nodded even as her heart constricted. Every cell in her longed to end Ryan’s frustration, give him the ball. But Fareed had been teaching her not to coddle him, to drive him to achieve his potential, and be as loving or even more so while at it.

Ryan finally approached one of the table’s corners. Then after some internal debate, pulled himself up in degrees until he unfolded to his feet, stood braced at its edge. Her heart boomed.

It was the first time he’d ever stood up!

Her eyes flew to Fareed. He looked as moved, his smile as proud as hers. But when she moved to get the ball for Ryan, he gave her an imperative “wait” gesture.

She waited. And under her disbelieving, delighted eyes, Ryan hooked his right leg, the one that had always been weaker, over the edge of the table and pulled himself on top of it.

Once there, he weaved through worked-silver plates, gleaming copper candleholders and glass planters like a cat, knocking nothing over. Once he reached his quarry, he grabbed it, waved it at her in delighted victory.

“You did it, darling,” she said, forcing back tears, her smile so wide that it hurt. “You got the ball because you’re brilliant and strong and determined and the most wonderful boy on earth.”

After a satisfactory dose of adulation, he remembered his playmate, the one he wanted to impress most.

Ryan reversed his way across the table, backed off its edge carefully. Once his feet touched ground, he plopped back down, catching his breath after the unprecedented endeavor.

Then he turned to Fareed, shrieking his triumph and throwing his trophy back to him.

He caught it, stuffed it beneath his arm and treated Ryan to a boisterous round of applause. Ryan zoomed to him, sought the haven of his arms. After having enough of Fareed’s validation, Ryan wriggled off and crawled away as if eager to resume their game.

Before following, Fareed spared her a glance, eyes twinkling with pride. “See? Nothing is beyond him. He’s creative and problem-solving and ambitious and he’ll always surpass your expectations.”

She barely stifled the cry. Stop surpassing mine! Stop making me want you more when I can’t even dream of you.

But it was already too late.

She’d come to depend on him when it was the worst thing she could have done. She couldn’t think of a time when he wouldn’t be in her life, their lives, when it was inevitable.

She’d fallen in love with him when it would mean destruction.

Yes, she loved him.

And she would have preferred it if he didn’t realize she was alive. But she could no longer escape what she’d known from the moment he’d captured her gaze at that conference. He’d made it clear, in a hundred nuances, what he wanted from her, that he was only waiting until any doctor/patient’s parent trace of their relationship had faded, to act on his desire.

His desire to have her in his bed.

And even though guilt and dread haunted her, this was the only place she wanted to be.

But it didn’t matter what she wanted. She couldn’t act on her desire. She wouldn’t.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t melted yet.”

Rose. Sitting right beside her and she hadn’t even noticed her come in.

Rose elaborated, “I’ve seen hunger blazing in eyes before, but the solar flares in yours…yowza!”

Her gaze moved nervously to Fareed, who was far enough away not to catch Rose’s comments. Thank goodness. If Rose had seen it, had he…?

Who was she kidding? He had. He knew he had her on the brink of mindlessness. And he’d been letting her know, subtly, inexorably, how he’d leave her no place to run when he made his move, how earth-shattering it would be when he claimed her.

She let out a resigned exhalation. “Don’t start, Rose.”

Rose repaid her with a fed up look. “Then why don’t you stop? Jumping away as if he scalds you each time he comes near?”

“What do you expect? The man has a magnetic field that could upset a planet’s orbit.” After a moment’s hesitation, she admitted, “He does scald me.”

Rose nudged her. “Then help yourself to his inferno, girl.”

She squeezed her eyes. “I can’t, and you know it.”

“So you’ve been mourning. Now enough.” Rose turned fully to her, scowling. “Let the dead rest and get on with your life.”

Gwen bit her lip, memories a shard embedded in her heart. “It’s not only mourning.”

“What else is it? Can’t be Ryan because Fareed is the best thing that has ever happened to him, present company included.”

“You’re talking as if Fareed is in Ryan’s life in anything more than a temporary way, when you know he’s just his surgeon.…”

“He’s not just his surgeon, and you know it.”

For a heart-wrenching moment, Gwen thought Rose knew. Who Fareed really was to Ryan.

But there was no way that she did. She hadn’t been in her life for the past five years, had missed all the developments and upheavals that had ripped through her life. Rose knew only what she’d told her once everything had been over. She didn’t know about Ryan’s parentage. And she must never know.

Rose turned her eyes to the man and baby who possessed Gwen’s heart. “I mean…just look at them.” Gwen didn’t want to look. It hurt too much. “Look at you. You’re burning for him.” Gwen averted her eyes, damned being so transparent. “Then look at him. He would devour you whole if you didn’t flit around like a hummingbird on speed.”

A chuckle burst out of Gwen. Only Rose could cut to the truth, yet make it somehow bearable, even lighthearted. “And you recognize the symptoms because you and Emad are suffering from the same condition?”

Rose wouldn’t be distracted. “Emad and I have nothing like the same condition. I don’t have melodramatic tendencies and I’m not letting self-perpetuated worries stop me from taking whatever happiness I can now. We’re free grown-ups with nothing to stop us from having whatever we want together. Apart from your baffling reluctance, I can say the same about you and Fareed.”

Gwen exhaled dejectedly. “I’m not free.”

“Because you’re a single mother? And I can’t fathom your position because I’m not? So enlighten me, what are women in your situation supposed to do? Sacrifice your personal lives at the altar of your children’s upbringing?”

Gwen stared sightlessly at the mansion’s gardens. She wished with all her heart that she could share her burden with Rose, that everything wasn’t so complicated, so impossible.

Why had Fareed of all men turned out to be the one who awakened the woman in her? And so completely, so violently?